


A Mysterious Summer (Reverse Falls)

by irlbecausedelrey



Category: Gravity Falls, Reverse Falls - Fandom
Genre: Alternate Universe - Reverse Falls, Dipcifica, Drama, F/M, Gleeful twins - Freeform, Gravity Falls - Freeform, Gravity Falls AU, M/M, Reverse Falls, Romance, Willdip
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-03-22
Updated: 2019-07-16
Packaged: 2019-11-28 01:35:44
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 16
Words: 57,632
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18201719
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/irlbecausedelrey/pseuds/irlbecausedelrey
Summary: Gideon had no idea how to save his summer. He was tired of the journals. He was terrified of the Tent of Telepathy. He was tired of the torture.Pacifica and Gideon fought to survive. Dipper and Mabel fought to win. Maybe they weren't such a great team.





	1. 1. Tourist Trapped

I wasn't allowed to stay home for the summer. My father used "health" as an excuse this time, instead of admitting he didn't want me around for the month. I didn't want to argue. I never wanted to argue. So I just went along with it as usual.

At least Pacifica could come with me. She always did. I met with her early in the morning, holding the pamphlet for the town dad we were going this time.  _Gravity Falls_.

– I guess I never thought I’d go to Oregon – my best friend said, getting the pamphlet from my hand. – Do you think it’s cold there?

– Cold? It’s summer – she nodded.

– It’s because I’ve made some new sweaters, can you tell? – she opened her arms so I could see her outfit better, and she smiled. – So even if it’s hotter than hell, I’ll stick to the blueprints!

I laughed. There was no way she’d take her precious sweaters off, no matter the season. She jumped around excitedly when the bus got closer. I wish I was as happy as her about this trip.

But when you spend all holidays abroad, never being able to stay home with your daily life, it stops being exciting. And when your father sends you just so that he doesn’t have to deal with you, it starts being depressing.

The bus took many hours to take us to Gravity Falls. Pacifica slept and sung during the trip, whilst I admired the strange view and often laughed at the old and catchy ballads she was singing. We were going to stay at my aunt Melody’s house. My uncle was travelling for work, so the house was less full and she accepted us to go. I recognised her as soon as I saw her, even though I had only seen her once on her wedding, a few years before that. She smiled at me, and that was the moment when I noticed how fast time was passing.

Her smile reminded me of how much I missed my uncle.

– Gideon! – she shouted. I walked towards her and she pulled me into a tight hug. Okay, I wasn’t one to hug who I’m not that close to, but I was glad she did that. – Long time no see! And this is…

– Pacifica Southeast! – said my friend, politely shaking her hand and then jumping into her arms too.

They both giggled. There was a lot in common between them.

The three of us pulled away, smiling.

– Wow, this place is… green.

Melody laughed. I looked around and it was true, there were a lot of trees.

– Yeah, it’s a very green town, I’ll admit! But once you get past the forest, you’ll see how many cool places there are.

I shook my head, now interested in what I would see. My aunt said we could take the long road, going through the dark part of the forest instead of the shorter way. We said yes, drawn to the idea of finding interesting things there. It was quite an uneventful road. Pacifica met and talked with some of the bugs we saw on the way, but besides that, nothing special. I don’t know what could be special about a forest, I was just expecting more.

We got to the end of the forest, at last, and I could finally see the actual town. There was a small park on one side, a diner, a school, a town hall, and something that caught my attention. There was a construction, surrounded by another dense collection of trees, named “Tent of Telepathy”. It had a big colourful star on top, with a crying eye in the middle. I couldn’t see the bottom because of the trees, but it was very interested and made me think of fortune tellers. I decided to ask my aunt what it was.

– Oh, that’s the Gleeful twins’ Tent of Telepathy! – she said, in an excited tone. – Their presentations are quite famous around town, but I’ve never been able to attend one, work won’t let me.

– Presentations of what exactly? – I asked.

– All kinds of stuff! – she answered. – They’re magicians. I’ve seen them levitating objects in some town festivals! They can even read minds and tell the future, from what I’ve heard.

I stared at her, and then back at the tent. Magicians? That’s odd. Fortune tellers? That’s even odder. Pacifica pulled my arm, and I looked at her. She had the biggest smile, and I could see her colourful braces in great detail.

– Let’s watch a presentation! – she said. – I have some spare money, how much does it cost?

– I have no idea – Melody replied. – You could go there and ask. When you’re finished, just walk to the diner and meet me there. Then I can take you two to see the Shack. Okay?

– Sure! – Pacifica yelled, not giving me a chance to choose. She pushed me in the direction of the tent, and I went with it.

When we arrived, we could see the closed curtains shining in a strange blue light. We didn’t really know what to do. Was there a queue? Were tickets bought online? Was it closed today? The sign next to the entrance showed there was going to be a show in two hours. Were we too late to buy tickets?

We thought about leaving, but before we could, the curtains opened, and a strange tall man walked out of it. He had light blue hair and had probably lost his eye, as he wore a strange triangular eyepatch over the left side of his face. He looked me up and down with a saddish innocent look, and I wondered if he was part of the show. He had something, I don’t know what, that made him completely unnatural. There was something about his outfit that was unsettling. I don’t know if that was the fancy blue suit and black trousers, his bow tie, or the very long top hat.

Which was floating, somehow.

– Gideon Pines? – he asked with a weak voice. I opened my eyes wide. – And Pacifica Southeast? We have been expecting you.

What. What had just happened?

– You have?! – Pacifica exclaimed. Okay, that was creepy. I didn’t know if I wanted to be there anymore.

– Yes. Master Mason and Madam Mabel knew you would come. They saved seats for you.

The man handed us a pair of tickets, and that  _had_ to be a joke. My aunt probably knew them or something. And who were Mason and Mabel?

– Thank you, handsome butler! Now explain to us, what the heck?!

– Pacifica, calm down! – I whispered.

The man didn’t really do anything else. Before he could even say something, the curtains were once again moving, and another man came out of it. This one was slightly shorter, but still looked unsettling. He also wore a lot of blue, but slightly less than the “butler”. His hair was dark brown, somewhat curly, and he had the bluest eyes I had ever seen. It was hard to notice. He looked at us with an indecipherable expression, and I was  _so_  lost. I could see the butler look down again, as if he was scared of the other’s presence. A woman appeared too. She had long brown hair, and also had blue eyes. They looked so similar. So I noticed, those were the twins Melody was talking about.

– I’ll take it from here, William – the male twin said, and the butler just bowed and went back inside. Maybe he really was a butler.  _William_.

The female twin kept staring at me with a wide smile. For some reason.

– Hello? – the man said to us. As if we were the ones without answers. What had just happened?

– Are you two the newest fans? – the woman continued. – Gideon and Pacific, or whatever? I was very excited to meet you too!

She had a smile that was very different from Pacifica’s. It didn’t look sweet. It looked weirdly scary. I didn’t understand why, but it made me feel uncomfortable. She moved around like she was on a stage, performing. Her appearance was stunning, and just like the butler, it all felt unnatural.

– Hey, it’s actually Pacifica! – my best friend corrected her, smiling. She didn’t seem to enjoy it, but she nodded at Pacifica, returning to look straight to me. I tried to avoid eye contact by staring at her brother instead, but he was also staring at me. Except he was apparently angry.

What was going on. What was going on. What was going on.

– Yes, I believe you two have been chosen. Somehow. – he said. Pacifica looked at him and I looked at her. I didn’t know what to say and I hoped that was all part of the show. – Be here in time for the performance, do not. Ever. Be late.

The sister laughed. She looked at her brother with glee, saying:

– Dipper, don’t be like that, you’re scaring them! – and then she turned to me with a small smile. – My name is Mabel Gleeful. I am the star of the Tent of Telepathy, great to meet you.

The man rolled his eyes and looked to the right, angry. His name was Dipper. Or Mason. Or both. I wasn’t sure.

– And I am Dipper Gleeful. I am the source of power of the Tent of Telepathy – he stared at her with the angriest expression I had ever seen. I hoped we weren’t about to witness a sibling fight. Pacifica and I were both only children, so we wouldn’t be able to help.

Mabel didn’t seem bothered. She just got closer to her brother and pointed at the book he was holding. “This is the source of power of the Tent of Telepathy” she said. Dipper groaned and hid the book from her. It was a brown hardcover book with the number “2” on top. I wondered what it was about. Or if it was the second part of a series of books. I also wondered how could a book be “the source of power”.

It’s all part of the show, Gideon. It’s all part of the show. Aunt Melody wouldn’t let us come here if it was dangerous. I decided to finally ask.

– You two, how do you know our names?!

They both turned to me at the same time, exactly equal. They turned away from each other and… posed? Or maybe that was how they naturally liked to stand. I didn’t know what to think.

– My brother sucks at meeting new people, we’re sorry – Mabel said, without taking that smile off her face, and then she whispered. – Maybe he should learn to let his cordial sister take the lead sometimes.

– Come to our show tonight, Pines and Southeast. Something put you on our way, and I’ll find out what it is.

Pacifica opened her mouth. And then she grabbed my arm. And then she jumped. She did many things she shouldn’t have. She then screamed.

– Wait! This is part of it, isn’t it? You knew we were coming because you saw us, before, because you’re fortune tellers, because  _we_ were part of your future?! – Dipper and Mabel stared at her and Mabel stopped smiling for the first time. Dipper raised his left eyebrow. – Gideon, we’re part of the show already!

– Is she always like this? – Mabel pointed at her. I nodded.

– I sure am! – she smiled. – Are you always this cool, seer lady?

Mabel smiled again. It was a power smile this time. Dipper was still confusedly looking at my friend. And just like that, I stopped being scared of them. It was surely part of the show. The show we would come to watch.

– Anyway. Yes. However you want to see it. Just know this is important. Your future had been crossed with the Gleeful twins, and you  _do not_ ignore that.

I wondered what would happen if we did. Mabel winked at me.

– Now leave. We have a lot to do – and I said yes. All I wanted to do was leave.

– Wait, wait! – Pacifica yelled again. – You knew my name, but can you see anything else about me? Do you do mind reading too?

Dipper sighed. He fixed his blue eyes on her blue eyes. And he said:

– Your heart is beating fast.

She jumped and smiled, saying it really was. I decided to calm her down, and Mabel definitely rolled her eyes at her.

– See you later, Gideon – she waved at me, whilst Dipper went inside without even saying goodbye. – And you, Pacifica…

– See you, seer! – she laughed. Mabel just smiled and went away, just like the two men. I looked at Pacifica, wanting to go immediately. – They’re so nice!

– We can’t go to the show.

– What?

– We can’t go, why would they give us free tickets and tell us to go, while knowing our names and when we were there? – Pacifica looked at me in confusion. – My aunt either got us tickets without telling us  _or_ something’s not right with those two.

– Didn’t you hear what he said?  _Our paths crossed_ , Gideon! That was either really magical or really romantic! Or maybe even both?!

I shook my head.  _No_ , Pacifica. No.

– Let’s go, Pacifica, magic doesn’t exist.

I caught her hand and took her to where Melody said she would meet with us. When she saw us and asked if we had got tickets, I tried to read her corporal expression to see if she was lying about anything, but no? It didn’t seem like it.

She took us to where my uncle lived. Pacifica whispered about the show to me, begging that I went. I didn’t want to. What an amazing start to the trip. We got to the place, and it was a tall shack with “Mystery Shack” written on top. I was excited, I had heard about it. When uncle Soos was around, he used to tell me about it. He said it was the best library in town, filled with books that not even he could understand, and also some incredible artifacts which indicated extraordinary happenings in Gravity Falls. I never thought I would actually visit this place. It was always so dreamy in my head. His stories always made me think of it as a fictional place, as an ideal location. A place where life was interesting and magnificent. I didn’t believe in magic but I was open to phenomenal monsters, most times. At least I used to be, when he used to tell me his stories.

But he never did mention fortune tellers. He never told me about the Gleeful twins or the Tent of Telepathy. I wonder why.

There was a lot to discover about that strange town.

My aunt said we could visit everything on the next day, because we needed to be prepared for the show. She left for work, leaving me and Pacifica alone to fight even more.

– Are you ready to go? – I asked.  _Okay_. I would go. As long as we weren’t late. And she was making us be late.

– Almost! – she yelled from the bathroom. I decided I’d admire the shack whilst she wasn’t available. There were  _a lot_ of crazy stuff there. There were  _many_ strange books. But one was more strange than the rest.

I saw a book almost exactly like Dipper’s. Except it showed the number “3” instead. Maybe that was part of the show as well? Maybe that book was put there, in my uncle’s library, so I could find it and take it to the Tent of Telepathy? Was I overthinking all that? Would my aunt make plans that elaborated, whilst still having to deal with work and many other things?

I grabbed the book. Boom, I felt like I had cracked a code.

When Pacifica came out, ready, I showed her the book, saying I was happy to be going to the show. She smiled, gave me a small hug, and we went out.

We went in the direction of the tent, accompanied by many others. Wow, they were really popular. The more we walked, the more that green forest turned blue. The Gleeful tent already was unmistakably visible. And my heartbeat got faster and faster.

From afar, I saw the colours of the star placed on the top of the tent, and they intimidated me. Our clothes and that star were the only colourful things around there. I smelled Mabel's perfume, but she wasn't the one who opened up the curtains for us, it was William, the butler, asking for tickets and saying that the entrance was now available.

He saw the book in my hands. And I couldn’t read his face, but he seemed scared? He stared at my eyes.

I lifted the book up, wanting to show him that “yes, I cracked the code”, and he covered his mouth in surprise. We sat down to watch the show. And William disappeared. The show was about to begin.


	2. 2. The Legend of the Gobblewonker

– Dipper, guess who my next boyfriend is.

I stared at Mabel, making it more than clear that I was uninterested.

– Boyfriend? How are you going to kill this one?

She rolled her eyes.

– It's Gideon. And no death this time.

– Pines? – I shouted, surprised. – The chosen idiot?

– If one of the chosen two is an idiot, it's clearly the blonde! – she yelled, standing up in a ballerina pose. – Is he not enchanting? Gideon, oh, Gideon. Wherefore art thou, Gideon? I am the west and Gideon is the sun! What is my life, my breath, my heart, without my beloved young man? I suffered so much while you were away, my love. Now that you are close, I wish for you to realise that the universe has given us one chance to be happy together! Kiss me, Gideon!

She danced around the kitchen, reciting those words, making me sick to the core. Hard to believe Mabel was  _not_ going to kill a man she promised to love. I wanted to puke at the thought of them together. What?  _Why him?_

– We just met them – I told her, in the hopes that she would forget that stupid idea. It made no sense. – And the chosen ones cannot be more important than us, so they probably won't be around for long. Actually, I'm sure you're going to kill him, you always do.

– I'm  _not_ going to kill this one, Dipper! – that was the first time she actually promised that. – And I don't know what happened, I felt the connection, did you not? I can sense something is going to happen, and he's so fearful, that's so adorable! And he looks so smart, doesn't he? Tonight has to be our best show yet, make sure of that!

I laughed. I certainly did not feel the "connection". Mabel got closer to me in order to ruffle my hair, but I held her arm before she could do it. I could smell the strong vanilla scent coming from her skin, which was probably some weird skin product. I let go of her hand and flashed her a smile, hypnotised by her irresistible fragrance.

– You don't even know if he and the blonde have something. You don't even know his age, he could be twelve.

– He is not twelve! – she replied. – Tell me, how old is he? I know that you know.

– I do know but I'm not going to tell you. Find it out yourself.

She stared at me, angry, pouting her red lips. He was sixteen. I had read his mind.

– I am, actually – my sister, radiantly beautiful, now smiled. What a perfect smile. – After he loves the show and agrees to go on a date with me, I surely  _will_ find it out.

Poor thing. Gideon was probably an idiot.

The rest of the morning was not that different from what normally happens around the tent. Mabel asked Will to help her get dressed and write something special for Pines. Something about the lake monster, the Gobblewonker, like a poem. I didn't really pay attention. She even suggested fishing for the monster herself, but her insane ideas were turned down by the butler, who insisted in the non-existence of the monster. Apparently, it had been killed the year before, by an elderly couple who hunted it down. I entered Miss Gleeful's bedroom and saw her buttoning up her dark blue jacket, which was covering her black dress that reached the middle of her thighs and completed the variations of blue in her clothing. William watched from afar, ready to assist her as soon as she asked for help. She was also wearing a thin ring on her left hand.

I watched her leave the first floor, wondering why she was going straight to Stanford's office. What were her plans? Was she going to change something about today's show? Why did she find Pines interesting and would she really go on with this? Would she tie him up on a chair if he didn't say yes, as she did with the last guy? They were all so weak compared to us, such pathetic enemies.

If even my sister was able to cause them pain, believe me, I could do twice the damage.

I, Dipper Gleeful, the creator and main attraction of the Tent of Telepathy, with my telekinetic powers  _and_ much more, could do so much damage. I was so powerful.

Pines was the heir of the Mystery Shack. His annoying accent was Californian. He was Southeast's best friend. And that was all I could capture from him, I needed to work on my mind reading.

But there was more to think about right now. There was a man in need of fixing in my office. As usual. I walked there, already happy about what would happen.

– Do you like it in here? – Will nodded. – That's great, William, I'm glad you do.

I closed the office door, paying attention to what Will was doing. I could see his legs were almost wobbly. He was looking down, the side of his mouth twitching. I wonder what he felt as he saw my fist going towards his face, ready to harm it. He rested his hand on the bruised spot I left, crying without making any noise. I loved that. I loved his fear. I knelt him on the floor and then pulled both his arms up, approaching his face. That was my favourite moment.

– What was it that you did wrong, William? – I asked. He never knew what to answer. And I knew that. I hit his face again, harder this time.

– I apologise, Master – he said, not even knowing what he was apologising for. I stared at my butler, my slave, my demon.

– So you don't know what you did, hm? – I asked, caressing his cheeks and looking inside his blue eyes. – Perhaps you think it wasn't anything serious. Are you implying you think it wasn't serious, Will?

– I - I am not, Master – he responded. – I simply don't... I don't know what you're referring to...

– Because you make too many mistakes, isn't that right?

– Yes, Master – and I nodded. That mess of a demon. He should be glad I wasn't destroying his face as I usually did. I noticed a cut on his eyebrow, probably caused by me, and smiled.

I felt bad for Mabel. Whenever she punished Will, she used  _daggers_. She didn't feel her skin against his, hurting him in the worst way possible. She never made him bleed with her own fists. She never caused him to pass out from hitting him so much. Only stupid stabbing and cutting. I wondered which Will disliked more.

– Your mistake,  _Will_... was telling Stanford... about the chosen ones.  _Do not_ do that without asking. Ever. Again.

– I apologise. He asked me to say it – his voice almost failed because of the crying. – I was doing my job.

I knew Stanford had threatened him. That brainless incompetent man... always trying to get what was mine... always trying to be superior, always wishing to be in charge. Well guess what.  _I_ am Mason Gleeful and  _I_ am the only irreplaceable man in this mansion. The  _only_ one.

All the rage I felt for Stanford at that moment... I discounted it all on William. Maybe he didn't deserve it. Maybe maybe he did. He probably did. That worthless demon was there to serve me after all. I heard him cry and I continued.

– Your job, Will... is to obey  _me_! Okay? The only reason for your existence is  _me_!  _I_  found you!  _I_  captured you! Without me you'd still be stuck in that dimension, screaming for help! So do not, EVER, listen to him, without asking ME first. All he did was show me that stupid book, I did the rest myself!

He stared at the blue floor, with his forehead touching mine, and just nodded in agreement. I really had the best demon butler of all. I lifted him off the floor, turning him to face me.

– Stanford is  _not_ higher than me. Alright? And never disagree with me ever again. When we brought you to serve us, I made it pretty clear that my orders weigh much more than his. No matter what he or Mabel might tell you, always remember that you're mine. You are one hundred percent mine, I am the one you have a deal with. Not my uncle. Not my sister. Me. Is that okay?

He didn't even try to smile. All he did was say yes. "I'm glad we agree" I said, showing my teeth. William was about to leave the bedroom, as I allowed him to, but I stopped him.

– Hey, Will – he turned to me. His blood dripping all over his skin. – Change the piano pieces for tonight. We're opening it with the song again.

I loved how powerful I was. And I hated how invasive Stanford was.

I hated how he tried to be the leader of the house. And I hated how he actually believed he was. Not many minutes passed. And he walked into my office. He had  _the audacity_ to enter my office  _without knocking on the door_ ,  _just like it was his. Just like he was allowed to._ I was ready for him to complain. My heart was beating fast but not for any... particular reason. Stanford hadn't heard any of my yelling at Will. And if he had... good for him. It's good that he knows where to change.

I wish he would shut up sometimes.

– Mason – he started, annoying me already. – I want to speak to you before tonight's show.

Ugh... just because the chosen ones were coming? It's not like those two futile children were important for us. There is no way they were. And I knew that.

– The ratings have been going down again. You cannot ignore this, if you keep going with this, your show is over. And I've told you this so many times...

 _Ugh_.

– Yeah, I know. And why don't you talk to Mabel about this, is she not part of the show anymore?

– For your information, I already have. We discussed it and she has a million ideas – he sighed – It's not like you ever come to talk to me... She's always so focused on the job, Mason. I just wish you would take this more seriously.

_Ugh_ _h_ _. He had the most annoying angry face._

– So dedicating most my nights for this concert wasn't serious enough? – I wanted him to  _please_ stop talking about that. – Just because I don't "work papers" like you two do, that does not mean I don't care for the show. I love being on stage, I love performing. I love surprising the audience. It's one of the things which bring me the most glee. I just wish you would take  _me_ more seriously.

But I didn't really say any of that. I just thought of it. What I actually said was:

– Okay, Stanford.

But not because... I was scared of him. I wasn't scared of Stanford.  _I wasn't scared of Stanford_.

I simply chose not to say it.

I don't waste my time with purposeless beings.

I noticed Mabel enter the room at that moment. She was dressed up for the show, with her beautiful outfit matching mine. She smiled at Stanford and he smiled back. I couldn't wait until we got old enough to send him away. Or kill him, whatever comes to my mind first. It's usually the latter.

– We're singing again tonight, Dipper? – she asked me. – That's great, I'm excited to see what Gideon will think.

– The chosen one? – Stanford asked, making Mabel agree and making me groan inside. – He'll surely love hearing your voice, sweetheart.

I left. I left my own office. I could not stand their relationship. I could not stand Stanford. And most times I could not stand Mabel.

As soon as night fell, we were in our places. I looked to my right and I saw him. William. My William, always with his pitiful sad eyes, ready to play the piano for us. That William. That blue William.

That demon, William. The only being in the house who actually respected me the way I deserved to be respected. Mabel was inconvenient and Stanford was unbearable. William was the one who served me. And that's what I deserved to have.

The public was already shouting our names. And it was time.

– Will. The curtains.

The show had started. The chosen ones were right at the front.

I looked at Pines' hand. And... there was no way.

He had journal number 1.

Impossible.

"Gleeful! Gleeful! Gleeful!"

The audience cheered at us. Mabel posed in a beautiful way. And I hoped my posing was working.

– Ladies and gentlemen, it is such a gift to have you here tonight!

_Yes. What a gift it would be. What a gift it would be killing Pines for that book._


	3. 3. Headhunters

Pacifica seemed way too excited to watch the presentation. I hoped it was our last time there. It wasn't exactly bad, but the Gleeful twins hadn't caused a good impression on me. I don't know if I wanted to get to know them better. I was happy that they were known admirable artists. But I was not prepared for what happened on that stage.

It all started with a lot of noise. A piano played beautifully in the background, but people were shouting "Gleeful! Gleeful! Gleeful!" and there they were. When the curtains opened, the twins held hands and bowed to the audience. It was weird seeing them that way, very weird. Dipper stared at me. I didn't like seeing Dipper look at me like that. And I definitely didn't like seeing Mabel look at me either. But the view of them doing it together was the freakiest one. They were so alike. Sure, he seemed emotionless and she seemed emotionful, but right there, on that stage, they knew how to act like the perfect magical twins the town had always wanted. Dipper posed like he wanted to hide something. Mabel posed like she was sick of hiding something. They both walked together, in perfect synchronisation. It was like they were one. It was like she was the long-haired smiley version of him, and it was like he was the short-haired cold version of her. The stage was covered in different shades of blue, mostly neon, and some subtle spotlights worked towards the interesting yet spooky sight of the show. I wasn't glad that we were able to get a seat in the front, so close to them. But maybe it was part of the plan.

– Ladies and gentlemen – they both said at the same time. I could feel the chills on my neck, and I did not like those vibes. – it is such a gift to have you here tonight!

– Such a gift...?

– Shh... Gideon, don't talk.

– I am Dipper Gleeful.

– And I am Mabel Gleeful!

– And I... have a vision?

– You do?

– Yes, sister – he turned to her and she stared at him acting surprised. – I predict... music?

Everyone clapped their hands as the piano changed tune, and this mysterious rhythm started filling my ears.

– This is the best part! – I heard the woman behind me say. I knew they were popular, but I didn't know everyone knew their show and every bit of it. What are they going to do? Sing?

They did. Their creepy song played, and they sang along. They actually had great voices, maybe that's why their presentations were so famous. Even hours after the show, I couldn't make those weird lyrics leave my head.

"Oh, we can see... what others can't see...

It's not a simple trick, it is pure ability.

Where others are blind, we are futurely inclined,

and you too could see, if you were one of the Gleeful twins..."

Dipper sang the first verse, and Pacifica held my arm as if she was impressed. Mabel then joined in.

– Every one of you, stand! – and we did. She rose her arms up as if she was controlling us, and many people believed that she really was. – Sing!

She pointed at a group of women and men, who then began to harmonise as if they were in a choir. Their faces, in complete surprise. They were surely pretending like Mabel was the one making them sing. The Gleeful twins even paid actors for their shows, they seemed really dedicated.

With the vocals now, the song got a little less slow, and Dipper started pointing at the audience.

"You wish your son would call you more"

The audience member nodded, covering their mouth with complete shock. Their eyes filled with water. And Dipper smiled. I was not sure what that smile meant.

"You wish your wife wasn't a whore..."

The man nodded and laughed. But I could see it was a forced laugh. Dipper winked at him and half of the audience clapped, whilst still being in tune with the music.

"I'll read your mind if I am able..."

The man waited for his part. Dipper smiled wide.

"He is cheating! Isn't he, Mabel?!"

I opened my mouth, why would he say that? But no one really cared about that. They were too focused on Dipper's fake powers. The song went on and on and everyone seemed happy with it, even the exposed ones.

Or, as Pacifica liked to call them, the "studied" ones.

"So welcome, you see, to the Tent of Telepathy...

Thanks for visiting... the Gleeful Twins..."

The last note was long and a little bit ominous. They finished together and as soon as the last piano key was played, they bowed once again. The opening number was done. They got everyone to clap, every single person – even I found myself clapping out of pressure – by stating unfortunate facts about others' lives. Facts they somehow knew. Facts they were able to fit into a song. A slow ballad that was surprisingly good. And catchy. They stayed in bowing position for about ten seconds, and when they returned, the claps hadn't stopped. Dipper opened a wide smile once again and lift his left hand up. That show was the first time I saw him smile on that day.

– Thank you, ladies and gentlemen. And others, of course.

Everyone clapped again, but for a shorter period of time. He stared at me again.

– It is with great honour that we welcome you to our show. We are the Gleeful twins.

– I'm the fun twin – Mabel interrupted, and everyone laughed. Dipper looked at her pretending to be angry, and she playfully smiled at him. – Don't be angry, boring twin!

Dipper looked back at the audience, laughing with them. They continued with their amusing acting and welcome words. They even threw some glitter on each other at some point, and that might have been my favourite part.

I took my time to think. So in that show, Dipper was showing to be fun and playful, and Mabel was showing to be cute. But hours before, when they talked to us, they didn't seem like that. So which part was the acting? Or was it all acting? Or was there no acting? They showed to be the perfect pair of twins, even after saying those horrible things during their song. They acted like the children every parent would want to have. The way they treated each other on stage, with laughter and care, wasn't how it seemed to happen out of screen at all. The show was funny. It was lighthearted. They pretended to use magic sometimes. They rose objects and people, they made jokes about reading each other's mind. They asked for audience opinions, they had a lot of fun segments. It was stunning. Flowers flew around, lights changed, music played, tricks happened... Although I didn't like them so much, I wasn't hating their show. I feared it was doing something to my head, so I didn't allow myself to say I was "enjoying it", but I cannot deny that it can be, and might be, enjoyable.

– Did you guys know that I'm older than my brother by five minutes? – Mabel said. – Meaning! He! Is the one who inherited my powers, not the other way round.

Dipper sighed.

– Sister, why can't we agree that we inherited them from each other?

– Oh, the sweet need for "equality" – she was about to make the audience laugh once again. – That's what losers say, brother.

– I don't think any of us here tonight are losers. Do you all agree?

Everyone cheered. There was clapping too.

– That is why... sister, want to do the honours?

– Surely, Dipper – she held her own hand and walked to the front of the stage, looking around. – Audience participation for all winners?

Everyone screamed in glee, wanting to go on stage to take part. I prayed that she wouldn't choose me, and she didn't. She got down and held the hands of a man who looked about thirty years old. He had brown hair and eyes, wore a purple suit just like he had walked out of a fancy party. He smiled at being chosen, and followed Mabel to the stage, joined by the sound of clapping around them.

– What is your name, sir? – Dipper asked, turning the man to face the audience.

– Tad. Tad Average, Dipper.

Dipper smiled again. Actually, that was when I noticed, Dipper was always smiling during their numbers.

– That name is a bit strange, is it not? – Mabel joked. – I love it!

– So, Tad... ready for something... killer?

– I am! – he replied. Dipper and Mabel looked at each other and posed with the man, who was excited to be there where he was.

They explained what he had to do. And they explained to us what would happen to him. Apparently, he would enter a closet, and swords would be inserted into it. Just like a normal magic trick. Except, they said, there was a surprise. We would find out what it was. Everyone was patiently waiting. I became a bit anxious.

I knew how the sword closet trick worked. But that closet didn't seem to have much space for him to fit in. Maybe it opened in the back? I wasn't sure at all. All I knew was, I didn't like what was happening, at all.

– Pacifica, how do you think they're going to do this? He can't even move his arms in there, how is he going to guide the swords?

I looked back on the stage, waiting for whatever would come next.

I wasn't prepared for it. I wasn't prepared for so much blood.

– He's in there, is he not? – Dipper exclaimed.

– Tad, are you in there?

"Yes!" he shouted. It was a bit difficult to listen to his voice, the piano on the background had stopped but there was some sort of tapping noise that was messing with my ears.

Dipper got four swords. He "levitated" two towards Mabel, with his "telekinetic" powers. She held the swords and smiled at the audience, making a pose and pouting her bright red lips. Everything about this show was confusing me.

– Want to do the honours, precious sister? Since you... were born first? – the audience laughed.

– Why don't we share the honours, adored brother? – he nodded. – Just this once, of course!

"If you say so!" he screamed, driving everyone insane. Some people got up to get a better view of the magic trick. Some lifted their children up. Others patiently waited. Pacifica was standing, she has her hands resting on her chest, probably scared or curious of what would happen.

– On three! One...

They each went to opposite sides of the closet door. She, on the left. He, on the right.

– Two...

They positioned their weapons. From my visual calculations of Tad's height, Mabel pointed at his throat. And Dipper, his head. They arranged the way they were standing, like they were actually skilled with swords like those. Some people around me clapped, and others just watched in silence, like me.

– Three!

They fired the two swords into the closet. It was so fast. There is no way I would be able to guide swords with that level of speed, especially two. I wondered what secret the Gleeful twins had for that to work. Everyone gasped. Some people did clap, but most were shocked. Dipper and Mabel bowed one more time.

Mabel got her last sword and stuck it where Tad's stomach would be. Dipper did the same, but a bit higher. Everyone was awaiting the results. And when they posed next to the sworded closet, people clapped. They clapped and clapped and they always clapped. The twins proceeded to take the swords out, placing them on the floor.

– Hey, Tad, how's it going? – Mabel yelled at the closet door.

There was no immediate response. It was only a few moments later that we all heard:

– Have you done the trick yet?

Everyone sighed in relief. The twins bowed at the sound of Tad Average's voice, and the applause was present again.

– Cover your eyes, children!

Dipper opened the door and I had never seen anything so absolutely horrifying. Tad was there, with his eyes open, standing. Except he didn't look like he did before. His purple suit was now completely red. The swords had gone into him, we could see his bones, we could see everything you're not meant to see in an average – live – human. His eyes looked lifeless, yet he moved his hand. He waved at the audience, who was covered in either laughter, applause, or some closed eyes.

– Thank you all for coming to the Tent of Telepathy! And thank you, Tad, you've been incredible!

I was in complete shock. I saw that man walk. That could not be makeup. He couldn't logically not be... no. Impossible. Not in front of everyone. How did he move? How do they do that?

Had they killed him? Had they killed their audience member and pretended that he's still alive by somehow controlling him? How did... the voice... I was unreachable at that moment. My heart was going faster than ever. What?

As I said, I wasn't prepared for so much blood. And so much more than that.

– And the special audience lovely today is Gideon, of course! – I heard Mabel, and that made me start to pay attention again. – Everyone give a round of applause for Gideon, the cutest guy in this town!

– Besides me! – Dipper made everyone laugh.

– He's completely right – Pacifica sighed, with a smile on her face. I had even forgot that she was next to me. I looked at her, my eyes still wide. – Isn't Dipper charming? Gideon, are you okay? Wasn't the show amazing?

I stared at her. And then stared at everyone who was leaving. And then at Tad. The bloody Tad. The surely not okay Tad. He went out too, together with everyone, and I didn't see him when I ran out of the tent and looked for him for ten minutes.

Something was up with the Gleeful twins. I wouldn't take part in it. I don't want to take part in it. I wanted to run home. I wanted to cry.

I almost did cry. But my brain was too confused even to produce tears.

– Leaving so early? – I heard a voice speak. I looked to my left side and there he was. Dipper Gleeful.

I couldn't speak. I turned to him but I didn't know what to say.

– Give me that book, Pines.

I - I was going to. Before I saw all that. Now I wouldn't. I could not. Not after he did all that.

– What did you do to that man? That wasn't... possible.

– I killed him, what do you think? – He said naturally, not trying to hide how messed up that was. My eyes got wide with fear. – I usually don't tell people that, have to keep the "good guy" image. But you don't have that long.

We were far from everything. It was dark. No one was around. I could see the lights of the Tent of Telepathy but they were far, very far.

– W - What are you going to do to me?

– Since you're the chosen one, I won't give you a painful death – he replied. – In fact, I'll let you choose. What kind of death would you like, Pines?

– De - Death?

I had never been more terrified.

– Hey, stop, if this is part of the show, it isn't funny! I don't like it!

Dipper laughed at me.

– Life is a show, boy – he said, getting something from his pocket. I hoped my eyes were wrong. I hoped that wasn't a knife. – Hand me the book. Right now.

– N - No. It's my uncle's. It's not yours...

– Pines... – he lowered his voice, getting closer and closer to me. Get away. – I know you don't know who you're messing with, so I'll allow you to act stupid for a while...

I walked back, unsure of what was happening. "Run" my mind told me, "run, you can run". But no, I couldn't. He was taller than me, probably much faster. There was no escape. I was completely vulnerable to him. And I hated that.

– I'm Mason Gleeful. Or Dipper, as many call me. I am the most powerful man in the world. No one can compete against me, no one can ever try to defeat me, no one... can disobey me. Understand? This is not a joke, I don't joke, I don't mess around. I get what I want when I want. And I give people the punishment they need, the punishment I feel like they need. I'm the one who chooses, okay? And I don't choose for people to stay alive when I don't want to. It's going to be painless if you give me that book... In fact, I'll let you stay alive. It's fun seeing you like this.

I could not believe it. I handed him the book, scared for my life.

– Oh, and if you tell _anyone_ about this, I'm going to bury you. And I decide whether I kill you before doing that or not.

He left. When he turned, his cape flew and almost hit me in the face. Tears finally started streaming down my face.


	4. 4. The Hand That Rocks Pacifica

I made my way inside the tent. Of course everyone had already left, it was just me and the comforting stage now. I got up, playing back the memory of how pathetic Pines looked when he handed me the journal.

Now I knew why he was the chosen one. For  _me_. Mabel had no relation to this, as usual. I was the best one, the most powerful one,  _the_ one. The world was made for me and I wouldn't let it down. I looked down at the book I had just stolen, it was open on one of the first pages, it talked about floating eyeballs. Yes, there was no doubt. It was from the same author. It even had the same handwriting...

– You're finally here – I closed the book, holding it close to my heart and pulling it away. I stared at the cover in disbelief. – Journal 3? There are three?!

I could not believe it. Oh no. How many were there? Would my search ever end? I spent so long looking for it, there is no way it wasn't done. It had to be a joke, it had to be a joke, it had to be a joke, it had to be a joke.

– Well. I guess this is definitely better than nothing – and it was. I had some reading to do.

I spent the whole night in my office, savouring every word of that incredible creation... As there were many blank pages near the end, I assumed that really was the last one. That was a relief. And one of the pages, it went with my book's. All I needed now was journal number 1. And it would all make sense.

I would be known, admired, and feared everywhere in the world.

I called for Will. I think it was about four in the morning. He didn't take long to arrive, he never did. The look on his face when he saw me reading was slightly like a bridge between relief and confusion. I wanted to show him the book, an interesting page I found.

– Hey, Will. I found journal 3 and it says some things about you that left me... puzzled?

– Does it? – he came closer, looking at the pages himself. – What does it show?

I showed the part to him. He read it.

"I must now reveal the name of my "Muse". Beware Will. The most powerful and dangerous creature I've ever encountered. This nightmare in disguise will seduce you with never-ending flattery until he gets what he wants – and what he wants is the destruction of this reality. Whatever you do, never let him into your mind. There is no telling what damage Will might do. How many of my thoughts have been manipulated? Dreams corrupted. My right eye is so sore it bleeds on the page – the cost of letting him possess me. Has he possessed others? According to my research, his deceit can be detected. It is possible to follow the demon into a person's mind and prevent his chaos."

"WILL CAN'T BE TRUSTED! DO NOT SUMMON AT ALL COSTS!"

Will looked at the pages like he remembered something. I wanted to know what that all meant. In journal 2, only great things were said about him. What had happened between the two?

– So? – he looked at me, his bruises were smaller than it was the day before. – What does it all mean?

– Many things happened. Before I got stuck in that dimension – he started. I paid close attention to him, all I wanted was to have all my questions answered. – I am older than the universe itself, so nothing is really recent.

"A lot happened to me, right here, in this dimension, before you came to this country, and even before you were born. I used to... use my powers more. Use it for evil. Use it for the sake of... chaotic results. Chaotic results that would benefit only myself, and my plans... And my brother as well."

–  _That_  brother?

– Yes, that one. But he is not important – he looked up, expression changed. – What I mean is, I know who wrote that, because I destroyed his life. Dream Demons cannot be trusted. Ever. All of us are built for evil, all of us share the same objective.

– And that is?

– Destroying reality. Making everything ours.

 _Right_. I had always known that Will was strong. I had always known that Will was powerful. But I never wondered what he used to be like before being stuck in the dimension his brother trapped him in. I had always known that he had killed millions. He was the perfect demon for us.

I wanted to know more. I wanted him to say more. But I also wanted the mystery...

– I killed his family. And then I killed him. Before he had the chance to do anything with me.

– You killed the author? – I exclaimed. He nodded. – Why didn't you tell me you knew him?

– I never knew he wrote... When you showed me journal 2, I had no idea it was him, I've made many deals in this dimension.

From what I knew, Will chose this dimension a billion years ago, but something happened. And he was punished. He was kept somewhere time doesn't pass normally, so it was more than a few years to him. It felt like, eternity, he says? Probably. We were the ones to find his enchantment and bring him to reality. He would still be imprisoned if not for me. And that's why he owed me so much. I didn't know much more. That's all he felt like sharing, and all we allowed him to share. I would have to ask again some other time. Or not. Maybe ignorance was bliss in that situation.

– So when your brother shielded every existing enchantment that could bring you back... the only one he couldn't find was written in a human book, by some dumb human from  _this_ dimension?

– The author wasn't exactly  _dumb_ , but yes.

I had always thought the journal was from another dimension. I could never imagine how close the author could be to me. I guess I didn't believe in our reality that much. Since everyone I knew was useless and completely stupid. But it was nice to know. Hell, it was  _great_ to know. Will left the office, leaving me with the information of how evil he really was. Or used to be. When I finished reading, I closed the book and kept it together with the second one, hoping to have the complete collection soon, knowing that I would.

"And Will, what was his name?"

"I apologise. I cannot remember."

"It's okay."

Why did Pines have this book? Why did Stanford have this book? If it came from someone here in this dimension, and both were found here, the first one had to be somewhere in Gravity Falls...

When I first travelled to Oregon to live with my uncle, I did not think it would be like that. I did not think I would become so powerful. I did not think I would be so perfectly destined for great things. And there was so much more to come. That was only the beginning of my fame, of my infinite power. Of my potential.

I woke up early the next day, with Mabel poking me for some odd reason.  _I cannot yell at her,_ I thought. And I didn't. There had been too much in my head lately, I wasn't in the mood to get angry.

– What do you want?

– We need to go into town today. Let people know about our show.

What? Ugh, why now? This had to be Stanford's idea.

– Why? People already know about our show.

– Stanford and I decided to make a commercial. And also add more interesting numbers. We're rehearsing today too, get ready.

– Mabel, what the hell? – I said, still half asleep. I just wanted her to leave my room. – Can't we do that another time? Does it have to be today?

– YES, Dipper, come on! Stanford will punish you if you don't go.

Punish me, punish me, sure. I was used to his punishment, it couldn't hurt me anymore. His punishments might have scared me when I was eleven, but they didn't anymore. I was now immune to him, he had "hurt" me too much. I WASN'T SCARED OF STANFORD.

He had damaged me to the point that I could not be damaged. Ever again.

– Tell him I'll kill him if he tries – and she groaned, annoyed. I was  _not_ joking.

– When will you stop with this about killing him? When will you two stop being so immature?

I looked her in the eyes, dead serious.

– Shut up, Mabel.

Mabel made an angry face at me. She got up from where she was sitting and left my bedroom, telling me to get ready quickly. Or she would "punish me herself".

I'd like to see her try. Maybe she forgot who the powerful twin is.

I got ready to go with her. It was so early, almost no one was outside. I guess Stanford really was a complete idiot, what a surprise.

We were noticed by a lot of people. Gravity Falls wasn't a big town, so everyone knew who we were. Everyone cherished us, admired us, just like they should. I let Mabel do all the talking, I don't really talk much when I'm not on stage. We spent more than an hour in one place, Mabel doing tricks and the children and adults clapping her. I left the crowd, letting her do all the work. That was what he wanted anyway, to be the star. I guess I'd let her do it for one day.

I wanted to be close to the journal again. And if Will hadn't killed the author, would he still be alive? What generation of his family would be there at that moment, watching Mabel be powerful and beautiful? How close was I to him really?

– Dipper!

Hm? I looked to the source of the voice. It was Pacifica Southeast, the chosen one. The female one.

– Hi! It's me, Pacifica, but you probably knew that!

– Yeah, I did know that – she smiled and sat next to me, on the bench I was sitting on. She was too close, I hoped she wouldn't touch me.

– I just had to apologise to you for leaving in such a hurry last night – she said loudly, but lowered her voice shortly after. – Gideon ran home and I had to catch him, you know how it is!

– Oh... sure, I know how it is.

She laughed. What an annoying laugh...

– Okay, maybe you don't know how it is, because the person you have with you is Mabel, not someone like Gideon. I mean, I'm not saying Mabel is the only person you have! I mean! Is she? Not that I want to know, I just thought it'd be relevant for the topic that I... just created... I'm... sorry, I'm confused?

I couldn't help but let out a small laugh myself. She was pathetically foolish.

– Okay, erm – she breathed deeply before continuing. – I just wanted to congratulate you on the show, since I couldn't do that last night. I actually liked it a lot. It was my first one and it was very impressive, you never fail to woo the crowd!

– Thank you, Southeast. I am glad you enjoyed last night's show.

– Sure! You're really great, Dipper! And you talk fancy!

I remained silent, waiting to see if she would continue, and if she was going to mention anything about Pines. Because if he had told her, I would kill both of them.

– I'm glad I already made friends in this town, it's a very great place! – she stretched her arm in my direction, waiting for... a handshake?

– Excuse me, I do not like to touch the low.

– The low? Pff, that's a weird way to put it!

What? Why wasn't she offended? Why did she only laugh like it was a joke? Why was she so happy and why did I hate her so much?

– Wait, was that serious?

– I am Dipper Gleeful, Pacifica – I replied. – There's no one more serious than me in this town.

She laughed  _again_. Her laugh was even worse than Mabel's. I just wanted to slit her throat open, for a million reasons.

– I think you'd have to fight with Gideon for that one – she said.  _Gideon_. I wondered if I had given him nightmares. And I hoped so. I hoped he couldn't forget the fear. I hoped he was in complete trauma. I hoped that that would damage his feeble life forever. I decided to ask her, just to make her shut up about meaningless subjects.

– Do you know why Pines ran away last night?

– Oh! He was scared of what you did to that Tad guy. That body art was incredible, did you hire the man?

The Tent of Telepathy wins again. All enemies defeated.

– No, he was a viewer. We have our ways. So how is Gideon now?

Pretending to be interested in something was  _tiring_. At least I knew I meant it as "is Gideon completely panicked and terrified?" or "is Gideon now full of fear of leaving the house because he knows he can find me in the streets?". I meant everything but real care for Pines. Or for any of the chosen ones.

– He's still very altered, I think. I don't think he's very brave!

– Of course he isn't! What would make you think he is?

She smiled. And then she saw that Mabel was there too. Doing her thing with her people.

– Oh, are you busy? I could go if you want! Or I could stay? And watch you do your magic? – she annoyed me so. Much. – Tell me, is it real? Gideon says magic isn't real, but I know it is! Is yours real or is it just tricks! I mean, tricks are pretty nice too, 'cause you have to work on them, it's not just being born with it, you know? So is yours real? It seems real! Can you make a chicken appear or something?

I got up. I couldn't be close to someone like her.

– Here you go, Pacifica.

I moved my hands and made six birds fly out of it, pretty simple tick, and left.

– You're the best, Mister Magic! Bye!

What a waste of beautiful face that girl was. Maybe she could be the next person I kill.


	5. 5. The Inconveniencing

The sight of the bloodied man really messed with my head. And the scene with Dipper messed with it even more. I took ages to sleep, and on the next day, I could still see the man's sliced throat every time I closed my eyes.

    And I couldn't help but remember. I could've got my throat sliced just like him. If I hadn't handed him the book, I would be dead.

Pacifica didn't seem bothered by it, she must've really believed it was a trick.

I couldn't understand it. But my mind was focusing on my fear of Dipper. So I wasn't wrong. He was scary. He wasn't good. He never was.

– Don't make that face, it's ugly.

A voice dragged me out of my thoughts. I was so focused on the yesterday and it still felt like I was in the Tent of Telepathy.

But I was in the shack. And Wendy Valentino, one of the employees, was there too.

– Oh? Sorry, my mind was somewhere else.

– Yeah, not hard to notice – she said sarcastically, continuing to paint her nails black. – Don't apologise either, it's boring.

I chuckled. Wendy was 19, and she had been working at my Great Uncle's Shack for about four years. She had long ginger hair, her eyes were green as olives. Her ear was covered in piercings. She was always wearing a weird coat with a bleeding heart on it. Wendy was very... rebellious. She had almost got in legal trouble three times in the previous year, and had got her boyfriend, Robbie, in trouble many times too.

Wendy was very scary. You just never know what she might come up with, and that day was one of those moments.

– Hey. Wendy, what do you think of the Gleeful twins?

– Mabel's a bitch, Dipper's an old friend – she looked me in the eye. – Can you believe that that brat stole my boyfriend and he disappeared months after, saying he had left the country because "his love for Mabel was too much for him to handle"? I was so angry, I guess you can't really trust anyone here.

– Hey, that sucks. And Dipper is your friend?

– I mean, old friend. We haven't hung out in a while, I guess – Wendy was very scary. You just never know what she might come up with, and that was one of those moments, I had no idea about this connection with him. – He got too famous, too busy, he's not really the gang type anymore.

– What's the gang type like? – I was slightly afraid of the answer.

– Not rich, not snobbish, not famous – she looked up, thinking. – Kinda misunderstood, I think? Funny, fun... like you, I guess.

– Like me?

– Yeah, except the funny and fun part – oh. – Dipper used to be all that, believe it or not. I mean, he was always rich, I think, but not boring rich.

And scary rich. And killer rich. And spine-chilling rich. And horrifying rich. And gruesome rich. And more. There were a lot of adjectives I could use to describe him right now.

– Hey, wanna get your mind off stuff? – she asked me. I nodded. – My friends and I are gonna see this abandoned shop in town tonight, we could bring you.

I was confused about what to say. I could see something there that would traumatise me even more.

Or I could have fun? But I don't know, going out with older people to invade places doesn't seem to fit me very much.

– Who's going? – I asked because I really didn't want to respond.

– Robbie, Tambry, Nate, Lee and me. And you and your blonde friend, if you say yes.

Pacifica, where is she?

– I mean... isn't it dangerous?

– Are you scared? – she smiled at me throwing part of her hair to the side.

– I don't know, maybe? – I answered. – What if they find us and my aunt gets the fault, anything could happen!

She laughed. Now I was really confused about whether I should go or not.

– Come on, Pines, you don't trust us? We've done worse and we're okay.

I imagined what a day with her, Mabel and Dipper in the same room would feel like.

– Okay, look at the clock, work finishes now – she got up even though her nails weren't finished. She flashed another unexpected smile at me, probably ironically, and went to the door. – I'll pick you up at 7. If you don't want to come, then don't. But you have an hour to decide.

And she left. Just like that.

I tried hypnosis. I tried drawing the scene. I tried describing it to myself in the mirror. I tried screaming and I tried reading and I tried asking Melody, but she wasn't there. And I couldn't tell anyone.

I didn't tell Pacifica. I went to our bedroom to see if she was home, and she was smiling.

– Hey? – she turned to me quickly, surprised that I had seen her. – Do you want to go out with Wendy?

She thought for a second, and smiled wide,

– Yeah! – she responded.

– Oh, that was quick. Are you happy?

– Yes! I went to the park today, and the Gleeful twins were there. I even talked with Dipper.

Oh no. Oh no.

– He actually talked to me, Gideon! Can you believe it?

Oh no. What was she trying to say...?

– D - Dipper? Are you falling for him?

– Gideon, come on! – she yelled. – Yesterday when I said "Isn't Dipper charming?", that was absolutely best friend code for "I like him"! Hello???

No. It couldn't be. Not him. Not her. Not them. Not now. It could be any other boy, literally any.

– W - Why him, Pacifica? – I questioned. – For real? But he's like... famous, maybe not the best choice.

– It's never a choice, Gideon – she replied. I guess? – Can't I like the nicest guy in town? Even if he's a bit odd, we all are!

She opened a big smile. I knew Pacifica was one to fall for every kind of guy, but not him. Not the guy who traumatised me. Not the guy who stole from me, almost hurt me, and threatened to end my life. Not. Him. I wish I could scream "Pacifica! He's a killer!"

I couldn't believe she couldn't see it. I couldn't believe only I knew. It was right there! On everyone's faces! Dipper was an insensitive and irrational man that she could not risk being close to. He could do anything. And he had surely done a lot.

I wanted to protect Pacifica. She meant so much to me, and not because she was my only friend. But because she was my best friend. There's not much I would do without her. Summers wouldn't make sense without her by my side. And I knew Dipper's true side now. And I could sense what he was capable of. And knew how little he cared for others. And how hurt she could get.

This time, I wasn't afraid of her being heartbroken. I was afraid of her being dead.

We didn't talk about it anymore. I hoped the night with Wendy would be fun. But I didn't have high expectations. When she arrived, I was sweating more than I should be. "They're not going to kill you, Gideon. Please calm down."

But I didn't. I went with them, we invaded the shop, Tambry made fun of my height, but said it was "friendly fun", they messed around the corridors, it was... refreshing, actually. Until we all sat down together.

– Guys, please don't do this again – Wendy's boyfriend said. He was sweating more than me, surprisingly. His green button up shirt and tie reminded me of the man on the Gleeful stage, but I would really rather ignore that. – You know how Susan is, she's going to kill me once she finds out.

Nate laughed. Or maybe it was Lee? I couldn't really tell them apart. All I saw when I looked at them was the severed man. Wendy pulled Robbie for a hug, smiling.

– Poor Robbie is missing his jobbie – she started caressing his hair and I was wondering how they could be making fun of him. For being fair and working properly? I didn't get it. – Relax, babe, I brought something for you.

I thought she meant a present. But what she had was a cigarette, apparently.

– Thanks, Wendy, you rule – Lee/Nate laughed and stole the thing from her hand. Tambry laughed at them, and I saw him lighting it and actually smoking it.

– That was for Robbie but I brought more so it's okay – she turned to Robbie, who was trying to calm down and smile at her. – Here you go.

He thanked her. And they three started smoking. I get that they're of age, so it's not a problem. I just didn't think they did. And I didn't think Robbie would, but he did.

– I don't think we need to offer it to blondie, she looks relaxed with her sweet stuff – we all looked at Pacifica, who was covered in some kind of sugar which had been banned years ago. – Hey, Pacifica, how many of those did you have?

– Too much! – she replied, laughing, slightly altered. I knew what was coming. I was sure of it.

– Want one, Gideon?

No. Please, no.

– No, thank you.

– I've heard you've been having problems, Pines – Wendy started, and everyone paid attention to what she was saying about me. – Like, not being able to concentrate, because of thinking of something else.

– Or someone else? – Tambry joked.

– In any case, it does help – Wendy was very serious about that. But I knew she didn't care about me, so I wonder why she was offering to help. – Just ask Robbie.

The nervous working-boy looked at me.

– It does, promise – and Wendy smiled at him, getting a smile back. – You don't need to try if you don't want to, but it's one way to stop thinking about... unwanted stuff.

I guess I was thinking about unwanted stuff. A lot. And with Robbie saying that and wearing his button up shirt and tie at the same time, it made me want to try it, somehow. Just so I could forget.

– No, I don't want to – I firmly stated. – But thank you.

I know why I said no. I didn't want Dipper to win again. I could do this, the hard part was over. I couldn't let him keep messing with my thoughts, making my head all weird. I had to get through this alone, without any unwanted help from damaging participants.

If the Gleeful twins wanted to do that to me, I wouldn't let them.

They accepted it. And continued their talks, from which I was extremely blocked from participating. I didn't really have a way of talking with them. Or anyone, really. I never was a talkative person but I always wished I could be. The only person I had natural conversations with was Pacifica. Pacifica talked a lot. She was good at that.

Not many things happened on that night. But a lot happened on that night as well. I thought a lot. It was very late when Wendy's friends took me home, and it was interesting. And I got to distract myself from that the most I could. Wendy and her friends weren't that weird, after all. Or maybe they were, I'm not sure. What I mean is, it wasn't bad. It wasn't bad at all.

– Take care, Pines. Punch what you're thinking of. Don't let it bother you, life is short.

– But he's shorter – Tambry joked, laughing straight after. I laughed too.

– I will, Wendy. Goodbye.

– Bye, but hey! Before you go... are the Gleefuls causing you trouble?

I stared at her, not sure how to reply.

– Gleeful? Dipper? Ohhh, he's so handsome, isn't he, Wendy? I just want to kiss that face non-stop!

Wendy laughed. Should I say it? Only she and Pacifica would hear it, the others were far away. And Pacifica would forget, she was too high to remember anything specific. Did Wendy know about what he did? Was there more to the end of their friendship than him becoming famous?

How much more would I find out? What else was there?

– No, Wendy. It's okay.

– Oh. Good – she replied. – Because you randomly mentioned him this afternoon, so I thought... well, better this way. I think I'll call him tomorrow. See how he is.

– That's a good idea.

It wasn't.

I took Wendy's advice. I punched Dipper in my head.

Wendy was... nice? Maybe not nice, but cool for sure. And helpful. I don't see how she could be friends with Dipper, but I can see how she can date Robbie. They are like each other's missing puzzle piece. And that was good to notice.

Pacifica slept as soon as we arrived. It was about midnight. I lay down trying to not think of that. And that time, it was a little easier for me to sleep, but banning thoughts was never easy.

What was that book anyway and why did Dipper want it so much?


	6. 6. Dipper vs. Manliness

I woke up feeling powerful once again. I paid no attention to which day of the week we were in, but I knew we were a month and a half away from something... grand. Mother's death day was never a pleasant time for me, or my sister... I think. Mabel never showed much care for it, for some odd reason. It was like she believed Stanford could... replace mother? It was like he had stolen her from us, like he was forcing her to submit to his meaningless acts, as a way for him to think more highly of himself.

I couldn't keep him off my head for too long. Laughable man, always trying to mess with me.

But he couldn't. And I would prove that to him. He would suffer what I believed he deserved to suffer.

And he would leave me alone.

That day was doomed for greatness, and I could sense that. Future vision didn't show me many details, more like feelings and... smells sometimes. It was more abstract on that day, in constant movement.

I got a call first thing in the afternoon. After a whole morning of reading and... daydreaming about torture, I heard my phone ringing, unsure of who it could be. Not many individuals had the advantage of having my number, stars are not always available. But when I read the name "Wendy" on the screen, I became curious. I put my reading aside and delved into the call. "Hello?" I asked.

– Hey, Dipper – her voice sounded... the same as last time. But weird as well. It was my first time hearing her speak in a long, long while.

– Hey, Wendy...? – I spoke, in a questioning tone. – What is the reason for this call?

Didn't she work in the Mystery Shack... where Gideon lives? Maybe that was his first plan against me? I wasn't sure. Mind reading wouldn't give me anything in a phone situation. She spoke.

– Woooow, remember when you weren't this pompous? – and she  _laughed_. Okay. I knew who Wendy was. She knew who I was. She was indeed the only person I ever considered to be "a friend". She had had the intimacy to... insult me? before. But after so long, I couldn't help but find her words offensive. Yes, I am pompous and there is nothing wrong with that, I just know I am the best and no one can change my mind.  _What did she want?_ – Just kidding, man, how's it going?

– You were never one for casual conversation, Valentino.

– Wow, man, seriously. Do you speak like that all the time now? Doesn't it get boring? It's very... weird. No offense, Dipper, you're weird now.

And she laughed  _again_. What did she... expect me to? Act like her... casually? Like I did three years before, before I even had William? How could I ever return to that? I wasn't  _that_ Dipper anymore. I couldn't talk like her anymore, I couldn't use stupid slangs anymore. I had grown up. I had grown better. And even if Wendy was the only one I would feel... down about killing... that didn't mean I had to be one of  _her_ people again.

I had grown past that. I was the best now. Maybe I had always been the best but before, it was different.

So,  _yes_. I always spoke like that. What did she want me to do? Change?

– Did Pines make you call me?

– Pines? What, why? – she asked, and I hoped Gideon hadn't included her into this... why would she even help that brat anyway? – Thought we were friends, Gleeful Twin. Wake uuup, I called to talk with you a bit, catch up...

– Catch up after what, three years? Things have changed a lot, Wendy.

– Yeah... you have. I mean, I'm still up for friendship if you are.

I stood in silence. I had called her my friend before. It wouldn't hurt to do it once more.

– Sure, we can start talking again. Whenever I'm not busy.

"Hard for you not to be" she laughed. Wendy hadn't changed. She still sounded rebellious and emotional, always ready to fight authority whenever she felt like it. We had been great partners, when we still went out together. Wendy was strong, never letting herself be vulnerable to anyone. Except for Robert, when she started to like him, a long time before. I wondered if they were still together.

– This sudden connection does not have... amorous reasonings, does it? – she chuckled.

– What the hell, Dipper, of course not – I nodded, relieved. If she did have the objective to romanticise with me, then I would've wished to murder her. – I have a boyfriend, and you're not even my type.

– So your type is not a handsome man who's destined for greatness and world dominance?

– Nah, my type is... cute and stupid. Good guy, you know? Someone who cares for me? Yeah, Robbie matches all that.

I could hear the smile on her voice. Wendy never was one to smile, only laugh sometimes. And I wasn't one for caring. Maybe I really wasn't her type. Maybe she was good enough to be almost on my level.

– And why? Is your type not a dark and fun girl like me? What if I did have "romantic reasons", or whatever you said?

– Then I'd be torn between poisoning your drink or drowning you in a lake. What would you prefer?

– Poison, anytime – I kept that in mind. – I see you're still obsessed with talking about death... I like that part of you. It's cool.

I was "cool" to her. To most people I had threatened, I was "vile". I wonder which adjective Pines would use to describe me. Me and my power.

– I know someone who thinks you're her type. And I'm sure she wouldn't like me telling you, but we're friends, so...

Right, another admirer. I mostly didn't feel anything towards the previous ones. Some were just ignored, others were entertained for a while but killed shortly after... others entertained and left to go safely, it depended on what I felt like doing. Many were also killed before anything could happen, just because... it is easier to attract what's attracted to you. It's also easier to stab someone who's in your own bedroom, on your own bed, oblivious to how villainous you can be. Preys were always so easy to capture, it wasn't even that fun anymore.

– Another one? You haven't set me up with anyone for a long time, Miss Romance...

– You absolutely  _suck_ at romance, Dipper. All of them either left to travel or just suddenly disappeared, and most of them wouldn't even say bye to me? You must be a terrible boyfriend.

She joked, but it was true.

– What can I say, I was never their type.

– Sure. Well, Gideon's blonde friend, Pacifica. She's head over heels for you, alright.

– She is?

– I mean, it could have been because she was high off sugar, but probably? I don't know, I'm just letting you know 'cause... she's fun? She's funny, she's sweet... opposites attract?

Oh no, I felt like vomiting. Ugh...?

– Wendy Valentino really is soft for love, how did I not know...

– You did know, you douche – she replied. – I just think you should give her a chance, she's talked a lot about her weird "summer romance" thing.

Yeah, no. Absolutely no. I would not even pretend to have feelings to someone as uninteresting and annoying as her. Summer romance thing? What did that even mean? I talked to Wendy for a while, and she explained why she stopped coming to our shows. I don't blame her, she's always been immensely sad all the time. Maybe if I killed her that would end her suffering, but I really had never wished to murder Wendy. Ever. She is... the only person? I never had thoughts about killing.

Right. So Pacifica Southeast was interested in me. I needed to stop being so exceptionally charming all the time... And Mabel was interested in Gideon, apparently. So I guess he was twice as screwed up. Just like it's supposed to be.

But I never was one for enemies. I never did worry about anyone stopping me. I could say that I hate Stanford with my entire being but he's not... my enemy? No one is. They're just all worse than me and will all be my slaves soon, but that is it. Gideon Pines was too pathetic for me to even consider him an enemy. That boy was so weak that the only possible "enemy" he could claim to have would be a small fly. And he wouldn't hurt it. With his best friend now falling for me, I guess that was funny. But I suppose I didn't feel a strong desire to cause him bad. I don't  _need_ for Gideon to be screwed up, but it would  _certainly_ be fun. And with all my heart, I was happy to have traumatised him. And yes, I wished the trauma lasted.

Maybe it's a good thing that Wendy invited me to go to the Mystery Shack, just to "mess around with her" whilst she worked. I said yes, and oh, how I wanted to visit Gideon. Just to scare him away and maybe, just maybe... see how Pacifica reacts.

The future vision wouldn't show me much. But yeah, I trusted my instincts. I decided I'd go to the Mystery Shack. And see how badly they'd both react. That would be great, I'm sure of it. I knocked on the wooden door and an adult woman opened it for me. She had full lips, tan skin, and light brown hair. I assumed she was the Melody Ramirez, one of the owners. I could see behind her that most of the shop was made of wood. She recognised me, as she should have.

– Heeey, it's the Gleeful Twin! – she pointed at me, stating. – Is there an easier way to call you? What would that be?

– Dipper Gleeful would be okay, Madam – I could see the enormous bookshelf behind her, as if that was the main attraction in the whole place. I wanted to take a look. – Is Gideon Pines here?

– He's... in his bedroom, I think. But I can call him! I'm sure he'd be happy about a celebrity like you visiting our shop! – she didn't annoy me as much as her husband did. And she was less stupid.

And she reminded me of mother.

– I don't know, can I come in?

She let me come in, saying I could've come in at any time because apparently "the shop was open". Well, that's a very strange way to run a business, if customers can just walk in whenever they want.

Or maybe that was the right way to do it? Probably not, it sounds dumb.

I entered the Shack. I had been there before but it was twice as big now. Wendy was improperly sitting on a table right next to the door. She waved at me and I just gave her a look. That would be a nice property to own... to steal? To burn down? It was big and well-built, it almost interested me. The paintings on the wall and artifacts on the table were intriguing but awfully tiring to look at. Even the carpet was annoyingly old. And I could see almost no blue. Tragic.

Probably-Melody-Ramirez said she'd leave for work and begged for Wendy to behave. I overheard her saying "treat him well". The perks of being powerful... We were soon left alone.

– Treat me well – I walked towards her, and saw her raise her hand up, waiting for a high five.

– True, forgot you were exclusive now – I rolled my eyes. She held my wrist and forced our hands into a high five, just like I knew she would do. – Or did you just spend so long without cool friends like me that you forgot how friendship works?

I laughed through my nose. "Maybe both".

Gideon did show up. After about ten minutes. He and Pacifica entered the place where we were together, just as I was laughing at something Wendy had said. I could see and feel the energy of each their reactions when they spotted me. And they were both so extremely funny. I wanted to take a picture of Pines' terrified eyes and look at it whenever I felt like laughing.

And Southeast. Her heart was beating fast again, and this time I knew why.

I wasn't sure who would speak first. Would it be Wendy? Would it be Pacifica? I don't know. But Gideon and I were too busy staring at each other to say a single word.

I could read his mind. But only the aura of it. A lot was going on in there, and I accomplished my goal. I scared him away. The look in his eyes showed that he did not want to be near me. The way his mouth trembled showed that he was remembering everything I had said. The way his hands were holding on to his stupid cap showed that he wanted to fight me, but knew he couldn't. He knew he was weak, he knew he was too weak for me. He knew I would kill him. He knew I could kill him anyway, he knew I could kill. And it was so great that he did. Because none of the other people in the scene knew that. And if he told them, or gave any hints that I could be evil, I would destroy him in every single way possible. After making a bloodshed of the girls, of course.

It was so fun, I was so entertained. The Gideon Show in the Mystery Shack was interesting me more than The Gleeful Twins in the Tent of Telepathy. I wanted to give all that a 5-star rating.

– Hey! Dipper! – I knew it. The blonde went up to where Wendy and I were sitting, showing her metallic smile. – How are you!

That scene was  _hilarious_. No customers were around, it was literally just us and the deplorable situation in which Pines found himself in. He wouldn't even  _move_. What? Can't take a super powerful man threatening to kill you right after watching him kill someone? Maybe don't be the chosen one. Maybe don't ever come close to me. Maybe don't be born into my world.

I just wanted to laugh loudly. But I simply smiled.

– Hello, Pacifica – I tried making the best seductive voice I could think of, and it probably worked.

I couldn't believe Gideon was just standing there.

– Hello, Gideon.

I think that woke him up from his... hopefully very damaging thoughts.

– Oh, h - hi, Dipper – he mumbled. – Why a - are you here?

Pacifica didn't notice he was almost losing his own balance. She was still staring at me. Now  _that_ was a good combination. One who admires me and one who fears me. That was all I ever wanted.

– I came to visit Wendy – I replied, and noticed Wendy raise her hand up and making some strange gesture. – And you two, of course.

I wasn't trying hard to make Pacifica interested. It was not hard at all to make her sigh over hearing my words, or smile over watching my eyes. And I knew why.

– Ughhh, you're so greeeat – she talked as if she was complaining. I could just see Gideon's expression change. And how I wanted to agree with her, just to make him angry. – I MEAN, not great great, or maybe yes great great. What would great great even mean? I just mean you're so thoughtful and good to us and you make me smile and I love watching you. BUT NOT IN A WEIRD WAY, you know what I mean, what am I even saying?

– Wow Pacifica, keep your shirt on – Wendy interrupted, and both she and I laughed. I hope Gideon was angry at me for acting like that.

– Oh no, that's not what I mean – Pacifica laughed and covered her face. She was still strange, although I could use her to piss Gideon off.

– But thoughtful he really is, Pacifica. I had never seen Dipper not be busy in over two years.

I laughed at Wendy's words. They weren't entirely untrue. I made up an excuse.

– Yeah, I asked my butler Will if he could help me with stuff today. So I'm free.

– Will you be free tomorrow?

Wow.

– Wow, Pacifica – Wendy said.

I couldn't say yes. But I wanted to mess with Gideon. I needed to. But I really couldn't.  _Stanford._

– Not tomorrow, sorry – I replied, trying to be as sweet as I could possibly try to be. – But there's a festival on Saturday, do you wanna come?

I had not been planning to go to that festival. Gravity Falls festivals never were my thing, always crowded with stupid powerless mortals trying to have fun. But right there? Seeing Gideon shake his head "no"? Watching Pacifica's eyes glow up stupidly? Yes. I was going to that festival without a single hesitation.

– Yeah! Yeah, okay, I can go!

– Perfect.

She was jumping inside, I could see. Wendy and Gideon were both probably uncomfortable with what was happening, but Wendy did wink at me. She always did that a lot.

– So you're not coming to my party I haven't invited you to yet tomorrow? – she asked. "I can't" I replied. Not that I felt like going. Parties also never were my thing.

– Can we come?! – Pacifica yelled. Wendy laughed and nodded. I couldn't imagine what Pines during a party would be like. Probably scared of everything and everyone.

And Pacifica, probably gullible and helpless like she was.

Pacifica Southeast. I never thought I could find someone more weak for me than Will. But I did. And you're now part of the game.


	7. 7. Double Gideon

I cannot hold it any longer, I  _hate_ Dipper Gleeful.

And I'm not just saying that, I hate Dipper Gleeful with every part of me. Every single cell in my body wants him to burn, every beat of my heart begs him to leave me and my friend alone.

I hate him. So. Much.

And I know it's not nice to hate, especially someone you just met. But when this someone says they'll kill you and then acts like nothing happened, you'll hate them too.

Pacifica kept going on and on about their "date" on Saturday. Even hearing his name made me want to run away with her. He was  _so dangerous_ , and if I couldn't get him arrested, at least I could try making sure that Pacifica didn't stay close to him. Ever.

But how could I? I didn't  _own_ Pacifica. She was her own person who acted according to her  _own_ experiences. How would she stay away from him if he hadn't done anything bad to her... yet? She was completely lied to, and all I wished was that I was a little bit stronger. So I wouldn't be so ridiculously  _terrified_ of him.

I couldn't allow him to hurt her, not ever. Please.

Pacifica had a tendency to fall for guys. Like, every guy who's close to her age and talks to her at least once. Sometimes he doesn't even have to talk to her and she's already floating.

But not him, please, not him, not him.

I was invited to a party at Wendy's house. She somehow convinced me to go? And I had to repeat over and over in my head: Dipper's not gonna be there. Dipper's not gonna be there. Dipper's not gonna be there.

I can do this. I can face a stupid party. I've never been a fan of parties but tonight I'm a fan of everything except Dipper Gleeful, the monster. The monster dressed up as the sweet angel who did great all the time. He couldn't fool me. He could fool everyone, but not me.

– Gideooon, are you ready?

– Give me half a minute!

It took me less than that. I was ready, looked the same as always. My white hair under the same "dumb cap" as Pacifica liked to call it. The same type of outfit, same shoes, I didn't care. It was a party, sure, and I had never really dressed up for a party, but you know... I didn't care.

Pacifica, on the other hand, cared a lot. She was wearing different clothes. I couldn't focus a lot on them but they were certainly different. Her hair tied up low, a flower stuck to it. I couldn't tell if that was on purpose or not. With Pacifica, you can never be sure. We went to the party house. With every step, I asked myself "what, why am I doing this? Yeah, I almost died recently but I don't need to do stuff I've never done?" but this other side of my head kept saying it would be good for me. This side was Pacifica, jumping and repeating that she loved parties over and over again.

– What don't you love? – I asked. She looked up.

– Hm... bees?

– You love bees, Pacifica.

– You're right, I do love bees! – she smiled and did what I expected her to: showed me a picture of a bee she had seen on that week.

Must be nice to live like her. Enamoured by everything instead of  _terrified_ of everything.

– You know what else I like? Stars... Did you know that Dipper's birthmark is a constellation named "The Big Dipper"? And that's where he got his nickname from, so cute.

But of course. Being enamoured by everything also meant  _him_. And that, I would never.

– Birthmark? I could swear that was makeup.

– No, dummie, it's a chosen mark – I didn't even bother to ask her what  _the hell_ that meant, she just explained it. – What are the odds of being born with a perfect constellation on your forehead? Dipper's soul probably came from another world, meant to gift the Earth with his incredible magic. Probably why he's so perfect, sort of like an angel.

Gosh,  _shut up_ , that's all I could think. Perfect? Angel? Okay, I could not be bothered by this anymore, I  _had_ to accept that Pacifica was completely unaware of what Dipper was really like, just like everyone else in this old town. I needed to understand that he was good at pretending, and that she wasn't going to stop talking about how much she loves him or how "gifted" he is or any other stupid thing she says.

But that was so dumb. The Big Dipper wasn't even a constellation anyway.

– Do you think Mabel has a birthmark too? – I asked, pretending to be interested. Pacifica looked up, thinking.

– Hm, I don't know, but I can ask him on our date! – and she smiled wider than ever. – Why's that? Are you... interested in her?

What, no, I shook my head. I stared at her, completely incredulous, while she stared back in complete glee.

"You are, you are, you are!" she screamed whilst jumping up and down and holding my arm tight. Oh God, there was so much I wanted her to stop doing, why would I be interested in someone like Mabel?

– I'm  _not_ , Pacifica. I barely know her – but she didn't seem to care or pay attention to what I said.

– Awn, that would be so adorable! Me dating him and her dating you! It would be like, the new kids in Gravity Falls are the ones to get the hearts of Gleeful Twins, how nice does that sound? – not nice. – Is that why we're the chosen ones?! Gideon, that makes so much sense!

No, Pacifica, it doesn't. There's no "chosen one", they wouldn't fall in love with us, and they're scary. And we need to stay away from them. None of your fantasy is ever going to happen, unless you want to end up dead. I couldn't believe what she was saying.

– Maybe I can... Maybe I can ask him if we can have a double date, the four of us? – please no. – I didn't get his number, shoot. But maybe Wendy has it? I can ask her for it! How does that sound, Gid?!

I didn't have words. Pacifica had turned my brain into a puddle of water, unable to control and project smart speech. I just kept staring, and she kept staring too. I couldn't believe how serious she was.

It's not easy, dealing with the vengeance a trauma leaves. I never was a bad guy, I think. I never wished for anyone to get hurt. But I just needed him to leave my life, I was _begging_ for it. All I wanted, all I could think of, was for Dipper to pay for what he did. All I wanted was for him to pay for breaking me like that. For thinking that he has a say in what I am and am not scared of. He did not have the right to get in my head and mess with everything around.

_No Pacifica I don't want a double date with the scariest guy I know and his weird sister who's probably as evil as him you're out of your mind you need to come to your senses and know he's never gonna love you or do any good for you he's gonna be the end of you Pacifica please stop._

I couldn't say that, I can't say that. What did he do to me.

– No – I whispered when my voice finally decided it would work again. Pacifica glared at me. – Pacifica, no.

– Why not? – she went, as if I had been the one to ask her for romantic advice.

– Because I don't like her! –  I returned. – I've told you, she's like a superstar, I talked to her once, why would I feel anything for someone I haven't even touched?

– Wow, boys really don't understand love – I rolled my eyes. "Love". – You don't need to  _touch_ someone to fall in love with them, stupid. You just need to know how nice they are, and how much they mean to you.

"Mean to you"? What could Dipper Gleeful mean to Pacifica? The weirdo who seemed to be stalking us when we arrived? The guy she had known for  _days_ who only truly talked to her once? I couldn't change Pacifica's mind about him being good. But I could help her realise how wrong his whole vibe was.

– I really don't want to change the subject to Dipper, even when you just won't  _understand_ that I have no interest in Mabel – that was partially true, but I did want to change the subject to him. –  _Why_ do you think he's normal? No offense.

– Normal? – she laughed. I nodded. We were getting very close to the party now.

– Yeah, like, a normal guy – I don't know. – A guy who... talks... laughs... cries... normal.

She laughed  _very_ loudly.

– What?? Are you crazy? Are you saying Dipper doesn't... talk?

She laughed even more. I had no idea what I was saying. And I had no idea what else to say.

– I think I know who the normal guy between you two is.

She smiled, like it was a joke. Great. Great, great. I rolled my eyes again, probably.

– That's not... exactly... what I'm saying – I tried fixing it. – I'm saying, like...

I was in a loss for words. Maybe I shouldn't keep trying, maybe that was dumb.

– I mean, I've only seen him smile a few times, doesn't he seem like... a robot?

Okay, that was definitely dumb and I should stop. Pacifica was falling in love with a zombie and there was nothing I could do. Even  _looking_ at him was enough to notice that he wasn't a normal guy... but I guess Pacifica did see good in everything. And maybe I wasn't able to change that after all?

"Gideon, you're crazy" she yelled. We arrived, so our frustrating talk had to stop. I was  _so angry_. I wasn't even able to help her understand, I couldn't even try changing things.

I was helpless, I was out of the game of life, I had no control over anything. Not even myself. And that did not feel right.

The party  _sucked_. Every part of it. Pacifica danced a lot. Wendy moved around a lot. I couldn't help but notice her necklace had a blue stone on it, just like the dumb collar Dipper wore around his neck. His was much bigger and much lighter though. It sat in the middle of his tie and complemented his ridiculous blue costume. Mabel had one too, on top of her lace hair thing. I couldn't care less about what it was called. But the whole act, the whole pretending to be good and powerful, was  _so dumb_. They had costumes, they had  _costumes_. They had  _blue petals_ , they had  _a blue butler_. Why was everything about them so dumb and dramatic? Why did they look like they came out of a book? Why were they invading my mind when I should have been having fun that day? Why couldn't Wendy just wear her weird necklace without me having to be a creep about it?

Why. In Gravity Falls, why was always the question.

– Why you sitting there not doing anything?

I looked up. Why was definitely the question. A black haired girl with big oval glasses was staring at me. She didn't seem to be very good in English, and from her facial features, I assumed that she was Korean.

I didn't respond right away. I looked to my left ironically, and I have no idea why.

– Me?

– Yeah you, loser – what? – Where you from?

– I'm... I live in the Mystery Shack. I mean, for now. I actually live in California, but I'm here for the summer, so...

– You talk too much.

Wow. That girl  _sucked_. Her voice was cute but I wish she wasn't saying anything.

– Okay, excuse me, princess.

She rolled her eyes at me, folding her arms in front of her bright green dress. What was wrong with this town? Was everyone there this unbearable?

– Are you stupid?

–  _No_ , I'm not. Why?

– Wanna kiss me or not?

What. The hell.

– Why would I?

– This is a party?

Was that an answer or a question? Ughh, I was too angry to even try to understand. Is that what parties are really for? Maybe she was drunk or something, even if she didn't look a day past fifteen. She stared at me.

– Yes or no? – she asked, clearly getting sick of asking. I rose my eyebrows, looking around me. There were a lot kissing happening in that house, maybe that  _is_ what parties are for. I looked back at her. – Look, say quickly yes or no and I'll go.

Her accent was funny. And at that moment, I thought.

What the hell. Let's do this.

I jumped from where I was sitting and attacked the girl's mouth with all my force. I hoped I wasn't too sudden or brutal, but I just let my body take over. She tied her arms around my neck and drew me closer, pressing my chest against hers. It was my first kiss ever, and I was  _definitely_ recreating what I had seen on television. She didn't seem to be bothered by anything and neither did I. If my brain tried to be neurotic at that moment, if it tried to force me to pull away and stop kissing that stranger, I would have told it to shut up. And that was something I wish I could always do.

Her heels weren't tall, so she was the perfect height for me. I might have let her lead the kiss after the first five seconds, but that did not matter. Nothing did, really. I was ignoring my head, so everything was fine.

When we pulled away I saw Pacifica, from the dancefloor, looking at me and celebrating with her arms up. I stared back at the girl I had just kissed, and she stared back.

– Bye – she said. What? That wasn't like a romantic comedy scene at all.

– Wait – I stopped her before she could turn away. – I'm Gideon.

– I'm Candy – she replied. And then she left. And wow, I just stood there.

She still sucked. But all the rest. The rest didn't suck.


	8. 8. Irrational Treasure

I felt like that was an important day, so I knew what to do, as always.

– Hey, better be quick, you know how busy I am! – I heard Mabel say. I had invited her into my room.

– You're still busy?! – I asked, coming to the door and opening it for her. Mabel walked towards my bed and sat on it, clearly angry.

– I have more work than you and you know that! – yes, she really did, I guess. – Why does your bed smell like Will?

– Are you saying Will smells? – she laughed ironically. I got a chair and sat in front of her, preparing what I was going to say.

– When did you become so funny? – she asked with her beautiful ironic smile. – Everyone smells like something, idiot, and his smell is here. Anyway, I don't want to know about your weird things, why did you call me?

I smiled. I grabbed the box that was sitting under my table and opened it.

– We'll be 18 soon... and before mother died, she gave me this. And told me to give it to you on your 18th birthday – I handed her the beautiful blue jewellery our mother had painted herself. – I guess you can put it in your closet or something, just make sure to do something with it.

She opened her mouth, surprised.

– Wow. I didn't know you had one too.

– One what?

– Well, before she died, she gave me something too. And told me to give it to you.

I stared at her. She did?!

– She did?

– Yeah, and that's why I knew you were the favourite – I rolled my eyes at her. She always said that. – But since she had one for me too... it's beautiful.

– It really is – I answered, but I couldn't take my mind off what mother had  _for me_. The last thing she gave me had always been this, and it wasn't exactly for me. But now...

Mabel grabbed her jewellery, analysing every part of it. I smiled at her, still with a slightly shocked expression.

– Where's mine? – I asked, needing to know. – What is it?

– In my room, somewhere – she replied. – I'm not as organised as you and you know that!

Yes, she really wasn't, I guess.

– But I can only give it to you  _on_ your birthday. She said you could only have it on the day, no questions asked – I groaned, wondering what it was – Also, yours is wrapped, why isn't mine wrapped?

– Oh – I put the box back where it was, happy that I could finally give this to Mabel. I had always been scared of giving it away. It was the last thing I had of her. – It was, but I really had to see what it was.

Mabel looked at me with the most judgemental eyes. I laughed it off.

– Come on, I was nine! I'm more curious than you and you know that!

– I can't argue with that – she smiled, stone still in hands. – But I never opened yours. Because I'm older and more responsible and you know that.

– I definitely  _do not know that_ , Mabel.

I felt strange. My memory went back to that day. It was an important but not great day. When Mabel left my room, I called Will. I was about to ask him if I could do something... different. I knew it could mess with people. I knew it could be bad. But not to me. And I had to try. At that moment, I was sure I had to try.

Will didn't take long to arrive. As the incredible and macabrely attractive Dream Demon that he was, he entered the room. I held his right hand and asked it. What I had been meaning to.

– Can you make me see memories?

I knew it was a bad idea. And I knew it was a good one. I just couldn't tell the two apart. For me, it was a necessary idea. And I was going to go through with it.

– Yes – Will replied, with his hand still around mine. – We can see all, Master.

I smiled wide.

– Were you... asking if I can make  _you_ see memories? Or did you just want to know if I had the ability?

– No, I meant... me. I want to see a memory. Do it.

– Which memory would that be, Master?

I could read his mind. He was anxious, so his head was available for me to enter. Will didn't need to know the memory I would choose. He only needed to do the trick and I could do the choosing myself.

– You don't need to know what memory I want to see. It doesn't work like that.

– Has this got to do with your dead parent?

I wrapped my hands around his neck, as a warning.

– None of your business, William. Do it before I hurt you.

– Master. I mean that memories are strong. They are objects from the past, and most are meant to stay in the past, to preserve the head of the humans – hm... Will took both his hands to remove my hands from his throat and kept explaining. – The times I've used my memory powers on humans, it was for means of torture.

I kept staring at him. Any mentions of his past confused me. There was so much I didn't know about Will. And it was so charming how mysterious he was.

– And... they worked. The memories we chose made those humans go insane – he stared deeply into my eyes, and that was not the first time I threatened to hurt him before he calmed me down.

Will. Dear Will.

– So it's not easy. Not everyone can take it. No human has ever been okay with this.

I chuckled, coming even closer to his face. Will's expression was so sad. He was so sad. He always looked like that, I wonder why.

– Will.

He kept looking at me. And I saw in his mind that he thought I was going to stab him again. Or kiss him again, that was also in his head.

– My mother's death. Is not an issue to me.

I hadn't cried once since her death. Not even one time.

I don't cry.

I couldn't read Will's mind, suddenly. His mood must have had changed. He looked down, shaking his head.

– I apologise, Master.

– Do it.

He bowed in front of me, and I held his hair with strength, bringing him up again.

– I'm glad you listen to me, you futile man.

He smiled, trying to hold his tears back. So sentimental...

I could notice he was staring at my mouth. I held his chin and brought his head closer.

– My eyes are up here.

He looked down in order to hide his smile. I followed his movements with my eyes, and he seemed to notice it. He nodded, stepping away from me.

– I apologise, Master. Just look inside my eyes.

I was bewildered. I stared at his face, half of it was covered by his eyepatch with some hair falling over it and he had a long cut which had probably been my fault. However, nothing happened, I saw nothing.

– What?

– No, Master. Look inside both my eyes.

His words shocked me. I didn't know William had two eyes.

I put my hands covered by dark gloves on the cloth that covered the left side of his face and I pulled it out, preparing myself to see one more attractive blue iris on him. I imagined the way his eyelashes would look like compared to the ones on the right side, his black pupil and another blue eyebrow. And above all, I imagined his two eyes crying together, forming gloomy tears which would slide across his cheeks, possibly reaching the ground. I imagined how beautiful that synchronised crying would be, especially if caused by me or my charming sister. I imagined that part of Will's body which I had never seen, along with all the others. I imagined his weeping again.

Nonetheless, I couldn't see any of the things I imagined. William had an enormous hole coloured like the darkness on his face, just like the dead from horror movies. That pit on his skin, for some strange reason, matched his uncovered eye. And it appealed to me. The ghoulish attracted me. The lugubrious called my attention. The mournful teased me. William was a small piece of death. His skin, the more it was deceased, the more it was intriguing. His legs, the weaker they were, they were more irresistible. His arms, the more they were incapable of moving, the more they were perfect. And his face, the more damaged it was, the more it was seductive.

I observed his eye and his breach with great excitement. How did that happen to him?

Suddenly, I felt like a riot had just started inside my brain. I heard loud voices that seemed to be arguing. I knew it was because of the vision and trusted my instincts. I closed my eyes, and when I opened them again, it was just like I hadn't: I couldn't see a thing. William wasn't in front of me anymore, and I couldn't feel the floor under my feet. All I could touch was the eyepatch that I was holding. And then the riot stopped.

I felt some droplets of water touch my head. Oh no, it couldn't rain now! I ran back inside the bakery and asked the woman if she had an umbrella I could borrow.

– Surely, my dear – she said, grabbing her purse and handing me a dark blue umbrella. – You can give it back tomorrow, but go home quickly! If it gets stronger, it won't be able to protect your cake! You chose a nice one!

I smiled at her. Like I always did.

– Thank you so much, Mrs. Rosalye!

– You can call me Rosa, polite little boy – she squeezed my cheeks. – Now leave, be careful.

"I will!" I shouted as I left through the front door. I held my birthday cake close to my chest and started my path to walk home. The August weather in London was always very unexpected, I just hoped it wouldn't rain on the next day, because that would ruin mine and Mabel's party.

Or maybe it wouldn't. My mum always said the rain was fun. She was always a fan of water.

I went towards the direction I would always take, the short two streets that led to my house. There weren't many people on the streets, and there certainly weren't many cars. I could happily walk in the middle of the road with no problem, except, of course, the fear of getting the cake wet. But this memory, it wasn't a happy memory about a happy boy buying a happy cake. That was when it happened suddenly.

My head hurt. It was more than just a headache, I felt like my brain was being pressed down, as if there was a heavy force on top of it. I didn't know what it was, and tried to keep walking... I wanted help but there was no one out. I was alone. And I had to take the cake home, I had to.

I had to save our birthday party. My head hurt more and more. I wanted to  _cry_. I wanted to cry for mum and dad. No one would be able to come.

And if I kept walking in this direction, neither would I.

That was when I saw it. I saw myself. Falling. Being hit. Bleeding. Drowning.

I saw myself die.

I saw and could even feel my lungs not working. I could see myself desperate for air, failing to get it, the blue around me. In my head, mum called for me. She screamed my name, holding me in her arms. Lifeless me wouldn't answer her, and Mabel had her eyes covered by dad. Death. Blood. Water. A hint of colour in the air. Empty hearts, frozen brains, and I knew, for sure, that was not the last time I would experience that. I could see it more than once. I could see it.

I stood in the middle of the way, shocked. Brain pressing down, heart beating fast. I wanted to scream, get someone to help me. But I was just a kid. I dropped the cake, running desperately in the other direction, a way which would take me longer and longer to get home.

I ran. And I never stopped running. The rain got heavier and heavier, and I could still  _see_. "It hurts!" I yelled. "Stop showing me this!"

But it didn't. My head still felt free from my control. Something that had never happened before was happening now, and  _it hurt_. It hurt too much, and closing my eyes wouldn't help. I prayed for it to be a weird nightmare, but it was not.

What would happen soon, however, was.

There is a big gap in my memory. On that day, I felt like every second I was living was happening ahead of when it was supposed to. Everything was earlier, everything that was present for others was past for me. I could not control it. I could not pay attention. I could not stop hurting. I could not understand what Mabel was screaming about. I could not hear about the accident in the news.

But I could see it. And it  _hurt_.

It hurt way way way too much to see her like that.

_I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see._

_I don't want to see again, Will. Save me, I don't want this anymore._

_She didn't even say goodbye, why didn't she say goodbye._

_I wasn't even home for her to say goodbye. Why wasn't I home for her to say goodbye._

_The accident was too strong for her to survive. Why was the accident too strong for her to survive._

_If I had just gone in that direction, I would've been the one to go, not her._

_S h e     d i d n ' t_ _h a v e     t o     d i e ._

_S h e     w o u l d     b e     a l i v e ._

_I f     i t     w e r e n ' t     f o r     y o u._

I'm struggling. I'm struggling. I need help. I need help. I can't do this. I can't do this.

There was so much rain. There was so much fault.

_Why did you do that. Why did you see all that._

_I don't want to see. I don't want to see. I don't want to see._

_I don't want to see._

I didn't wake up again on that day. Mabel cancelled our show. Stanford heard about it. Will pretended like I had got a serious cold.

He could have woken me up. He could have used his powers on me. He could have abruptly stopped the curse.

But he decided to let me rest, not sure if I would ever open my eyes again. My heartbeat had stopped.


	9. 9. The Time Traveler's Chicken

Summer was always the best. Every day was super sunny, and it was no different in Gravity Falls. The sun shined through the triangular window of the Mystery Shack every morning, waking both of us up. And on that day, the sun meant more than what it usually did. The sun on that day meant the start of the Gravity Falls Festival Day. The happiest day in town!

Back away, boys. It's my turn to tell the story.

I woke up before Gideon and ran downstairs to get started on the amazing day I was going to have. The stairs in that place were beautiful, all made of beautiful materials...! The walls were beautiful too. The Mystery Shack was inexplicably incredible for a house made simply of wood in the middle of the forest. Every day felt like living in a nice house from childhood stories, or from one of the weird cartoon shows we used to watch as kids. Being so far away from the boring building I lived in back in California, was the best. I loved Gravity Falls so much.

Melody didn't go to work on that day. It was a holiday, apparently. I loved how quirky Gravity Falls was, and how they were so small they had their own holidays and festivals. I wondered what being there every day would be like.

– Mel! – I called out to her, who was, along her tired eyes, walking around the kitchen looking for something to eat. – Is Gravity Falls this nice all year round?

She smiled, sitting next to me on the table.

– I believe you'd like it here, dear – she replied, smiling. – I mean, you do like everything.

That wasn't the first time I heard that. I agreed.

– I think you'd really love the Woodstick Festival – it sounds like something I would really love. – It's mostly for teenagers, full of music and love...

– I do like music and love! – I wished I could go to the festival when it came around, but I wasn't sure of when it happened. – You are all full of strange holidays, why is that?

– Hm... I don't know. But Gideon's uncle might have something to do with this – she smiled, mysteriously. Oh  _Gosh_ , that didn't sound like she "didn't know". I hoped I could meet Jesus Ramirez someday, or as they called him, Soos Ramirez. Too bad he was super busy doing... something?

I suspected something. Melody was so fancy and so... married. I wanted to ask her more and more and more.

– You don't... know? – I silently laughed.

She smiled very wide.

– Some things are better unexplained, dear.

"Unexplained". That reminded me of Gideon so much. Maybe Soos was exactly like him? Maybe they were both this mysterious type of guy, all focused on their own heads. Gosh, that was great to think about.

Gideon didn't take much longer to come downstairs. Melody and I had already finished eating, and she was reading the newspaper just like my mum did. He walked into the kitchen, eyes super red, hair super messy. I shot him a smile.

– Heeeeey, good morniiiing – he could barely open his eyes to look at me. He just shook his head in my direction, going straight to the fridge. – Tired from the party still?

He nodded.

– Yeah? It was harder to sleep than I thought it would be – he replied, grabbing a carton of milk and sitting next to us on the round table. Oh, how I loved my sweet best friend, always so tired and lost in reality.

– Hard, yeah? Were you up thinking about... you knooow – he glared at me with the angriest expression I had ever seen, and I lowered my voice – Heeeer?

– Pacifica, shut up! – he replied, visibly embarrassed. Whoops.

– Come ooon, Melody didn't even hear it!

– I did hear it – she spoke. Hehe. – You know, maybe it's better if I leave you kids alone, see you at the festival.

She stood up, smiling, and pinching Gideon's cheek before she left. His face was very red, seems like I made him feel bad.

– Can you not?

– I can't can not! Gideon, you  _kissed_ someone yesterday, how cute is that? She was really pretty!

– It's not "cute", Pacifica, I just did it because I was bored and the party sucked – wow, what a bad guy. – And she was the worst, she wasn't even nice to me.

The love life of Gideon Pines... what would be of it without me to help?

– But you don't regret it, do you?

– I mean, should I? – he asked. – Sure, she was terrible, it does seem "wasted". But is the first kiss supposed to be with someone special or is that too dumb? Shouldn't I be thankful that the first time I had one was with someone awful, so it doesn't matter if I did a good job or not? Shouldn't it work like that?

Gideon... The prince of overthinking... the prince of dumb smart boys... How I loved him.

– You guys and the thought of "was I good?", can you get out of your head just for once and let your heart feel things? – he stared at me, eyebrow up. – Does it matter if you "did a good job" or not? It's a kiss! It's a love thing! It's something special already, love affections shouldn't be something worth measuring, 'cause once it's measured, it loses its value.

It was true, but I wasn't expecting Gideon to understand. He was too much of a Gideon to understand. Head always full, heart always empty, he never even allowed himself to feel anything, probably thinking it would be weak of him or something. I wished he would open up a bit more. Or maybe let his heart lead. Feel something for someone, some place, whatever...

I wished he would understand that hiding was the real weakness.

– Are you still going on that dumb date thing? – he asked after a while. Yes, of course??? What even  _was_ that question?

– Oh, Gideon – I replied, smiling at him (as usual). He still stared at me emotionless (that's how he is). – Are you coming with us? Dipper said you can!

– I know, you told me that last night – he sighed. – I'm coming, but it's not because of Mabel. It's to keep my eyes on you.

Wow, what? Pff, Gideon was so weird. He was the best.

– Are you really jealous of me and Dipper? – I asked, touching his nose. He carefully pushed my hand away. – He's not gonna "steal me" from you,  _you're_  my best friend!

– I know, Pacifica – he replied, mysterious as always (???). – But we barely know this guy, we have no idea what he's capable of or what he wants with you.

I didn't understand what Gideon could be scared of. What could Dipper possibly do to me, in an open festival crowded with people who know who he is? Sure, boys  _are_ unexpected, but he couldn't possibly let me down. Not him, I could feel it.

But Gideon was a boy too. So I understood his worries. He knew Dipper was bigger and stronger than me, than both of us, and that if he did turn out to be a big jerk – which he wouldn't – there was not much we could do to stop him. It was nice having a friend to care for me, especially in that beautiful town that was completely new in my life.

So maybe it was okay to allow Gideon to be jealous. And to let him keep his eyes on me and Dipper, at least just for one day. I did want him to focus on Mabel too, of course. But maybe I should let him take one step at a time.

If it would be better for his dumb logical brain to take care of my situation before anything else, then be it. I only wanted the best for his dumb logical heart.

We left about an hour later. Dipper texted me the place and the exact time when we should arrive, and we did. His texting ways were... strange? His slow and enigmatic tone was almost audible through his messages. Talking to him on the phone felt exactly like talking to him in real life, which had never happened with anyone else before. It was like magic. It was like he could be everywhere at once. It was like he knew exactly what to type at every single time. It was like Dipper was different. From everyone. From absolutely everyone.

There was no one else like him. No other boy had won my heart like that in less than a day.

Well... no other boy had won my heart like that in less than a day AND not let me down in less than a week.

We arrived at the place. I had no idea what the festival was about and I didn't care. I only cared about one thing, and that was Dipper. Where was he? Where could he be? Would he arrive alone? Would Mabel come with him? Would I have to greet him with a smile, a hug, a handshake? If Mabel came with him, would I have to greet him before her? Or would that make everything obvious? But wouldn't it be okay to make everything obvious? It's a date after all, he knew I was there for him and only him, that's how it worked.

And why was I so worried? Was Gideon's weird doubtful brain messing with me and making me think too much too? I had no idea, but unlike him, I didn't let my brain rule. I went back to feeling. I went back to feeling my stomach hurt more and more every time I thought about him. I went back to the purple feeling. I went back to the purple air surrounding my heart and the missing bit of breath whenever "love" was mentioned. I went back to ignoring my head. If you want to be happy, you should let your heart rule.

Gideon wouldn't stop talking, and I liked listening to him. I liked every single word that came out of his mouth, and I knew he was nervous. I knew why he couldn't stop talking, I knew his head couldn't stop thinking.

He thought I didn't understand him, but I did.

The people of Gravity Falls were super nice to us. They greeted us with smiles and nice presentations on that day. The festival was so extremely beautiful, I loved every part of its antique decoration and exquisite aura. All the outfits, all the animals, they were all part of that admirable celebration together. You could really feel the connection between the people, unlike everything I had ever experienced in California.

Maybe that was the real place for me. Maybe I wasn't born to be in a place with pretty but boring buildings for the rest of my life. Maybe I was born to live, grow and die somewhere cooler, like in Gravity Falls. And maybe  _he_ could help me stay there...

I saw him from afar. Oh God, oh God, my heart started racing even more. Had he seen me? Would he see me? Would I have to wave at him or something? Did my sweater look okay? Why did he look that handsome all the time?

He turned to where I was standing, elegantly smiling at me.

 _Then_ I became nervous.

– What do I do now, Gideon?! – I don't know why I asked that. Gideon was the  _last_ person who could help someone with a date. He just kept staring at Dipper, just like me, and I didn't pay attention to his expression.

But since he didn't seem to like Dipper that much, I assumed he looked angry.

– Hello –  _Dipper_ said. I smiled at him even more.  _Dipper_. – Mabel is around... she wants you to find her, Pines.

I stared at Gideon, who looked shocked and didn't stop staring at Dipper. Mabel wanted him to find her? Or did she want to be alone with him? Or did Dipper want  _me_ to be alone with him? Maybe both? I wasn't sure. I noticed that, with Dipper, you could never be sure.

– F - Find her? – he replied, but asked. It seemed as if he didn't trust Dipper, for some reason. I held his arm.

– That's fun! – I told him. He wouldn't take his big eyes off of Dipper. – I bet you can find her from the blue glitter her hair has!

It was a joke, of course. But her hair did look shiny. Mabel was really beautiful. Being the female version of Dipper, she couldn't look any less perfect. What a lucky family.

– But I... don't want to leave you two alone – he said. Dipper took my hand away from Gideon's arm, and held it tight.

I... I... I don't know what I did.

– Pines... – he said, I think. – Nothing can happen to a pair like us.

Maybe that was my head, I don't know. Maybe none of that happened. Maybe my heavy breathing from having Dipper Gleeful  _hold my hand_ is messing with this stupid narration. Why am I even doing this? It was a great date, it was one of the best days of my pithy life, I felt a lot of feelings and my heart beat a lot harder than usual. Do I have to say everything that happened? Who even is listening to me?

Dipper Gleeful  _held my hand_.

– We'll meet up soon, Pines – he was  _still_ speaking? How much had I missed? And he was  _still_ holding my hand? Even though he was staring AND speaking to Gideon? What had I done to deserve that whole super nice thing? Was I that good? Did I deserve that much happiness? I guess being all pure of heart did give me something back, and I loved it.

Gideon gave up after a while, I think? I saw him leave, I saw Dipper's  _stunning_ blue eyes turning to me, and I saw a lot of stars as well. I couldn't really control my breathing, but I'm  _pretty sure_ I still looked cute. I'm pretty sure Dipper could see the glitter on my face, and maybe even the funny earrings I was wearing. I couldn't read his mind but I could feel him. The mind part was all his job, and you know what? I didn't care.

At that point, I didn't care if he could see the "DIPPER DIPPER DIPPER DIPPER DIPPER" flying inside my brain. I was  _in loveeee_ , I didn't want to hide it. I wanted him to know it, I wanted him to be aware. And if he thought it was "weird of me" to feel like that on the first date? Then maybe he wasn't the one for me after all.

Then maybe he was like all the other boys.

– Ready to go? – hm, yes? No? I don't know? Go where? Is that what he uses to mean "ready to start the date"? Was Dipper really "abnormal" like Gideon said he was, or was he just fancy? Was abnormal even bad? Or was it fun to have a handsome boy who speaks like a hot vampire close to you? It was cute, very cute. I loved Dipper very much, and if he had read my mind already, and hadn't abandoned me, maybe that was it. Maybe he  _was_ the one.

– H - Hi! I forgot to say! – and he smiled a little more. His smile was... – and yes! Of course!

That was how our date started.

It had been a long time since I felt like I did. If Gideon had to narrate me, he would describe me as someone who really falls for everyone, but that's not true. I understood Gideon more than he thought he understood me, but I tried to never assume anything about him. But he didn't. He thought he was the centre of the world sometimes, which wasn't something bad, I guess! It was just... probably why he was so neurotic about everything... about Dipper... about me... And it hurt. Whenever he took me for a weak girl who fell for every guy. Whenever he described me or thought of me as a fragile girl whose whole personality was having a huge heart and falling in love with guys.

Gideon didn't think of me as a person. He loved me, I knew that! I was great at sensing love... But he thought of me as a supporting character in his whole opera show. I couldn't blame him, that was how his mind worked, how his thoughts flowed. There was nothing to be done about it. And there was  _no reason_  to do anything about it! Gideon's head focusing on himself, knowing him as the starring role to some strange long story, that didn't make him a bad person. Being self-centred wasn't something he could or had to help. It was hard for him to perceive me as a real person with real feelings and with real thoughts and a real mind. It was like... I was a character in his book. And I couldn't do anything about it. And I didn't mind that. It was okay.

I didn't want to be the main one. I just wanted to be happy. That was the goal of my narrative, of my character development.

But I had never felt that way before, it was true. Gideon would think that all love feels the same.  _But it doesn't_. Every single type of love is different, and feelings are just a long journey of "it depends". It depends. On the person. On the time. On the season. On the date. On the story. On the music. On the colour. On the duration. On the me. Everything worked towards the same pure goal: feeling. But none of that  _feeling_ was ever the same. It was always different, always variable. All thousands of variations of one sole purpose: filling up your beating heart.

And the way Dipper made me feel... the way my mind went up whenever he stared into my eyes... the way my hands trembled whenever he touched his hair... that was singular. It was  _only him_. And it's how it's supposed to be. Love is never the same. If it were, it wouldn't be so hard to anticipate it.

If love was always the same, there would be no reason for it to exist. We would be able to stop it before its dawn. But that isn't how it works. And we can't fight love. We can try. Many of us try. But none of us, I promise, none of us is capable of fighting against the biggest God: feeling. None of us will ever be able to stop love's consequences. We should just relax. And feel it. No matter how hard you try to fight. At one point you  _are_ going to relax and feel it. It happens to the best of us.

Meaning, it happens to everyone.

But what was the point of this narration? Explaining how Gideon was the main character? Explaining why love was the highest truth? No... I think it was about Dipper and me. And how Dipper was  _my main character_ on that day. He really did have that about him. The "hero" aura. Gideon did too, I think, but this is not a focus on him. This is about the other hero. Maybe they were both main characters? Always switching between who the narrative is focused on? Who knows... All I knew was, that day was perfect. I could not believe how many different sides of that boy I was seeing in just a short hour. Dipper was not only much better than I expected him to be, he was also  _much more_ than what he showed to be. He was like that book with an incredible synopsis, and an  _even more_  incredible storyline. Full of surprises, of ways to enhance perfection.  _That_ was why you could never tell with him. You could never expect anything. It was always different, just like love.

And I wondered if the ending of his book would be even more incredible than the whole storyline.

I thought so. I smiled at him.

He smiled back.

I blinked my eyes. He blinked his.

Blinking didn't feel natural on that day. It was more meaningful. That was how my heart was making me feel.  _Full_ , I thought,  _I'm completely full of feeling_.

I hoped he was reading my mind. Was that how it worked? Could he choose when to do it? Did it hurt him? Did he like it? Was magic all that incredible or was it... boring? Could he read all these questions in my head?

No, Pacifica, stop thinking. Relax and feel. Always.

– Does that taste good? – we were both sitting on a small chair... somewhere? in the festival? It was easy to get lost in that old town, I wondered if Gideon had found Mabel yet.

Dipper took another sip of that... very orange drink I bought. His expression was undecipherable. I think he was smiling?

He took one last small sip.

– Hm... – he started, looking down on the glass and probably hoping that was a real beverage. – No?

– Yeah, right? It sucks! – I laughed. He laughed together with me, perfect lips and perfect teeth. Not all perfectly lined up, but all matching his beautiful face. He always looked down when he laughed, at least on that day. He was  _exactly_ like a movie character. His speaking, his acting, he was all I had ever dreamt of. Was he real? Could he be real? Better yet... was he  _possible_? He didn't seem possible... none of that seemed possible. Was that reality? And again, did I  _really_ deserve all that? Did I deserve that charming good guy spending time with me and only me? What was the catch? Was there a catch? Would there need to be a catch? Couldn't I also relax and feel about that? Did I have to  _suddenly_ let my head have a say in this?

Probably not, so I made it shut up.  _The heart is the leader_ , I thought.

Dipper handed me my glass back, still smiling, and I put it down next to me. I wondered what he was thinking. I wondered  _if_  he was thinking. Was he a head guy like Gideon was? Or was he a heart guy like me? I was excited to find out. I was excited for all the mystery that was yet to come, for all I would find out about him. I was excited for him. In general, he excited me. The thought of him, just existing, that meant a lot to me.

And speaking of that, I thought I would ask.

– Hey, Dipper! – the way he reacted to his name was inexplicably interesting. – About your birthmark...

He smiled once again.

– Oh, this one? – he held his hair up, to make the beautiful marks more visible to me. – Yeah, the Big Dipper.

– You got your nickname from that, right? – he nodded. – Does Mabel have one too?

He shook his head no. Aw, it would've been cool if she did.

– It's just a "me" thing – he said, and made it seem as if he had said that before. I could sense it wasn't his first time saying that. – Do you like it?

No, Dipper, I love it. Please read my mind, please read my mind.

– Yeah! – I replied, smiling wider and wider. – Hey, if it's not too invasive... do you think that your powers... they come from...

– From this? No, definitely not.

– No, not exactly this! But like... from the stars? From the actual constellation? – he stared at me, no clear expression. – Couldn't that be a warning to the world, to let it know that your soul is now here, and that it's a special one? Couldn't it just be a sign that something great lies in front of you?

He looked down. I could see a smile within his aura, but I wasn't sure he smiled? He stared back at me, and it was definitely a small but sweet smile. I hoped my face made my feelings obvious. With every second that passed, I  _hoped_ he knew, I  _hoped_ he noticed. He had to!

– Do you believe in souls, Pacifica?

I had to think. Did I? I don't know, I believed in everything. Everything was real and unreal at the same time, I couldn't doubt anything. No one should doubt anything! Death and life, life and death, they were both the same. Everything was the same! All was lined up with one reason. And we didn't know what that reason was, but I hoped it included feeling. It had to.

So I don't know if I believed in souls? I knew something was real. I knew all was real. I knew that, at that moment, I was real. And Dipper was real. And the question he had asked, that was also very real. And my answer, no matter what it was, should be very real as well.

– I don't know, do you? – my whole point that day was hoping Dipper was reading my mind. So I didn't need to explain all my points of view. I was never good at that anyway. Bad at expressing, better at feeling. He nodded. Yes, he did believe in souls. Hm.

– Yes. I don't think I've ever told anyone this, Pacifica, but I do – wow. Okay. – Everyone always expects me to be the rational think guy who only believes in what he can see, but they're the ones not making any logical sense.

So he  _was_ a head guy like Gideon. Well... I attracted those kinds of boys into my life, apparently. I wished he would talk more, explain more, he seemed to be good with words...

– Logic is pretty important to me... maybe more than anything else – hmm... – And I keep hearing that? I keep being told: Mason, you are this. If you say you are this, you are this. You cannot contradict yourself, but they're the ones contradicting themselves, okay? They're the ones who  _assume_ what they want from what I say and show, and they don't even try to put a little bit of logic into their thinking, and it's... so frustrating?

He sounded  _just_ like Gideon. I wanted to help. I was happy he was opening up for me, even if he was being as mysterious as always and only making me confused. I wished I could understand him better, I wish I could empathise with the whole head before heart thing, but I couldn't. All I could do was listen to him.

And who were "they"? Did he mean someone specific?

– I'm not sure I'm following.

– Yeah, didn't think you would – I knew what he meant by that. And he confirmed it – You seem to be much more of a feeling type of girl. That's interesting, wish I could escape my head sometimes.

I felt Dipper didn't have much control over his speaking on that day. I wondered if he was sick, he did look sick. He had cancelled his show for the first time ever, after all... I hoped he wouldn't say anything he would later regret, because from the feeling I was getting, he wasn't exactly in control. Which was unusual for him.

Something had definitely changed from the last time we had seen each other.

– I'm  _magic_ , Pacifica. Isn't that a good reason for me to believe in souls?

– I guess being magical does prove that you don't need to see something to believe in it.

– Exactly. Do you know how many times I have doubted my future vision, thinking I could just be pretending to have it, and not really seeing anything real? – I shook my head no. – Yeah, none. I have always known. I never  _once_ thought it could be untrue. Never.

He was perfect. In all forms of human imperfection, he was  _perfect_.

– I could always read logic, Pacifica – the way he said my name was inexplicably interesting. – I was always this big machine with no doubts about anything. I can see ahead, even without the help from my future vision. And I  _know_ , I am  _sure_ , that souls are a thing.

He sounded hopeful. Or better, he really did sound sure! He sounded as if he had heard from God himself, from whatever was real themselves, that souls were real. He sounded... exactly like he felt. He felt hopeful, he  _felt_ sure. And I wanted to know more about it. I wanted to  _see_.

– The dead, Pacifica. They're here. Somewhere. They can see us.

Could they? I wasn't sure. I was there, selfishly being glad he had the tendency to use my name in every sentence...

– They're not letting us go, Pacifica. All of them, are here with us.

I thought that was a sad way to exist. Being there, stuck. Maybe if you had something to be stuck to, that wouldn't be so bad? I had no idea. Relax and feel. Relax and feel.

– So you believe in life after death?

He didn't reply. He stared at his left, breaking eye contact. He should relax and feel, I thought. But I could not control him. Just as I could not control Gideon. They were there, being the common narrators with their logic and reason. I was there to support them, to give them plot. To give them a spotlight.

And I couldn't change how Dipper's mind worked. And he couldn't change how my heart worked.

But he could change how it felt.  _That_ he could do.

– Back to my birthmark, Pacifica – he didn't look back into my eyes, he looked down and pulled his hair back once again. And only then, he tried staring at me. I paid close attention to what he would say. – Well, here's something... the Big Dipper is not really a constellation, as many people think. It is actually a small part of a really big constellation, named the Ursa Major. We call those fractions of constellations "asterisms". So the Big Dipper is one of those. Do you know what that means?

I was not only interested in the fun fact, but also in  _what it meant_.

– It means I may not be all. But I'm something. And I'm part of something great.

– Would that something great be... magic?

– Maybe even more – I was intrigued. – The Big Dipper is  _not_ the whole thing, but its stars  _are_ the brightest of the whole constellation.

He was bright. He was the brightest. And I could feel it, he  _knew_  he was the brightest. I wondered if Mabel was the other part of the Ursa Major, which, in its whole, was "The Gleeful Twins". I wondered if she knew that Dipper's stars burned brighter than hers. I wondered what she felt. I wondered if she felt like a supporting character, being there to accompany a strong male character who would be the one to gain everything. I wondered how okay she would be with knowing all that.

I wondered about her. What did Mabel feel?


	10. 10. Fight Fighters

What do you wonder? You wonder what I feel? I wonder what I feel too.

It wasn't easy. Being the only woman in Gleeful Household was more stressful than being a woman in general was. Living with Dipper Gleeful was stress enough, I suppose. And having to stand his foolish arguing with Stanford and flirting with William... made everything a lot worse. Siblings, right? Can't live with them, can't live without them.

But Dipper was there. Always making everything be about him somehow. We choose to sing, he wants to be the main voice. We go out, he wants to choose where we go. We create a professional presentation that pays every single thing in our lives? He decides to  _die for some hours_ like it's no big deal. Maybe I could live without him after all?? Maybe it would be easier??

He decided to go to the festival. For some reason. He decided to  _skip_ our Saturday choreography practice to go to some trivial festival our irrelevant town was holding. I had no idea why he was like that.  _Why_ he cared so little. Why he  _never_ took our show seriously, even if it felt like the last string of hope holding us together. Maybe he did all that to make me mad? To mess with me? It made me so  _angry_ how he made choices that would not only hurt him, but also me. I wished he would just shut up and let me lead, let me SCREAM at him what the right thing to do is. I wished he understood how angry he was making everyone and how much  _better_ my life would be if he just stood back. How much I would have achieved if I never depended on him. If he never existed.

Dipper stole so much from me. And I wish he understood that he wasn't as smart as he thought he was. All he was capable of was destroying himself and others.

But I couldn't be less bothered about him destroying himself. But not our show. Never our show.

Never.

The real twist of this story? I decided to go to the festival too. He told me the chosen ones would be there and... it could be interesting? I didn't know  _what the hell_ Dipper's intentions with the two of them were but I would  _love_ to not know. The less you know about Dipper the better.

But not knowing about him? Not knowing about Dipper Gleeful is hard. Vecause he's so simple and easy to crack... He's so... uncomplicated. There's no way to not know  _everything_ about him and his plans. Or maybe I was smart enough to understand him. Because yes, smart was something I never doubted I was.

So I asked Stanford if I could go. He said yes. He always said yes to me.

– Feeling better?

– Do you care?

That. That was why Stanford always said yes  _to me_. And not to him.

– My little brother's heart stopped beating and my  _demon butler_ wasn't sure if he would wake up ever again – he rolled his eyes, not ever turning to face me when I spoke to him. – I'm not stupid enough to believe it was a "cold".

– Do not call me little brother.

– Well, that's what you are – he was staring at himself in the mirror and adjusting his dumb tie with his amulet on it. – You and William always get in trouble whenever you're left alone.

Ugh, boys.

– I will not deny that – he smiled the  _most annoying_ smile. It was like he  _knew_ how to make me mad. It was like he knew  _exactly_ how to be the worst.

We left early for the festival. I never had trouble getting up early, and neither did Dipper. We liked morning yoga since we were kids, even though Dipper always got mad at me for being more flexible than him or something? So it was natural for us.

He messaged the chosen one for the exact location and time when we'd meet. He was always like that. I wouldn't even say organised, I would say  _completely obsessed_. He wouldn't partake in any plan that didn't include total order, in neurotic levels. That one personality trait of my brother surprisingly didn't annoy me? Maybe I was used to it? Mother was exactly like that, so maybe that was why. Always seeing ahead, planning ahead. Quite literally. She and Dipper were really similar in that sense... I wondered if Dipper knew that... Probably not...

And I wonder if it bothered him. If it got in his way...

I wonder if anything got in his way...

We arrived exactly at 8 am. I was... excited? For the most part I tried to be a very excited person, I guess.

Finally. I can speak about myself...

I didn't have many plans for the future. I always focused more on the present, like a smart person should do. I did know that the Tent of Telepathy had great capacity. And it would have even  _more_ capacity if I could be the only one leading it. So I wasn't sure whether that was going to be in my future or not.

But I knew what I liked doing. I knew what I was good at. And I trusted it.

If anything happened to the Gleeful show in the Tent of Telepathy, I would still hold my talent, my intelligence, and my dedication. And I  _would_ do something better. There was  _nothing_ to worry about.

I liked fun. And I liked work. Work was fun. Work was always fun. Not working was not fun. Not thinking of work was not fun. Fun was fun. I was fun. I liked fun. Living where I did was not fun. Being what I was was fun. Being with who I was with was not fun.

That day would be fun. Dipper was still too "dead" to use his fortune telling  _and_ his mind reading, but I knew it would be fun. I knew everything.

He told me we would have to spend the whole day with the chosen ones. I asked why. I was  _clearly_  interested in Gideon, so his presence would not be a bother. But  _her_? She was weird, her hair was too blonde, her name sounded weird. She was probably an idiot. She sounded like one. Dipper didn't reply. He never replied. He always thought he was the only important person in the entire world. He always thought other people were just a waste of space. So he always kept every stupid plan to himself, and that's probably why he failed most of them. What was up with him?

Didn't he also think she was an idiot? Was he planning on killing them or something?? Because oh no, he would  _not_ kill Gideon.

– Is this a joke? – he turned to me, about ten metres away from the entrance of the festival. His eye bags were incredibly present. He  _looked_ dead.

– Is what a joke?

– This. All of this – he was playing so dumb. Or maybe he  _was_ dumb. – When I said Gideon would be my next boyfriend, you kept going about how I would kill him "like all the others"... and after our show... he disappeared. Did you not have anything to do with that?

I crossed my arms and stopped walking behind him. He stopped too, grunting.

– I did, you know that – and he smiled and got close to my face, being disgusting as always... – What do you think I'm going to do? Kill him?

I forced the angriest and most bitter expression I could manage to do. He smiled even more at it...

– Maybe out of fear, maybe... – what did he even  _mean_ with that? Dipper wasn't scary, he was dumb. – But why would I waste time on killing someone like  _him_?

What was he trying to achieve with that? Dipper would waste time killing  _anyone_. He was  _so_ stupid and sure of his own plans that it did not  _matter_  to him who he killed or what method he used to kill them. He just... decided things on his own.

I wasn't like that, I wouldn't waste my blades on just anyone... I always chose who to kill. And unlike him, I always  _knew_ who to kill. I didn't need his stupid future vision to see who I should stab. I just knew. I was smart. I am smart. I'll always be smart. I'll always know who to kill.

And he didn't, so what was he trying to say?

– I'm not going to waste time answering that – I responded. He held my arm softly and smiled, completely sarcastically. – Why do you want to see him then?

He thought. And he hesitated. I wasn't expecting Dipper to be like his usual self on that day. He had just been brought back to life, somehow, by William. He was just more stupid than usual on that day. And I had to come to terms with that.

– I'm here, Mabel – he smiled cynically and lowered his volume. – For Pacifica.

He laughed. I didn't join him.  _What_? Why Pacifica? What was he  _planning_?

What did he want with her?? And what did she want with him??

– For Pacifica? – I questioned. He nodded, continuing to walk. – Well, if you're here for her, and definitely  _not him_...

He chuckled.

– Let me have him. For the rest of the day – I proposed. Dipper stopped walking again, turning to face me. It wouldn't be bad to spend a day alone with Gideon... hm...

I didn't know if he would say yes. His usual self would laugh at me, make fun of my idea. But reborn Dipper was even worse, he just accepted quickly?

– Okay – he said, probably a million ideas coming to his mind, like usually. Or maybe not – You and him. Me and her. Rest of the day.

– We can meet up in the end – I completed. – The four of us.

"Excellent" he said. Reborn Dipper sounded annoying. And looking like he hadn't slept in days wasn't helping me find him less irritating.

I didn't know what Dipper had done with William. I usually found out everything that happened between the two of them – because it was stupidly obvious – but nothing, nothing I could think of, could explain  _why_ and  _how_ Dipper's body had just  _shut down_  in the middle of a normal day, about ten minutes after I talked with him  _normally_. He wasn't even unhealthy.

That boy and his bothersome mysteries. I would find out what was going on. I knew I would.

– Tell Gideon to find me.

My brother nodded, continuing the path that would lead him to the chosen ones. I turned away, looking for a place to go through my knowledge of every single location in that town. I wondered what Gideon's home land looked like. And if he had always lived there. And what he did in his normal days. And if he would ever consider staying here. Forever.

It didn't take long for him to arrive. Not surprisingly, he apparently didn't hesitate to leave Dipper behind and come search for me. I arranged my tie, brushed my hair with my hands, and hid behind a wooden door.

– Gideooon – my heart wanted to say. But I didn't. I had a little surprise for him, and calling his name would ruin it. I looked behind the wood and saw him, confused, looking around. He probably had no idea where he was, but with Gideon, you could never tell. He always looked so... smart. His eyes seemed tired  _and_ lost at the exact same time, and that was part of why he was  _so_ appealing. His blue eyes, although less striking than mine and Dipper's, were  _so_ attractive. His round face, soft lips, small nose, they all worked towards the sense of  _perfect_ I got from him. Dipper liked to compliment himself on his high cheekbones and "flawless bone structure", but Gideon was more enticing. Gideon was more. Gideon was... indeed... flawless.

I saw him grab onto his cap, like he was afraid of something. Maybe he didn't like being surrounded by people... so adorable... or maybe he needed me to find him before he could find me. Maybe all that fear was just him playing pretend. Maybe he  _wanted_  me to notice, maybe he knew I was looking. Maybe he was as smart as me. Or... almost as smart as me. Maybe he wanted to be found.

And just as I read somewhere... if he wants to be find, he will find you. Gideon saw me posing against the wooden door, and I immediately waved at him, slowly and casually. He seemed happy to see me, although he did not smile. He raced towards where I was, running from the hundreds of people around him, with no clear expression on his face. But I knew, I just knew, he was  _delighted_ to be with me.

I knew it. There was no other way. That was it. Meant to be. I could feel it.

I  _knew_ it. And I was always right.

– Hey, Mabel – he said... his voice as sweet as the first time we spoke... – C - Can I call you that?

My heart almost jumped out of my mouth. He was... surely... perfect... and so sweet... and so polite... and so not evil...

I calmed myself down. That was something I could do.

– Of course, Gideon – I smiled at him, and he smiled back, running his hands through his hair underneath his cap. His smile was so... – Can  _I_  call you that?

He let out a small laugh, looking down as if he wanted to hide his glee. I laughed too, hoping that would make him less nervous than he was. "It's the only name I have" he said. Perfect...

I got out of where I was, guiding Gideon through the oceans of people. I dodged everyone who tried to take pictures or ask for my autograph, with a nice smile and a soft pull of Gideon's hand, so he would follow me. I was sure he was enjoying it, escaping from people like that. I felt like I was learning a bit about him every second we spent together...

I wanted to ask him. What he thought of me. What he thought of Dipper. What he thought of himself. What he thought of us. If he thought of me. If he loved me. If he  _thought_  of loving me. It wasn't too early, was it? Is there a "too early" in love? When one of us died, wouldn't the other long for the moment we spent together, wishing they could have a day or even five seconds more? So why not start early? Why not enjoy before it's over?  _Why_ wait? That was not how logic was supposed to work. Why not anticipate it? Why did I have to wait to tell him I loved him? Why couldn't I just know I loved him on the first date? Who was stopping me? Who was stopping my heart?

Maybe Dipper was. Maybe father was. Maybe both of them had been made to destroy my life. I can't blame mother. I think. But if father hadn't left. Maybe then. I would know even more. About how to love. And I would know how other loved.

If that  _bastard_ hadn't left us. If that useless man wasn't that selfish. If he had thought of his children any day of his pitiful life.

Maybe then. I would know what to say to Gideon. I would know what to ask him. But... I didn't... need to let them destroy me like that. Yes, it would have been easier if they hadn't existed, but... why not enjoy what I have? I'm incredibly smart and have built up such an incredible talent, why let it go to waste by thinking of the dumb men in my life? Why not focus on the new men and reinforce that... I am smart. I'll always be. And I'm smart enough to know that everything would have been better. Had they not done all they did. To me.

Calm yourself, Mabel. They will pay someday. They will. All of them will. Do not ever worry.

– Gideon.

I stopped walking. My head was suddenly angry again. Angry at those men. I couldn't be angry in front of him, I didn't want to see him afraid. So I calmed myself down.

– What's he like? Your father?

Gideon let go of my hand, walking a little bit so he wouldn't be behind me anymore. He faced the floor for some reason. And he spoke.

– Erm, he's like... – he hesitated, as if he wasn't sure what to say. I wondered why. – I don't know how to explain, my dad's complicated.

Fathers. Complicated.

– Complicated how? – I allowed myself to ask. He surely wouldn't be bothered.

– I don't know how to explain it, sorry – his cheeks went pink, and his entire face frowned together with his eyebrows. Gideon worked in such an... extraordinary way. He was so normal. But so different. I definitely wanted him in my life.

I definitely loved him.

– He works. He doesn't spend much time around me. I think that's all.

I felt like he was hiding something from me. I didn't want him to feel uncomfortable, so I asked if he felt like that.

– Are you uncomfortable? – I spoke. – Talking about your father?

– Yeah, I guess, kinda – he admitted. I think it's... weird that you asked that, it's strange to say that to someone I just met, no offense!

He got flustered. We just met, my little Gideon, but our souls have known each other for ages! I wanted him to know. I wanted him to be absolutely sure that he could count on me for anything. And that I was always there for him. And that I loved him.

– You know you can tell me anything, right? – I walked one step towards him, seeing his face become slightly more pink. He was happy for sure. Happy and a bit embarrassed. He probably loved me. Hell, he  _would_ love me soon! There was no way I was wrong. There was no way he wouldn't! – About your father, about you, anything.

He let out a small laugh, I'm not sure what it meant. I just smiled wider and hoped he would widen his smile too. But he wasn't really looking at me. He was acting all adorably, slightly not sure what to do or say.

I wanted him to be okay. I knew he was okay! If he wasn't, then I knew he would be okay! I would  _not_ allow him to not be okay.

I would protect him from the world. If anyone wanted to hurt a hair on Gideon Pines' beautiful hair, I would  _destroy_ them.

He smiled. "Thanks, Mabel" he said. "No problem!" I replied. "I'm not sure what to say" he said. "Neither am I" I replied. It followed like this. We walked together. He walked besides me. I smiled at him. He smiled at me. I had so much to say, so much to ask.

But I... couldn't? Why couldn't I ask him anything? Why was my body pulling me back from being honest with him? Is this how it was supposed to be? Was that natural? Was  _I_ natural? Were  _we_ natural? What was normal? What wasn't? Love, what was it like? Have I ever loved? Is he the first love? Is he the  _one_ love? Did I ever feel like this? Would I ever feel it again? How did  _he_ feel? The same, of course, but how was  _I_ supposed to feel? How was I supposed to feel about feeling? Was feeling the best of feelings? Was feeling even... worth being felt?

What... What moved the world? Feeling was what the  _universe_ depended on? Feeling was what everything worked towards?

Is that how I was supposed to think? Is that how the women in this narrative were supposed to feel? Is that how we were written to feel... about feeling?

I do not know feeling. I know knowledge. It's all I've ever known. I know that I know. But I  _know_ what I don't know. And that. What I didn't know. Was also. Knowing.

And that is why I do not know what I feel. So you can't know either.

What was this? What was this explanation? Could I not have my one in a twenty chance to have my own moment? Back to the date.

– Would you ever... take part... in the Gleeful show, Gideon?

He stopped for a moment. For the first time on that day, I saw true fear in his eyes. His mouth trembled for a second, and I could swear I felt the cold coming from his skin.

He probably had stage fright! So sweet...

– W - What? – he asked. – D - Do you... and Dipper...

Do Dipper and I  _what_. Why did  _Dipper_ have to come into the conversation again.  _W h a t_ had he done, shown or said to Gideon that would make him  _flinch_ at the thought of the Gleeful show?  _What else_ was he trying to ruin?

– Dipper? Did he... do anything?

He didn't answer. Gideon opened and closed his mouth several times. I knew what that was. That was the result of a million of contradicting thoughts flying inside his head at the exact same time. I  _knew_ what that felt like. Not knowing what to say because there are  _too many options_. And each of them would lead to a  _completely different_  plain of existence.

Knowing. All the results. From each choice you make. That is. The real deal. I did not need future vision. I  _never_ needed that superficial stupidity. It was  _useless_. And it didn't make sense. There was no way Dipper didn't absolutely hate it. Or maybe there was 'cause  _he was an idiot_. Ugh, if he had done anything to Gideon... he didn't need to be so jealous of me.

He didn't know what to say. Oh Gosh, he didn't know what to say?

– Are... Are you...

I wasn't sure what he was trying to express. I wasn't sure what I should do to help him. I just kept staring at him like there was no one around. I just kept letting him know, through my staring, that I was there for him. No matter what.

– M-Mabel, is... is your magic... real?

Is my magic real, is my magic real? Well, it was definitely real (?). What was he asking? Did he not believe in our magic? Did he not believe in magic at all? Was that all he was thinking of? Was there no other bizarre thing going through his mind, was that all he was scared of? Had Dipper not done something stupidly terrible to him? Was it just that?

Hm. Yes. It needs to be just that. It is just that. I  _know_  it. I'm sure. It's okay. And yes. My magic is definitely real.

Hm...

– Gideon Pines – my voice echoed. He didn't know how to react, I noticed. – Yes, it is real.

He closed his eyes for a second, and walked one step behind. I also noticed his hand going straight towards his cap. Again. He was nervous.

– And you... and Dipper...

– No – I interrupted. Dipper and I? The only questions about Dipper and I that I would answer "yes" to were "are you twins?" and "do you do the Gleeful show together?" Anything else was completely denied. Dipper and I  _didn't_  have anything except the show. None of our objectives were equal,  _none_. We were not made for the same universe, for sure? I wonder what Gideon would think of that. I hoped he knew how different my dumb brother was from me. I hoped he knew.

– No? – he silently asked.

– No – I replied. – Whatever the question is, the answer is no. I don't live the same life as my brother. I am not aware of what he does and he is not aware of what I do.

He remained silent. For a while.

– B - But – he started. He  _tried_ to speak, but it just didn't work. There was too much on his head. I know what it's like, my little Gideon, I know what it's like. – Sorry, Mabel. I don't know if I can say what I want to say.

He sounded as if he was going to  _cry_. I also noticed him looking around.  _What. Had Dipper. Done. To him._ I tilted my head to the right, and I wanted him to know. That he could tell me anything.

_Please, that was all I wanted him to know. I wanted him to trust me. I wanted him to know he could trust me. I wanted him to_ **_know_ ** _._

But he did not know. At least not at that time, not at that moment. I couldn't read minds, I didn't need that stupid ability Dipper had. But I could tell he did not know any of the things I wanted him to know.

Maybe knowing wasn't for everyone. Maybe he, just like Dipper, would have to stick to just thinking. And not knowing.

– It's okay.

I told him.

– It's okay.

It was okay.

He stared at me. Eyes as big and blue as the sky on that extraordinary summer day. And he said.

– Thank you, Mabel.

And I shook my head. I smiled at him. And shook my head yes. "No problem" I told him once more. There was no problem indeed. All was okay. He was there. I was there. Everything was fine. Just like I told him. It's okay.

I loved Gideon.

Oh how I loved Gideon.

I levitated him. I rose him so his head would be at the same level as mine. Gideon wasn't the tallest guy in Gravity Falls, for sure. He seemed scared, he tried to move but felt weird about the pressure of my magic, so he stopped trying. He stared at me and I could tell people around were staring too. Hey, just because a superstar is picking a boy up with her telekinetic superpowers, doesn't mean people can just stare!

But it was okay. All was. I wasn't even thinking about Dipper and the blonde anymore. All I could think of was him. And that. Everything that was happening. Everything that was  _okay._

– M - Mabel.

_Mabel._

– Your magic is real.

_Your magic is real._

– And it's incredible. And it doesn't hurt.

_And it's incredible. And it doesn't hurt._

– Being here, levitated by you.

_Being here, levitated by you._

– It doesn't hurt. But it scares me.

_It doesn't hurt. But it... scares me._

– And I am... not sure whether you know why... it scares me.

_And I am not sure whether you know..._

Dipper would pay. I always knew Dipper would pay. He just kept adding reasons for himself to pay. Like the idiot that he was.

– But I – he continued. – I feel like you connected with me somehow. And you know. I think.

He knew that I knew. And I knew that he knew that I knew. I just didn't know  _what Dipper had done_. And that drove me insane. Why was he saying all that.

– But if you... if you know...

I  _didn't_. I did not know why he was scared.

The aura of my magic around him kept spinning and spinning, going from navy blue to medium blue. And that was what my mind looked like. At that moment.

– If you know then please have mercy on me.

He said that. I heard it. He continued.

– Mabel, I'm supposed to be super brave and smart.

He kept saying.

– And I'm not being smart right now, because doing this might kill me. Saying all this might  _kill_  me.

 _Kill him?????_ What? Had Dipper? Said?

My mind spun and spun.

– But  _please_ , if you're not like him. Have mercy on me.

 _Of course, my little Gideon._ Why would I not have mercy on him? What disgusting creature would have the audacity to hurt someone like him? Someone so weak, so innocent. So loving... so perfect...

I am  _not_ like him. And if Dipper had done something to scare Gideon away, I  _would_ protect him. I would save him. I would hide all his secrets. And I would make Dipper regret it. I would.

How could he, the one who was supposed to love and work by my side, betray me like that? How could he cause that pure boy to be scared of me, because he feared I could be like the stupid boy who I was compared to by so many people.

Mother was wrong. For preferring Dipper. Mother must have been super stupid too. Maybe it's the magic.

I put Gideon down. The magic amulet on my headband stopped glowing, but it kept shining. He smiled, I could see his small smile. And I wanted to apologise. I always wanted to apologise. For something I had not done. It wasn't. The first time. And it probably wasn't. The last one either.

That bastard.

– Gideon. I am here for you.

I am always here for you, Gideon.  _Always_. Always here for you.

He teared up. I  _saw_ that small tear. Awn, my sweetie. Don't cry.

– Please – he started. – D - Don't tell him.

His voice almost didn't come out. Gideon was  _crying_. He had  _hiccups_ from crying so hard. The boy couldn't move, couldn't speak. He was  _opening that up_ for me,  _crying_.

I felt special. I felt like he thought I was special. I felt love. Even more love. I felt  _hate_ for Dipper.

I felt a lot at that moment. Maybe I was one for feeling as well...

Gideon suddenly hid his face on my shoulders, and I wrapped my arms around him.

And I swore I'd fight for him. I swore I'd protect him. I'd protect him from the monster.


	11. 11. Little Gideon

Walk around the room. One. Two. Three. Four. Now sit on your bed. Now look up. Now stand up again, walk around the room once more. One. Two. Three. Four. Five. Count again, try to calm down.

Try to ignore, try to  _forget_.

How could you forget though? How could you forget being so ridiculously dumb?

That's it, Gideon, you're dead. I wanted to stay hopeful but there's no way you're not super dead. Oh well, it was a good life, I guess. Pacifica was good. Books were good. School was kinda good. Yeah, some things were nice. You're too young to die but it happens. It happens a lot.

Okay, calm yourself, Gideon. You don't want to die just yet. You can relax before he kills you.

But yeah. It was over.

I didn't sleep. I don't think I knew what sleep was anymore. I think my head was just accepting death by now. And well, life ends, life ends for everybody. You didn't think you were going to be immortal, did you? Mabel messaged me but I couldn't force myself to look at my phone. Why had I even given her my number? Why did I believe she was actually trustworthy? Was she? Could she not be? Could someone related to Dipper Gleeful actually be a good person? Did she mean it? About protecting me from him? About not telling? About not being part of some cruel plan? Why did I tell her? Why did I feel like trusting her? I didn't even know her... I kept telling Pacifica about how we barely knew them, and yet, I did the same as she did.

I did  _the same_. I was as reckless and irrational as I accused her of being.

Just like her. Exactly like her. Ugh.

"Feel better?" the message said when I finally let it voice itself. Better? I feel like all my organs are fighting for which could tremble the most. How's that for better?

Mabel, you do seem sweet, but why. Why did I allow you to know. Why... now you know. And with you knowing... he might know that you know...

He was disgusting. But smart, I guess. He could find out. He could actually  _kill me_. It wasn't a joke. I could actually be killed.

And I. I told her. She killed that guy on stage too. She killed too.

_Mabel killed too, you idiot. She killed too. Of course it's a plan._

I hate myself.

"Yes" I replied, losing hope on my life. And yes, it was going to happen. I could feel it. I was ready for it.

I guess that was the main thing. Being ready. Death sounds scary because no one actually prepares for it. No one sets their mindset to "okay, we are going to die". Death is sudden. Death is something that happens. To someone, to anyone. At anytime. No one is ever ready for how or who it's going to be and that was the problem. If we could all know, somehow, maybe it would be easier. Maybe that one week before your death could be the best one of your whole life. You would be ready, you would be aware. Doesn't that solve the problem of death?

– Hey!

She smiled. Yeah. Maybe the thing about death was not being unprepared. But leaving people behind. Leaving unprepared people behind.

– You have NO IDEA what Clucks just found.

Pacifica. Maybe the reason I had been born. To protect her. To love her. To know her as the most amazing girl alive. Maybe that would make death complicated for me.

How would she feel? If I died, what would she think? Dying would suck for me, of course, but what about  _her_? She'd be the one left behind. She'd be the one without her best friend. She'd be the one to miss me.

Maybe  _that_ was the thing about death. Hurting others.

That was definitely the thing.

– What did it find?

– She's a  _she_ , Gideon. Please respect her pronouns.

I rolled my eyes, apologising. Was that her new obsession? A chicken?

– What did  _she_  find, Pacifica? – I asked again, respecting Clucks' (or whatever her name was?) pronouns.

– This! – she handed me the item her chicken had found. It was a pink crystal, of small size. I had no idea what it was, but it looked like a regular stone? What was Pacifica's imagination creating this time?

– A rock? – I questioned. She opened her eyes and mouth wide, as if I had just committed a crime. – What?

–  _How_ can you call Clucks' incredible finding "rock"? – she asked, again as if it was  _a crime_. – Gideon! Wake up!

I stood there, staring at her with my eyebrows raised. The chicken made a weird noise outside, and Pacifica turned to our window, saying "aw".

– Wake up to what? What are you saying?

– Gideon! This is the dumb smart thing Dipper lent me, remember? I showed you yesterday.

Oh, of course. I didn't remember but sure, of course. The man who would kill me, right. He handed you a weird stone that I could not call rock, as I was opening up about my trauma to The Man Who Would Kill Me's sister.  _Of course!_ How could I forget or completely compress that memory? How could I?

– He said I could spend some time with it, and then he would come here to get it back... and you know what that means...

I did not. I never knew anything that Pacifica said I knew what meant. I never knew anything Pacifica said. That was the truth. I don't know if Pacifica even knew what she knew. I asked.

– You really don't know anything about romance, do you? That was obviously an excuse to get a second date, dummy!

Second date? With him? It wasn't over? Oh no.

– He goes on a date with you, lets you borrow something... he says he'll meet you again to grab the thing back, boom, second date – and she smiled. As always, she beautifully smiled. – It's part of romancing, Gid.

Maybe romancing was not for me. So many rules... I wonder if Dipper had intended all that or if Pacifica was just making rules up. Wasn't she the one who said love didn't have rules? Or something about it not being measured... I don't know. She talks about things I don't understand quite often.

– So I lost the dumb smart thing in like, two seconds, hehe. But Clucks – and then she started screaming the next part –, AS THE BEAUTIFUL INTELLIGENT CHICKEN SHE IS, found it!

I covered my ears, and also laughed a bit. I forced it but at least I laughed. It's the thought that counts, is it not? Pacifica laughed back, probably truthfully.

– Sorry, I wanted her to hear me – she apologised. I nodded, saying it was fine and I knew that. – And now, as the best chicken mother that I am, I'm going to play with her. You keep doing your walking around the room.

– Play with her  _again_? – that was a thing she did  _a lot_. Maybe too much, even. – Pacifica, what are you gonna do when we go back? We're not here forever, you know.

She blinked, turning back to where I was. I didn't want to hurt her. I never did. But I wanted her to be more logical sometimes. And getting attached to an animal she would have to abandon didn't sound like the most logical idea...

– Duh – she said. – She's obviously coming with me, stupid.

She's... what?

– Pacifica – please. – Let's think about this. A chicken. In a bus. Going with you to Piedmont, California. In a building.

She smiled.

– Seems right!

    I didn't even know what to say. Maybe she would change her mind when I died. We would have to wait and see.

    – Pacifica, I don't want to be annoying. But please, summer doesn't last forever. You're going to have to leave her.

    She shook her head no.

    – Never. I am never leaving that chicken, you hear me.  _Never_.

    She left the bedroom after saying that with the deepest voice she could do. Ignoring problems, a very Pacifica move. Or maybe her head really thought it was possible for her to take the chicken home? Oh how aunt Melody would react after being told she'd have to take care of a chicken for us. How did Dipper even get her a chicken anyway? And why? Was there a camera in it or something dumb like that?

    I didn't care anymore. I was seriously ready. Nothing could scare me. I was convinced the end was near, not many things mattered anymore. I didn't care about what to eat, how many glasses of water to drink, how many showers to take. Being ready to die brought me one of the most relaxed days of my life. On that day, I knew nothing. I didn't know hunger. I didn't know sleep. I didn't know music, I didn't know future, and better, I didn't know  _fear_.

    But I would. Oh how I would.

    The doorbell rang. It was almost night, Melody wasn't home. Wendy was working. The shop was open. I walked towards the door.

     _Oh_ how the fear returned when I saw his blue eyes stare at me as I opened the back door. Oh how I felt it all come back.

    Yeah, she had warned me. I knew he was coming and it still scared me. Maybe knowing in advance didn't actually help. Maybe being unprepared or being absolutely prepared meant the same stupid result. Maybe. Maybe Dipper was Death. Maybe he was Death himself.

    And how was I sure that Death would be the one to show me death. How I knew.

    – Pines?

– D - D - Dipper?

I didn't want to sound stupid. I didn't want to die. I knew I would die but I didn't want to die. I didn't want Dipper to kill me, though I knew he would. I didn't want that, I wasn't asking for that. I didn't want to be scared of him. Not anymore. I didn't want to leave Pacifica behind, and I didn't want  _him_ to be left behind with her.

Maybe I wanted him to die? Maybe? But I was so ready. I was so prepared. To go.

And he was prepared to kill me. He and she, I knew it. I knew it.

– Hey, is Pacifica there? – he asked. What?

Yes, of course. He wouldn't kill me there, in my own house. Stupid me. He was a man of master plans. Probably. I guess. He wouldn't be dumb like that... would he?

 _Pacifica_ , he said the forbidden word.

– P - Pacifica? Yeah, she's here – I didn't move, and his face went from completely dull to slightly amused. He smiled. And how I  _hated_ that smile.

– Can I see her? – he asked politely, properly smiling... wide... like he was making fun of me... – Well, of course I can, let me see her.

– I'll call for her – and I just ran. I didn't know what to say, I didn't know what to reply. Dipper threatened me. In a way. And I. I ran. I ran for Pacifica. She was in our bedroom grabbing something to take to her chicken, probably. I called her name. – Pacifica!

– Hey!

What was I doing? Did I want him to see her? No! Of course not! Then why was I doing that? Why was I warning her that he was there? I'd die anyway, I could lie to them and it wouldn't make a difference, so why didn't I? Why did I have to be super dumb once again???

And did it even matter? It didn't, did it?

Pacifica got up, holding the chicken like it was a baby, somehow.

– What's the matter?

– The matter? – I asked, making sure that my face didn't show fear. Fear? What is that? What's fear? – There's no matter, it's all good, all great.

I did my best to force the strangest laugh I had ever done. Pacifica rose one eyebrow.

– Then... what is it? Why are you so sweaty?

– Puberty – I responded, regretting it in less than a second. – Erm, Dipper's here. He's... at the door.

She ignored how nervous and stupid I looked, and happily smiled.

– He is? – she did that one little jump she always did when excited. – Come on, Clucks, come see your dad!

– Dad? – I questioned, trying to cool down my head and following her down the stairs. – That's super weird, Pacifica.

– I know! – yeah, she knew. She knew she was weird.

We reached the first floor and Dipper was standing there. Arms crossed, expression terrifying as usual, blue clothes. Pacifica walked excitedly towards the door, and I didn't even know if I was supposed to be there anymore.

If Dipper really had romantic intentions with Pacifica, would that make me less likely to die? Or more? And would he be mad if I stayed there with them? Would he even stay there or would he just get his stone? What did he want? Was it all really to scare me away? For some dumb reason I didn't understand?

Why was he so evil? What had caused him to be that evil? Was all of this just a very long dream in my head?

Why? Simply, why?

What would dying feel like?

– Hello – he said. I don't know what Pacifica was thinking, I never knew. But I could almost hear her heart beating. She just looked  _so_ bright. And I just wished she could always look and feel that happy.

– Hi, Dipper! – she smiled at him and he smiled back. That felt... so weird? Dipper looked sick, and he looked different for sure. And he was acting different... I think. – Look at her!

Pacifica held her chicken up so Dipper could look at it. He laughed, and she giggled. I could not believe I was watching the two of them. I could not believe I was standing next to Pacifica and Dipper Gleeful, laughing together, and they both didn't care.

– Oh, her? – he asked. – I thought I had made a boy?

– Imperfect magic! – she joked, and he laughed in response. If  _I_ had been the one to insult his magic, he probably would've destroyed me. But no. Today he felt different. An actor as good as him wouldn't break character in any circumstance. He would keep pretending to be good. He would keep laughing with Pacifica. He would keep  _being_ like that, but pretend he was something else.

And like I said before, he could fool everyone. But  _not_.  _Me_.

– I came here to invite you two to an event in the Tent of Telepathy – he  _smiled_. – This Friday, the Gleeful Summerween party. No one ever misses one.

He winked at her. Summerween party? What the hell did that mean? The Gleeful Twins had parties?

– Summerween? – Pacifica said. – Melody mentioned that! It's like Halloween, right?

– Yes – Dipper nodded. – Summerween is exactly like Halloween, only during summer... Gravity Falls is the only town with this holiday...

Gravity Falls was  _dumb_. Full of dumber holidays. Summerween? Why would people need a second Halloween before the real Halloween? Who was the stupid guy who made this town? Seriously?

– Gravity Falls, I love you – Pacifica looked up, and Dipper giggled at her. – So there's dressing up and trick or treating, everything?

– Yeah. Dressing up  _is_ mandatory if you want to join the Gleeful Summerween party – he replied. Oh, great, now Pacifica would want to go. – If you don't you can celebrate somewhere else. And miss  _the greatest party in town_.

That was getting to Pacifica's head, I knew that. He knew she loved parties. He knew. Maybe she had told him. Maybe Wendy had told him. Maybe he read her mind or whatever? Was that power true too? All I knew was Pacifica  _would_ say yes to him.

– Dipper, do you have any idea who you're talking too? – she asked with an ironic voice, wrapping her hands around my shoulders and pulling me close to them. Oh  _no_ , get me out of here. – Back in California, Gideon and I were  _known_ as the kings of trick and treating. There's no beating  _our_ costume talent!

He smiled, staring at me. Was he waiting for me to say something? Was  _she_ waiting for me to say something? Did I  _have_ to say something? Or was he just being cynical?  _That_ wouldn't surprise me, he was bad. But as Pacifica held me tighter, and he looked into my eyes with more and more energy, I got more speechless with every second.

– That's great. You two will make a great addition to the party.

Was that his plan? Would he kill me and use my body as a Halloween decoration? A party full or fake blood, fake ghosts, terror... the perfect place to  _murder_ an innocent guy when you're a killer superstar who pretends to not be evil. Yes, it had to be that. I knew it. Dipper Gleeful, you are smart.

But I am just as smart as you.

– So I'll see you there? – he stared back at my best friend. She nodded cherfully.

– Of course! – she replied. – And oh, I almost forgot! Here you go.

She put her hands in her pocket and pulled out the stone he had lent her. Yes, her "second date" idea was right, after all, in a way? He got it from her hand, smiling and thanking her.

– My height altering crystal – he chuckled. – One day I might find good use for this.

Pacifica smiled.

– I have no idea what you're talking about.

What? Height altering crystal? Where had I heard about that before? I stared at Dipper's hand to try to take a look. The crystal was pink, slightly transparent, and it didn't look like a regular stone anymore... I recognised it somehow... maybe it was part of the Gleeful show.

– Well, I should go – and he took a long stare at me. What is it now? I already know I'm going to die, there's no need for more drama. – See you on Friday, Pacifica. And Gideon. It's at nine.

– Okay! Bye, Dipper! – she said, finally closing the door on him. I didn't know what else to say or think at that moment. Too many things happened whenever he was around. He just had that aura... Pacifica looked me right in the eyes. – He said my name first!

I was  _glad_  that he had said her name first. And I was happy that, despite everything, at least she was happy.

At least he hadn't done anything to her. And I would fight for her, if needed.

Who am I trying to fool? I would  _die_ for her if needed.

– So what do you think? – her beautiful braces showed up again. – An even nicer costume duo than last year?

– I don't think we can beat last year – she agreed. – And costumes again? We're sixteen.

– And it's Summerween. It happens.

Pacifica kissed me in the cheek. She ran up the stairs, with her chicken following her, and I stood there, next to the door. I could still feel Dipper's presence. I could still feel him there. I could still hear his voice. What he said on that night kept coming back to me. "What kind of death would you like, Pines?" What kind of death would I like? I wasn't sure.

Not dying would be the ideal death, I guess? But how would Dipper kill me? Would he run swords through my body like he had done to the man? Or would he do something more obvious, like poisoning my drink or drowning me in his bathtub? Would he choke me, punch me until I die? Would it hurt? Would other people see? Or would it be just us, murder being the most intimate and respectable act between the two of us?

 _How_ would it be? Does dying  _hurt_? And what's worse: the ten seconds before or the ten seconds after?

I didn't know. And I could not wait to find out.


	12. 12. Summerween

Think about it. What would have happened?

What would have happened if I just... hadn't woken up? Would Mabel take over the Gleeful show? Would it become the Mabel Gleeful show? Would that be it? What about me, would I go to hell? Did hell even exist? Would William eat my soul? Would he guide me? Would I meet with mother?

What would have happened to me? What if... what if he had let me die? I couldn't "see all" like people said I could. I couldn't see the possibilities... I couldn't see the past, I couldn't see the "if". Did I even want to see that? Did I even  _need_  to see that?

I didn't, but my head always told me to.

And Will... why did he wake me up? Could he have not? Or does the deal mean he has to care for my life no matter what? When he shook my hand all those years ago, what was he promising?

 _What even_ was the deal that I cared so much for?

"He didn't let you die, Mason. Why are you thinking about that? He didn't kill you!"

_But what if he had?_

I woke up at exactly the time I always did. 6:30, my alarm read. I got up, right foot on the floor first, and walked towards my phone, shutting the sound off. I went through every notification, standing there. I couldn't sit down, that was something I needed to do standing up, that first phone check of the day.

Why? Because that was how my mind decided it would be. I couldn't disobey my mind, could I?

I turned left. Alwaysleft, I cannot turn right after checking my phone, that'd be wrong. I unplugged it from the power plug, the house would burn down if I didn't, I think.

I walked straight towards my desk, covered by books about Chemistry, Geography... all the other things Mabel and I had to study to replace school. It took exactly nine steps to reach the desk. Nine, always. If I didn't take nine steps, bad luck.

I knocked on wood three times to ban the words "bad luck" from my head. Who knew what could happen if I hadn't touched wood. Or if I hadn't taken nine steps. I don't know, my mind thought bad things would happen.

Or better, my mind  _knew_ bad things would happen.

I sat on my desk, not forgetting to move the blue pen before I could get close to it. I reached the curtains, opening them and seeing the sun shine straight onto my white table. I analysed the rays of sun, knowing my mind would find something to freak out about.

And it did. Oh _no_ , the sun hit exactly  _the right side_  of the table. That was bad, really bad. But I couldn't close it.  _No. Way._ I could NOT close the curtains. There was a right time to open them. There was a right time to close them. I couldn't disobey the rules.

 _"_ _But_ in about two hours, when the sun is higher, it could hit the mirror. And the lipsticks you bought for Mabel. What if it melts them? What if the mirror breaks?  _God, what if the mirror breaks? What then? Would that be it? Would that be the end? Bad luck forever?"_

_"Mason, don't say that word. DO NOT think of that word. Touch wood now. But twice. Touch wood once for the bad luck and once more so that Mabel doesn't die. Don't ask why, but if_ **_you don't do it_ ** _, she will die and you know that. You know she'll die and her lipsticks will melt if you don't do that. Do it."_

My head, making logical sense as always. I agreed with it. Like I always did.

I knocked six times. Or I thought I did. Maybe I counted wrong or maybe... the last knock felt... different?... it felt weak. Yeah. That didn't count for sure. Did it? Did I have to do it again? Or would that could as seven? What... What would I do now?

My head yelled a lot of different answers, and I closed my eyes and knocked with my right hand instead of my left.  _That_ would fix things, my head said. But  _also_ , you need to press your fingers against one another, otherwise it won't work.

Yeah, the finger pressing... I pressed my fingers twice, and I kept pressing. Some blood might have been moved inside me, but I was safe now. I got up, moved the mirror to my bedside table, knowing that it would all be fixed. But  _Mason_ , don't place it straight like that. Place it a little to the left... almost centering the table... And touch wood again, you know you have to. If you don't, you'll  _blah blah blah blah blah_.

I did it. I always did it. I always did what my head told me to.

And at that moment, my head told me a lot. It asked what  _if_  I had  _fallen_  with that mirror... What  _if_  I had fallen and all the glass just stabbed my whole body? What if I died right there, with no one to hear my last words? What even  _would be_  my last words? Would I even be able to speak or would the glass just cut my tongue off too? It didn't happen, but who knows... what if...

My head very graphically showed me the scene. I could tell the difference between an intrusive thought and a future vision, I wasn't stupid. So I just thought of myself dying with that mirror. Even though it had not happened.

But what if it had?

Seeing myself die, all day, every day, was definitely not the best part of my routine... And t _hat_ was my head's favourite thing to show me. For sure

    Had I ever killed anyone with glass before? My head asked as I walked back to the desk.  _Should_ I kill someone with glass? How would I do it? It was now time to imagine myself killing someone. My head showed even Mabel and Will sometimes. It showed Pacifica this time too. My fingers bleeding while I pressed the glass deeper and deeper in her skin. Her screaming, as annoying as her speaking voice. Her despair, stronger than her admiration for me. She would die beautifully, I thought. I wondered what she would wear to the party, and what she would think of the demon costume I had made for me...

My fingers – not in the stupid thought, but in the real world – grabbed the black pen that was  _always_ there, and wrote. I  _had_ to write every morning. Who knows what would happen if I didn't... my head did. After writing some of my dreams down, I closed the notebook and put it back where it always should be. And my head? Of course. My head made me get up. I need to brush my teeth in less than two minutes.  _Now._

– How are the unwanted thought today, Master? – William asked. I counted and counted the seconds.  _Not_ any longer than two minutes. – More obsessive than usual?

I held back the strong desire to punch him in the face, just because my mind told me it would bring me more luck to hit him with my left elbow. And how could I disagree?

– I am not obsessive, William – I replied. – Or compulsive.

– That is not what the doctors said.

 _Doctors_ , sure. So the  _doctors_  would know more about Mason Gleeful's head than Mason Gleeful himself.  _Of course_ , Will. If I hit him now, the party would be a disaster. I don't know why, but it would.

– I do not have OCD, William.

But of course I did. Because Will wasn't even there.  _That_ had not even happened. I was completely alone, brushing my teeth in peace like a normal human being would. But my head? There was no peace there. I had more than twenty different intrusive thoughts in those two minutes I spent there. And who cares? I couldn't stop it, so why fight it? My dumb mental illness was the only thing that could possibly mess with me. And I hated it. Every part of it.

But what could I do? Nothing. I could do  _nothing_.

And thinking about hating it would make it stronger. At least that's what it told me.

– Two minutes – I checked. I always did.

And ever since the doctors told me, I though. Maybe it was a demon? Maybe there was another demon in my house. But living with me. Inside me. Maybe all that was a curse. Maybe that was mother, why not? What if that was what was best for me? Checking doors and windows so I wouldn't die suddenly? Turning lights on and off repeatedly because my fingers didn't feel right on the first time? Brushing my teeth as soon as one small piece of anything fell on my mouth? Ah, maybe that wasn't obsession. Maybe I wasn't "obsessed" with doing that exactly that amount of times, otherwise everything would be wrecked.

Maybe all that was mother. Trying to tell me that it's alright.

But again, maybe all this is  _it_. The disease, trying to take the form of mother just so I wouldn't hate it as much as I do. Maybe it was all a disguise.

A disguise that would never be fixed. And I was okay with that. I was. Because I'd win someday, so why worry?

I knew I wouldn't stop checking. I knew I wouldn't stop pressing my fingers on everything I touched. I wouldn't stop repeating movements with my right hand that I accidentally did with my left hand, stop turning around to nullify the exact movement I did one second before. I couldn't stop that, I  _can't_ stop that. How would I live without sinking and holding my breath for twenty seconds every time I took a bath? It's not possible to have a normal day if you don't put sock, shoe, sock, shoe on in the morning, it's  _not_.  _How_ would I exist like that? I'd die every single day. I'd live in bad luck – touch wood,  _now_ –, I'd live in uncertainty. If I didn't look at Mabel for exactly twelve seconds before we went on stage... I don't know. But I wouldn't. Feel okay.

I would never, ever, know peace. Everything would be wrong. Always. If I didn't. Obey it.

 _Maybe_ I had a stupid disease.  _Maybe_ Mabel didn't have or understand it. Maybe I didn't want her to. Maybe I did. Maybe I had thoughts about killing her too often. Maybe I had thoughts about not killing her also too often. Maybe I couldn't stop it.

Maybe I had never told her what the doctors told me. Maybe my head told me I would die if I did.

Maybe, just maybe... I was obsessed.

I read my horoscope, I told Mabel good morning. I did yoga. Did my mind shut up during it? No. Did it ever? Also no. Was that completely stupid and pointless and unfair? Well, most things were. Why did Mabel have the privilege of not having this mental thing? Why was she chosen to be normal? Why not me.  _How_ better than her at everything I would be, if only  _this_ wasn't the deal with me.

If only I could escape. For a moment. If only I could go through my day without killing myself in my own head. If only.

When the clock hit exactly 8, it was time to work out. William wasn't allowed to walk up the stairs before 10. Because my head told me so. And so I told him so.

Will knew. I had told him. And if I hadn't, he would know anyway. He knew lots of things. Lots of things...

First thing I had to do was run on the treadmill. Thirty minutes, difficulty level 5,  _exactly_ that amount of kilometres. If I didn't reach it... well, you know the drift already... My legs giving out and my heart almost giving up on me,  _maybe_ it wasn't the best idea to listen to my head whenever it told me to stay extra time whenever I didn't hit the button at the exact time. But what else could I listen to? My heart? Why would any sane human do that?

I wouldn't.

"You need water."

"No, only when you finish."

"And only if you do five more minutes and click the stop button at exactly 35 minutes."

"If you don't..."

"Yeah, you get it, you don't need a reason. You've already done it."

"You've already obeyed the demon, I guess."

"But how does waiting to drink water help your health? Wouldn't it be the opposite?"

"Are you doubting?"

"You always are. But you also never are."

"You're just thinking."

"It's normal. Thinking."

10 A.M. came. Finally. Now I could see Will, and let my head tell me whether I should speak to him like a normal person or if I should just wreck his face again. Maybe I should make him cough blood... Maybe I should break his nose. There were too many possibilities, but today's main one was just walking towards him.

– Good morning – he said. My head formulated many answers, as usual. But some of them... unspeakable. I grabbed his right arm, and I just pressed my fingers into his skin, until my fingers felt satisfied. He stared at me and I knew. That he knew.

– Hello, William – I fought with my need to grab his  _other arm_ as well. – How are the preparations for the party?

Will, not moving the arm that I was using for my foolish compulsion, took a piece of paper out of his pocket, and handed it to me.

– The confirmed guests? – he nodded. – Thank you, Will.

He bowed, and I finally let him go. Both my hands grabbed the paper, exact pressure on both sides of the sheet. Will's handwriting was so pleasing. And I knew why he made sure to never write an unfinished word in any line. I knew why he was so careful when writing what I would see. William not only respected me, he also loved me. More than he should love me. Maybe I should've punished him for loving me but I knew he wouldn't mind. And I knew how far he would go for me.

I knew it. I didn't need to read his mind to know that.

– Why that face, William?

He put his head down. And I knew.

He wasn't the only other man living in that house. The beginning of a new day also meant the beginning of more Stanford. He, differently from Will, never understood. He never respected me or my timetable requests. He always got mad at every single compulsion I ever did, since always.  _He_ was the one who decided I was "mad" and "needed to be checked by a doctor". He was the one who screamed saying that I was crazy when I was twelve. He never wanted to listen to what my brain chose, just as I wished I didn't have to listen to it. He did what he felt like doing, which usually meant, he did the worst things.

He never thought about the disastrous consequences that my head made up. He never cared about what disrespecting them could do to me.

Stanford was a pitiful man, and I would laugh on the day when he would finally die. His hateful face made me angrier than anyone ever did. Poor man... he was so much less that what his smart mind could have become... I guess losing a niece does that to you. It makes you useless.

William's faded thought revealed what was about to happen: him entering the room. Stanford opened the door to the room, and stared at me. I wanted to kill him. My mind simulated him killing me.

– Mason.

– Stanford.

I let go of William completely, joined my hands with one another, and dismissed him. He left, not making any noise. And as bad as my mind reading still was, I could see his thoughts. They were strong...

– You don't need to call me Mason – I said. He knew that, he knew.

I just honestly wanted to tease him.

– If I don't, you'll end up forgetting that's your real name again.

I hated whenever he referenced my childhood. I hated whenever he felt like he was my family. I hated whenever he referenced what happened before she died. I hated whenever he said anything that reminded me of her. I hated remembering her. I hated having stupid intrusive thoughts about being able to save her. I hated everything about her not being there with us. I hated him.

I hated Stanford. Dearly. With my whole soul. And mind. I  _hated_ him, so much.

I rolled my eyes, which usually bothered him. My mind fired me with images of him being annoyed at that and just grabbing me by my collar, stabbing me and letting me die alone. Images of him throwing me against the wall, hitting my head on it until all my blood was out of my body. Images of him simply slicing my throat. Images of him burning me alive. Images of him punching me to death. Him breaking all my bones. Him locking me up and waiting for me to perish slowly.

I thought a lot. In those five seconds that took him to continue talking, I thought and thought and thought.

– Were you and Cipher talking about business?

That was the difference between us. Stanford didn't think. He was just lucky enough to have his whole body in his own control. Luck. That is all Stanford really had. Luck.

I noticed his movements. He started walking in circles, some metres away from me. I sat down on the nearest table, in the position my mind was telling me to be. He kept staring at me.

– Hm... our business, yeah.

I smiled. I sarcastically smiled at him, just  _knowing_ that he would be mad. And you know what? After suffering a demon curse and having a power hiatus that strengthened my disease, I  _could not_ care about what he did to me.

Especially if it involved William. The  _only one_ who cared for what I felt.

Because yes. I felt.

Stanford's expression went from neutral to slightly mad. He pointed his nose up, and I just wanted to break him apart. He continued.

–  _Your_ business? – he questioned with that disgusted voice that I hated so much. At that point, I did not care whether he would try to kill me or not. It was all my head anyway. He wasn't stronger than me.

I nodded, making my sarcastic smile shorter, but even more sarcastic. I believe he hated that.

I wondered if he hated me more than I hated him.

– And what would your business with him be? – he asked as if he already knew the answer he wanted to hear. Or better,  _didn't_ want to hear.

I just wanted to scream from the top of my lungs. Everything that would make him angry. Everything that would make him hate me more and more.

I stayed silent, staring down and still smiling at his question. I could almost hear his blood boiling.

– Mason – he said my name in such a disgusting way, ruining it completely. – You are aware that William Cipher is a demon meant to serve us, right? You know that he is here to auxiliate you with your professional  _and_ spiritual life. Nothing else.

He was  _so wrong_. It was so disgusting how wrong he always was about Will. And how much he pretended to know.  _No, idiot_ , I wanted to say.  _William Cipher_ _is a dream demon, made from a family of twelve brothers who have the sole objective of conquering universes and merging realities_. I needed to say.  _He is here because I made a deal with him to be with me and help me understand and stabilise myself_.

_He is the one thing that keeps me in this house_ _. Without him, I would've destroyed everything already._

– Yeah, he does all that – I responded. – What do you think I meant with business?

I looked him right in the eyes, waiting for his lucky brain to just formulate a lucky answer with no thought whatsoever. He took a little while, staring at me like I owed him something. I knew what he was thinking. I knew what he thought he knew.

– Mason – he repeated my name and my head  _begged_ for him to stop that. "Mason, Mason, Mason"... – When will you learn to not pretend like you don't know what I'm talking about?

He got up. Was he coming to hit me? He never did that. Was he going to yell? He always did that.

My future vision had been off since the demon memory. But I could sense what was coming.

I chuckled. He got closer to me.

– Is this funny to you?

Was it? Was that funny? An old man thinking he was the king of the world in front of the actual next ruler of the universe? I guess I did think that was a bit funny. His existence was funny. His presence in my life was funny. Who wrote him into my story? Who would make all of that up?

Who decided that that man would be the real challenge of my life? Why not make it something more interesting? Like Mabel, or William... Why make it  _him_?

Too easy, too boring. He's too old and unpowerful for me. Why couldn't my narrative have an interesting enemy?

Oh, that is right. I am the most powerful. No one is more interesting than me. Whether that means I'm my own enemy or not, I don't want to know.

I didn't answer, and I guess that was more offensive than anything I could have said.

– When will you learn to be more like your sister?

I chuckled, sarcastically. He stood there in silence.

– What, messy and bitchy?

– Hardworking – he responded, as if he did not know Mabel was those things. Or maybe he really didn't.

Maybe he really was blinded by whatever spell she casted on him. I just hoped it wasn't for her irresistible looks, because that would be disgusting.

Not because he's family, but because he's disgusting.

– You know, Mabel would never miss a single Gleeful show.

As if that wasn't obvious.

– Yeah? I wouldn't either – I said back to him, who was less than a metre away from where I was. – There's no show without me. Or her.

– Of course. But she would never  _cancel_ one either. If it wasn't for you.

I wanted to punch him so bad.

– Here we go...

– Yes, Mason,  _here_  we go – his volume raised a little. – Do you have any ideas what you could have done to the ratings if you cancelled another show?

– Oh, so I almost died and what you care about is the show?

He sighed. He had this strange tendency to lower his voice and bring it up again one moment later.

– It was simply a cold – he replied, pretending like he cared. – Or was there something else I haven't heard about?

My mind was going crazy, as usual. Thoughts about every single thing. Tall waves, fallen lifts, a swarm of bees. There was never a right time for a thought. And there was never a right amount of time to obsess about each one.

And still, it wasn't as unbearable as Stanford was.

Maybe he was the reason for all that? Or maybe he wasn't. Maybe every single thought I have was being made up by the me who wasn't exactly me. And maybe, just maybe, I shouldn't think about my thoughts.

But who would Mason Gleeful be without a little obsession, right?

– Is there? – I asked, and my stomach turned a little. I didn't know if I should continue to make him angry. But I liked it.

He turned to me with the most annoyed expression. If I could take a picture of that expression, I would. And he continued speaking as if I owed him something.

– Maybe you and William should stop spending time alone.

I already knew he was going to say that... He always did.

– Completely, at all – he continued. – You need to focus on work.

– Why does Will even have to be part of this? I thought you were here to tell me how I'm not good enough.

– Yes – yes. –  _William_ doesn't have to be a part of this. Or your life.

I could have reminded him that I was the one to shake William's hand, but he'd heard that enough. And he didn't really care about real logic anyway. He only overlaped it with his own wrongful one.

– And call him by his real name. William Cipher. Not "Will".

– Are you really hurt over a dumb nickname?

He rushed towards me, holding my arms with force and making me stare at him.  _Now_ he was mad.  _Now_ I believed my murder thoughts could become real, if only he wasn't weak and afraid. Now everything changed, and I was once again the failed twin.

– I have no idea who you think you're talking to, boy.

Yeah, you don't really have any idea of anything about me.

– But if you disrespect me  _once more_...

I will still disrespect you. Many times more.

– I will make sure you regret that.

I already do. Seeing you upclose makes me want to vomit.

– I know you don't like growing up. But you have to and you  _will_. Whether you want it or not.

I am pretty sure he included a swear word in one of those three sentences, but I'll leave it out. I guess a selfishly jealous homophobic insane old man was allowed to swear at his great-nephew who he viewed as an also selfishly jealous monotonous gay useless young boy. I guess it was alright of him to yell at me because I did whatever with William when no one was around. I guess he was correct when he compared me to Mabel, saying I would never be like her if I didn't grow up.

I guess it made logical sense, and I had to come to terms with it! And even if it didn't, it still had to! Why wouldn't it? If my head said it did... why not?

Everything he did was right. Yell at me, forbid me from seeing my own butler if not for supernatural purposes, tell the doctors I was just crazy and there was no way to fix it, not saying a single word about his niece on any of her birthdays, not let me follow my own schedules, not allow me to go out with certain people, destroy my friendship with Wendy Valentino, steal everything for himself. He was just... being logical. That's how logic was supposed to work at that house. I wasn't the main character there. There was something greater than me. There would  _always_ be.

And I had to respect him. Yes, mister Stanford, of course I will. Of course.

– Yes.

Yes, I said. I said yes to him. I agreed.

I didn't know what happened in those five minutes in which he just screamed non-stop. But I said yes.

– Good – he lowered his voice once again. – Consult me before anything. Just like your sister does.

Just like my sister does.

– Never forget that you  _are not_ the man of the house.

I am not the man of the house.

– You're the one who works for me.

I'm the one who works for him.

– Without me, you would not exist.

Without him, I would not exist.

– And I have done everything for you – he finished. – And now it's time you do what I tell you. For me.

He has done. Everything. For me.

Maybe it would've been better if Will had never woken me up.

The party was not a disaster. It was incredible. Or at least everyone told me it was. I guess judging by the chapter's name you're expecting me to describe what happened there. Do I have to?

I mean, Pacifica and Gideon went. Wendy went. Those are the only important ones for the narrative, right? Mabel looked stunning as usual. Pacifica did not look bad. She never did. She wore an angel costume. And I wore a demon one. We did not plan it, and she called it "destiny" with a cute little laugh in the end. Gideon was wearing... something. I didn't pay attention to him. I guess I was hoping to hurt him or at least scare him away on that party, but I didn't.

I didn't do many things. I was off. Something about me was off. I couldn't get close to Will, but I could stare at him from afar, with his really well made pirate costume. Since I couldn't touch him or perform any of my compulsive acts on his arms, I just hoped Pacifica wouldn't notice the repetitive trails my fingers made against her skin. My mind reading was still bad from the curse, but I don't think she did.

It was a good night. I guess. My mind wasn't on the night, of course. My mind never was where it was supposed to be. Maybe I did die with the curse, maybe all that was just afterlife.

It wasn't. But what if it was? Obsession doesn't end after all, does it?


	13. 13. Boss Mabel

Whether you believe it or not, I was still alive.

    Dipper had not killed me yet. My heart was still beating. I went to his party and he surprisingly didn't even talk to me, like all was a joke to him. Making me wait for death like that, was the worst form of torture he could do to me, and I was not happy to have more trauma in my life.

    Summer was supposed to be... fun. And the fact that everything had changed so drastically, in such a short matter of time, was terrible.

    I got a text from Mabel first thing in the morning, and I have to admit that it helped me calm down. Even if she really was on Dipper's side and all that was his evil plan to kill me, I  _still_ liked... to just pretend. That she was really there for me. And I could keep pretending. I could still make my mind believe in it. It's okay to be a fool if that makes my short rest of life a little bit more peaceful. "Hey Gid, good morniiiing" her message said, followed by a few emoticons. "Can I come over?"

    We had been messaging each other ever since our day together at the festival, and she was really good at pretending. The Gleeful Twins were, in fact, great actors. She and I and our fake friendship were the only thing I wished I could focus on sometimes, because everything other than that just made me stressed. Even my real friendship with Pacifica, who was still going on about how she and Dipper spent time together at the party.

    My real friendship with Pacifica was the most stressful thing to focus on at the moment.

    "Sure!" I replied, but my mind did more of a "sure?". Mabel had never spent time with me in a closed space, and I don't know what Dipper's plan had to do with this sudden invitation, but it was surely something. Maybe because of that book I took to him? Maybe she wanted to check if there were more of those here?

    What was that book anyway? Why did he want to kill me because of it? Was it stolen from the Tent of Telepathy or something?

    I didn't know, but I definitely knew who to ask.

    – Hey.

    – Hey! – Melody responded, thankfully. I was glad she was home, she was always so busy with work. – How are you, Gideon?

    I felt like a jerk, finally having a conversation with her after so long. And even worse, I had intentions and a reason for it, it wasn't even a real conversation. Maybe it was time to learn that other people existed too and were not only part of my own stupid fictionally real narrative.

    – Good, how are you, Melody? – she answered that she felt just like I thought she felt: great. And I decided to just ask her. – Hey, where do the books on the Shack's library come from?

    She frowned her forehead, probably confused by my question.

    – Well, like every other library does, Gideon!

    – Yeah, yeah, I know – pretty dumb question. – But like, if I specifically ask you about a book, will you remember when and who you got it from?

    She nodded.

    – Of course! Unless it was picked by your uncle.

    Yeah, it made sense.

    – So, hardcover book, gold hand in the cover, with the number three on top? – I tried describing the book, and that was all I could remember. And the fact that it was big and heavy.

    And no matter what, I would always remember how that book looked in Dipper's arms, while he threatened to kill me on the day we met.

    – It was weird, there was only one copy.

    – Most books here have only one copy, Gideon – she answered. – And I am really sorry, I don't know what you're describing.

    Ugh, I shook my head. There was no way Melody would've stolen that from Dipper. Melody wasn't... weird, right? She wasn't one of those people who were all good and then suddenly they weren't anymore, she could not possibly be untrustworthy...

    I had to trust her... if she said she never saw it, then she never did.

    But why did... why did Dipper... why would he...

    – Okay, sorry – she said it was okay. – I was just wondering.

    – I can ask your uncle if you want to – she smiled. She could what?

    – What? How?

    – Video chat? – she answered. Oh. – Do you really think we don't talk?

    Melody laughed, and I smiled at her. Oh. Video chat. True.

    – I just assumed he was somewhere like... very far away and weird, I don't know.

    – Oh, he is – she giggled. – But believe me, he would do a lot just to be able to facetime me for a while.

    Oh. They were sweet, I guess. Maybe more sweet than my parents were. My parents didn't video chat. Or chat. At all. I warned her about Mabel.

    – Hey, Mabel is coming over, okay? Sorry I didn't say anything.

    – Mabel? Like The Mabel Gleeful? – she smiled. "Yeah, her" I nodded. – What is it with you and Pacifica? Making friends with the superstars in town!

    I don't know, aunt Melody, believe me when I say.

    That I  _don't know_.

    The hours went by slowly. I didn't want to ask her anything else about the book, trusting that she would talk to my uncle about it. Pacifica spent the day with her new chicken that she loved so much, apparently. So I just had to wait. Wait and wait for Mabel to arrive. I guess she didn't live that far away, so I don't know why it took her so long. But it took more than two hours for sure. I opened the door for her.

    She did look beautiful. If she had said she took a long time because she was getting ready, I would have believed it. Her hair was as shiny as Pacifica always said it was. Her eyes were beautifully marked by her blue makeup and... I did not pay attention to her clothes, but they were fancy as usual. The whole black and blue thing that she loved so much. It went well with her. With all her energy.

    She did carry a purse this time. A small purse.

    – Hey, pretty boy – I smiled at her, feeling underdressed as always. – How are you, dearie?

    I blinked once or twice, wondering why she and Dipper just had the tendency to stand on the door and talk, instead of coming in like normal people. Maybe they really were super strange vampires, unhurt by the sun for some odd reason? I decided to accept it.

    – Good, how are you? – I tried saying but regretted it one second later, hearing how it came out. Mabel did not seem bothered. Instead, she smiled and replied.

    – I'm fantastic! – she said, voice louder than mine but definitely lower than Pacifica's. – Do you want to go to the Tent of Telepathy instead of staying here? I might have a surprise...

    She winked, and I knew. There was no way to run. There was nothing I could do, really. Their plan was made and I didn't want to risk going against it.

    Taking risks is dumb. Especially when you've already considered every possibility. Especially then.

    – Sure – I replied, trying to make sure that she knew that I knew. I wonder if that worked. – Can I just do one last thing first?

    – Of course! – she allowed me to do my last thing. I invited her in and let her waiting on the couch, while I went to find Pacifica.

    I didn't want to say goodbye to her. I knew I had to but... I didn't feel like it. If there was something I didn't want to lose, that something was her.

I found her and the chicken in our backyard, and after checking all the windows to make sure there was  _no way_ Mabel could possibly see us, I approached them.

    Pacifica seemed happy to see me. And I don't know about the chicken. Maybe it was happy as well.

    – Look at her! – she held her chicken close to me to greet me. – Look at him, Clucks! Isn't he handsome?

    – Hey girls – I sat next to my best friend for the last time in my life. But she didn't know that. I couldn't let her know.

    – Hiiii, Gideon. Say hi, Clucks!

    While she played with her pet, I thought about what I would say. And so my eyes analysed every part of her extension. I admired her beautiful smile, her colourful clothes, her. My best friend. So full of life, glee, and laughter. I always promised I would hurt every single person who had ever made her sad before, and I wish I could've lived up to that promise. Maybe dad was right. Maybe if I had worked hard enough, I wouldn't be this short and weak and unbrave and unable to save her as I am. I was going to die on that day. And I couldn't protect her. I never could. And I never would be able to, ever.

    I never would be the best friend she needed. But I would like to be remembered as the best friend she had.

    – Pacifica.

    She looked at me. She brought Clucks close to her head, and I swore that that was the prettiest thing I had ever seen anyone do. Her blue eyes shone through all the dark my head was imagining. That was the power she had.

– Gideon – and she smiled. She smiled wide and perfectly, and I was glad to be able to see something so pretty.

I smiled at her. For real this time. I hadn't done that in a while. She kept holding her chicken up in the air, and I just thought and thought about how Mabel was inside and how safe Pacifica was, playing with her chicken outside. I promised to do my best to have it remain like that. I promised to try.

– I really like you, you know? – and her expression changed completely. She seemed surprised to hear that.

– Wow – she started, putting Clucks down on the ground. – This isn't... a confession, is it?

– What? No! – I replied. – You're my best friend, I'm not crazy!

– Phew, that's a relief – and her smile returned, bright as always. – I like you a lot as a best friend too, Gideon!

I knew that. And I was thankful for it. How did I, the least interesting boy in the world, have such an amazing chance of meeting someone like Pacifica Southeast?

Why did  _I_ , completely average person, get the privilege of being the best friend of her life, the person she spends time with the most.  _She_ , positive, fun, upbeat, happy, smart, incredible, was so much more than anything that I deserved to have. And I was eternally grateful. I was deeply, deeply, thankful.

I guess I thought of that often. Why me? Why not someone more like her? But I am glad. I've always been glad. And I wish I had enjoyed it for a longer time. I wish I had been more thankful.

– I know – I answered, looking down at the grass I would never be able to touch again. She noticed my movement. – I would freak out if I lost you.

– Ohh, me too – I wish she hadn't said that. – Without your dumb smart brain around I wouldn't know what to do, ever.

She laughed. And I laughed back, hoping she didn't mean it. I hoped Pacifica would be okay. Did I want to be remembered by her? Yes. Did I want her to miss me? Not really.

I did not want Pacifica to suffer. Ever.

– You mean that? – I asked. She turned her head to me and I noticed she wasn't smiling anymore.

I felt the sun shine on top of my skin, knowing I wouldn't feel that ever again.

– Like, what do you think it would be like if I were just... gone?

Pacifica's hair looked beautiful under the sunlight. She stared deeply into my eyes, not being sure what to say next.

– Well – she began speaking. – You're not  _going_ to be gone, right?

I shook my head no.

– Nah, of course not – I lied. I don't regret lying. – But like. You know.

– No, we don't need to talk about things that are not going to happen, I think – Pacifica was never one to imagine bad scenarios. Or discuss them.

– It could happen – I replied. – Someday.

– Nah, I'm older – she argued. – I'm gonna die first.

I sighed. If only that was how the world worked.

– Well, men die first – she giggled.

– Yeah, that's because you're all super dumb – her smile was the brightest once again. – But you have a bit of smartness there, so you're fine!

If only smartness could save me right now. If only there weren't two other smart creatures for me to deal with... if only.

If only that wasn't my last minute with the best person to ever exist on Earth...

– I just wanted to remind you. That I love you. Truly.

She seemed happy to hear that.

– I love you too, Gideon – I swore to keep that memory in my head. – A lot.

And we hugged. Pacifica's hugs were extremely comforting, especially at those circumstances. I tried using all the energy in my brain to make sure that whenever she thought of me, that would be what she would remember. I wanted her to remember all the times we hugged, laughed, had fun together. I wanted her to delete all the times I kept warning her or making fun of the boys she crushed on, all the wrong I've done to her. All those times in which I was an insensitive friend, all those times in which I wasn't thankful. For having such an awesome girl by my side. Who was there for me no matter what.

I wanted her to remember. And I wanted to remember too.

We broke the hug, and I could see her happy expression once again. I wasn't smiling, and I hoped she didn't think bad of that. I was just trying my best so I wouldn't cry in front of her. I could not let her know. There was no way I could let her know.

– I have to go now – I said, getting up. Pacifica made an "awnn" noise.

– Be back soon? – she pouted. And oh, how much I wanted to be back for her. How much I wanted to stay forever.

I nodded.

– Yeah. I'll be back soon.

I left, waving goodbye at her. And her chicken too. Clucks, actually. I went back inside, where Mabel waited for me. "Ready to go?" she asked, while posing fancily on our sofa. "Yeah".

"I'm ready to go".

We walked together to the Tent of Telepathy, Mabel happily talking about her favourite memories from the party. She had worn a very pretty siren outfit to match her butler's pirate costume, and she definitely had fun. Magic, tricks, dancing, their party had everything. I even saw Candy there, together with every single other person who lived in Gravity Falls. Melody was the only one who didn't go. What a shame. I would miss her mysterious job encounters and her dedication to run the Mystery Shack all by herself. I wonder how much it must hurt to lose a nephew. Hopefully not much, but probably a lot.

I thought about dad. Should I text him saying I love him before I go? Would he even bother to read it? Or would he be busy with work?

– Here we are again! – Mabel smiled, guiding me to the front entrance.

– Wow, you already cleaned everything up? – I looked around, surprised to see there were no sign of any big parties around there. – Impressive

– Our butler is very efficient when he wants to be – she joked. That wasn't a good way to treat a servant, but I accepted it. That was how the Gleeful twins were, apparently.

I entered the tent. Mabel came behind me, and I could feel her deep stare on me. Was that it? Would I die right away? Or would she torture me before?

I looked around, but there was no sign of a Dipper anywhere. Or a butler. Everything sounded... quiet. Nothing sounded of anything. The Gleeful mansion was creepily soundless. And I would die there, in that silence.

– So – I turned to her. I was scared. But I had to pretend. I had to let her know that I knew everything. And that I was ready. And that I was not sorry. I waited for her answer, and she got close to me and started running her fingers through my hair. – How's it gonna be?

She giggled.

– What?

– The... thing – I responded. – What did we come here for?

Mabel's expression changed into a confused look. Her acting skills were even greater than her brother's for sure.

– For... – she began formulating. – Destiny?

Destiny? Was that what it was? Was killing me their "destiny"? Was that the reason they called me "the chosen one"? But Pacifica was chosen too, was she not? Did it mean the same for her?

– For... love?

Mabel approached me even more. And she  _kissed me_. Mabel kissed my lips and tied her arms around my neck in a way that made it impossible for me to pull away. Did I want to? Yeah. I did not want to kiss Mabel. What was going on.

W - What?

She pulled away, smiling at me.

– Definitely love – she said, as if she was answering her own question. Then she let go of me, turning her back to me and walking towards the other side of the room.

I just stood there. In complete silence. I did not know what to do. I did not know what to say. What was supposed to happen now? Could it possibly get any more confusing than that? I had my doubts.

– Which season, little Gideon? – which season? Which season what? – Which season is it gonna be?

What was she saying?

– Which season is  _what_ gonna be?

– Our wedding – she naturally answered. Our... – I personally prefer the spring, but we'll have to wait a loooong time if we want a spring wedding next year.

What was that supposed to mean? Was she trying to drug me with her words so it would be easier to kill me? Was that even possible? Or was my mind just making up stupid scenarios? Maybe Pacifica was right about me overthinking everything.

– W - What wedding?

– You kissed me, dummy. You certainly have feelings for me, right?

Mabel giggled as she turned to face me again. I wish I had reacted, I wish I had said something. But I couldn't. It was like my face had been frozen by the surprise her lips had for me. She kept waiting for an answer.

– Right, little Gideon?

– M - Mabel, I have no idea what you're talking about. What kind of feelings do you mean? What is happening?

– Gideon?

She seemed surprised. But not the good kind of surprised. She seemed  _shocked_ that I didn't answer her question. She looked just as if I had just committed a huge crime right in front of her, and I didn't like that reaction. Not one bit.

– You  _do_ have feelings for me – she stood there, saying. – You do.

– I do? – I asked. I was lost.

I wish I had not asked that. But at that moment, with everything that was going on in my head, how could I not??

– Yeah?

– I...

I couldn't answer. Whatever Mabel was trying to do, it was working. I was lost, completely distracted. Dipper could come out at any time and kill me. But why was he taking so long? Why did it have to be only me and my fake friend for so long?  _What_ was their objective? What did they want? To mess with me?

Mabel looked down. And she giggled.

I was hoping everything would end then. I was hoping she would say that everything was a joke and kill me, or something. I thought that was it, the end of the confusion.

– Are you really like all of them?

– Who?

What was she talking about?  _What did she want from me?_

– Like them! Like all the other boys! – she rose her voice. I wasn't expecting her to get irritated, I had never seen Mabel like that.

What boys? What was she on about? Was there a right thing to say at a moment like that? Or would everything I try to say just make the situation worse and worse?

What was happening? And why was it so frustrating and weird?

– Mabel – I walked closer to her in one big step, trying to calm her down. – Mabel, I don't know what you mean. What other boys? Which boys?!

– All the other boys in this world,  _Gideon_  – she spat out my name. Had I done something? Had I... I had, hadn't I? But what was it? Had I had been a bad fake friend?

Whatever it was, that really did  _not_ strike me as part of the Gleeful plan to murder me. But I could never be sure...

I stood there, about a metre away from her, speechless. My mouth tried forming some words, but with no results. Mabel's eyes were completely red. There were tears. They weren't falling, but staying in perfect place, draining the blue from her eyes and turning them into a huge puddle of light green. And she stared at me. Her pool of tears looked into my eyes like the most efficient weapon of guilt. And after about five hurtful seconds spent looking into my hurt fake friend's irises, I noticed a tear fall. Finally.

Mabel was crying.

And it was my fault.

And I didn't even know why.

– M - Mabel? Are you alri...

She grabbed my right arm with strength.

– I won't let you break my heart, you know?

You... w - what?

– I will  _not_ allow you to do that, understand?!

And that was when I knew. I would never stop being a coward. I would never stop being scared. And hey, maybe that was okay. Maybe it was part of who I was and I shouldn't be mad about it.

But that was also when I knew. I was  _not_ prepared for death. In the slightest.

I just got used to the idea of it.

Mabel tied my arms together with a long rope she took out of her purse. She then covered my mouth with tape so no one could hear me scream. And she guided me to a room with only one lonely chair as decoration. As she tied me to it, I just wished, for the love of everything that was real and true, that Pacifica would be okay.

Before fear made me pass out I had time to hear Mabel's words: "I love you, I love you, I love you..."


	14. 14. Bottomless Pit!

– How did... did she...?

– She didn't inform me, Master. I apologise.

Mason stepped away from the door, slowly. "It's okay" he told me, walking close to me as I placed his cup of tea on his desk. It wasn't hard to hear. Gideon Pines was screaming so audibly that he could be heard from any part of Mason's office. Something seemed to bother him.

– How did he even trust her? – he sat on his chair, commanding that I did the same. – She's my sister, he saw her killing that guy on our show too.

I stood, lacking an answer to give. "Stay away from him" was what Master Stanford had told me, together with his extensive explanation that was not needed whatsoever. I could not disobey Master Stanford. No one could.

But how could I, so attached to Mason Gleeful, let him go. How could I expect him to keep himself stable without anyone to serve or listen to him. How could I stop convincing myself of what our deal really was about. Even if I knew it wasn't accurate.

I could do everything. And that was the answer. I had to do it. For them.

For him.

He kept staring at me, as he normally did when he was reading my mind. His eyes blue as usual. His human structure, so simple and easy to break. He was just so unremarkably normal. Just like every other single human.

So why was he so different. Why did he have to be so different.

His head hurt. He was still weak, as one would normally be after such great trauma. As one would normally feel after being tortured by a dream demon.

I just wished. And hoped. That he could recover. Although he shouldn't matter to me. I still wished.

I felt like he was going to speak. Or maybe he wasn't. But I interrupted him. I knew I shouldn't have, but I had to.

I had to stay away from him.

– Master. I apologise, but I really need to leave – I bowed, thinking about leaving him behind. Alone with his own thoughts. – In case you need assistance, just let me know.

I walked towards the door, and I could almost feel him running behind me. And hitting me with all his strength. Maybe he wanted to, maybe he didn't. I could just feel the energy.

And at that moment, I wanted him to. It would have felt better than what leaving the room felt like.

– Wow, wait, what happened? – he asked, confusedly getting up and grabbing my hand. – I didn't even show you the thing about the journal!

I wanted to stay. How much I wanted to stay.

Gideon Pines made a loud noise in the other room, and that seemed to distract Mason a little bit. Gideon seemed to be struggling with pain. Madam Mabel, from what I had experienced, was probably cutting his skin open. Or maybe not. Maybe he was just weak. Humans are weak.

– Master – I stared at him. And my eyes leaked once again. Mason had that effect on me.

Mason did human things to me. He caused me human pain. He formed my human tears. He gave me human feelings. How human my living experiences were could only be judged by my brothers, and they were not around to analyse me. So I was the Cipher left around to judge my own life.

And  _how I knew_ , how strongly my human feelings for him were. I didn't want to leave him. But did I care? Probably not.

I had to stay away from him. And if I had to. I would.

– He... talked to you?

He opened his mouth in shock, and softly detached his dry hand from mine. I knew what he was thinking. I knew what he always thought. I knew what he always said about Master Stanford. I knew why he hit me.

Humans and their connection problems. Their family issues that just could not be fixed by their brains. So easy to grasp... their difficulties were just so ridiculously easy to solve. Humans...

– Will – I did not answer. But I didn't leave either. Looking at him made me feel like he wanted to die. Looking at him made me feel like he was curious about what would happen if he died. Looking at him caused something unexplainable to him. And to me. My tears started silently falling. With no permission, as they always did... As they always disobeyed me...

But I did not move. I kept looking in the eyes of my Master. I kept looking in the eyes of the dealer, the one who had saved me from oblivion. I kept waiting for whatever it was he would do to me. Because there was no way to be sure about what a Gleeful would do. Despite their simplicity, they were also stupidly unpredictable sometimes.

I never knew exactly what they would do to me. But I didn't care. I could not care. Caring was not part of his deal.

– I told you. – he did tell me. He always did. – My orders weight more than his.

They really didn't. And the worst part was, Mason had no idea.

I allowed myself to take his left hand, holding it tight. And he let me.

– One hundred percent mine.

I could see that he remembered. I knew. That he knew. That I was his.

The deal was his.

I shook his hand. Up and down, up and down. He knew. We both knew. There was nothing that could break the deal apart. As long as time existed, as long as the Earth was its own, there was nothing anyone could do.

There was  _nothing_ Stanford could possibly do to break his deal. Our deal.

– I apologise – I said. I really was sorry.

I was sorry for what he could become.

– Thank you for finding me.

As I opened the door and left, I heard Gideon Pines again. I decided to focus on his screams as a way to ignore Mason looking at me. As a way to pretend I wasn't leaving him behind, to make the most of what that deal really meant. And help the Gleeful Twins with their spiritual growing and powerful abilities.

He stopped yelling for a while, but I knew he was crying. So he wasn't dead. Madam Mabel walked up the stairs, and although I had heard Mason close the door to his office, I still did not want to look back.

So I smiled at her, paying attention to her full red lips and how weirdly pinker her makeup was, as if she had smudged her lipstick. As soon as she saw me on top of the stairs, she smiled.

– Will, my dear! – she called, stopping in front of me, but keeping her distance. Mabel Gleeful was a truly interesting human being. Her face was almost identical to her brother's, except she covered it with makeup. Like some humans were used to doing. She always wore tight and small clothing, normally of darker shades. Her hair, identical to Mason but much longer. And more "curly", as she used to describe it.

Her amulet, as shiny as it was on the day I gave it to her. Her vanity was impressive. She, in general, was a very impressive woman. And a very pleasing company on a good day.

She stared at me with – as Mason described it – a sarcastic smile. I did not reply. I simply smiled back. She didn't enjoy it when I talked.

– Hey, boring, come help me with something – her high voice invaded my ears. – Thought you'd be busy kissing Dipper.

Kissing was not exclusively human, I have to admit. But kissing Mason always felt,  _indeed_ , very human.

– Scissors – her excitement made her voice sound a little more unpleasant that it already was. – Give me a pair.

She made her way past me, walking in the direction of her office, and I followed her.

– Scissors? – I impulsively asked. Maybe I shouldn't have, but I did.

– Yes? – she responded as if it was obvious.

– Oh – I said, truthfully confused. – Where do you think I can find those?

She groaned. I took one step back, trying to give her the amount of space she wanted. When Mabel tortured me, it didn't hurt much. Her way of punishing me was more artistic, making trails along my body, drawing on me with her knives. Tearing my skin apart, making me bleed like pure red paint. It was different from Mason. Mason's way was more impulsive. Less controlled and more... mad. I felt like the only time he wasn't in control over himself was then. When he hit me. When he made my bones and muscles hurt.

And that is why it wasn't bad. If hurting me was his way of bettering himself, it had to be done. That's what I was there for, right?

– William, I just HATE your voice so much. Did you know that?

I did. And that was also something interesting about human structure. Vocal chords, the inability to alter the timbre at will. The incapacity to change the ways of speech, the commitment they had with every part of their powerless body. Being in that dimension, stuck to that body, felt more annoying than libertating.

I did not remember that having a humanoid body was so monotonous sometimes. Everything so solid and unchangeable. Mabel seemed to like it though. Both her body and mine seemed to please her, since she liked showing her off so much. And using mine to test her blades.

– I meant  _make_ me some scissors, can you not do that?

It was a rhetorical question. Of course I could do that, everyone knew.

I thought about it. I thought about what the consequences would be. However, I shouldn't have thought, I was going to have do it anyway. I watched her enter her bedroom and come out with something on her hands and I made it. I moved my hand, some blue fire came out, and there it was. The pair of scissors my Madam told me to make. Master Stanford had prohibited me to use my own powers. The mechanical ones, at least. But she liked breaking rules. She always did.

It was like I had three different deals within one larger one. So many different types of bosses. So many different types of commitment.

– Here you go, Madam.

– Thank you, William – she smiled and took the scissors out of my hand. – Can I test them out on you?

She didn't wait for me to answer. She grabbed my hand and pulled it closer to her, quickly running the scissors though the side of my middle finger. I was surprised and felt my blood run through the cut, and saw how delighted she was to see it come out so fast. She looked up so our eyes could meet, and she smiled wider and wider.

She knew it didn't hurt me much. Mabel was a smart human woman.

Mason was interested in the pain, but she wasn't.

She liked the aesthetic.

– Thank you, boo – I watched her leave, and waited for a while until I could go down the stairs. – I love him, okay? I love Gideon.

When she vanished, I remembered what Master Stanford said, stay away from him. Did I have to stay away from her as well? Or were the two of them two different parts of the same creation in the eyes of Stanford? Did he view them differently? Did they not mean the same? Human nature was, more than anything else, calculable. It was not hard to master something after just a few seconds of observation. But Stanford...

It was not pleasant to analyse Stanford. It wasn't that he was selfish in his ways of humanly bringing up Mason. I shouldn't care about anything he caused to my other Master. I shouldn't care about the humans as a whole. I didn't. But something about Stanford seemed to mess with the full idea of being neutral towards them. I had, even if I wanted to ignore them, opinions. I had opinions about him. And  _him_. And her.

And me?

I knew I was coming close and closer to becoming one of them.I never doubted that would happen, spending so much time with those... contagious creatures. So super simple, so easy to copy. So identical to one another. Two eyes. One nose. One heart. One extensive organ named skin which seemed incredibly tempting to peel off. Little differences. Little power. Too feeble to survive any kind of fight against any other kind of creature. They were lucky to be trapped in that safe place they called Planet Earth. If they ever met with any other kind... they would finally notice. How grateful they should be for receiving such shelter.

And maybe they would even quit destroying it with no purpose? Just maybe.

Walking around their house, I could still smell Mabel's sweet aroma. She reminded me of Brother Fill. A little. The way she showed off everything she owned, and the way she made sure everyone knew she was around... that was just like him. Just like my brother.

Mason didn't remind me of anyone. He was slightly more... visibly unstable than other humans. So it was hard to compare him to the beings that were my family. The was he acted around me, and around me only. It was all the proof I needed to know how sensitive humans can be. And how much they can be affected by the outside. Or maybe, the inside.

The way Mason's mind ran and ran. The way it yelled. The way it screamed for help.

I did not miss any of my brothers. Looking around the blue kitchen I so worked in. Looking at the expensive glass cups that would shatter at the slightest fall to the ground... I really did not think anything of them. I didn't miss Pill's humour and funny stories. I didn't miss Kill's mood swings or even Dill's books and music. I didn't. I didn't really care for them anymore. Or maybe I never did.

And I shouldn't do.

The time I spent locked up was not different from complete darkness. And I knew I would never be able to feel pain after that. The betrayal that no puny human would ever be able to survive, the experience that no puny human would  _ever_ be able to take. Missing my brothers would be dumb.

But I did wonder where they were. I did wonder if they had had the same experience as I did. Was I the only Cipher flying through the lost multiverses?

Or had he betrayed my other brothers too?

It was best not to think about it. Maybe that was it. Maybe that was why I had such unwanted opinions. Maybe Mason did remind me of someone. Maybe it was him.

Maybe he reminded me of Bill Cipher.

But he isn't like him, I thought, cleaning the kitchen sink for it to become even shinier than it already was. He saved you. Mason saved you from it.

Mason is the reason you're here. And you love him. Even though you shouldn't. But he saved you, so why would that be a problem.

Why not break these rules just once. Why not.

Why not partake in human love. What was stopping you from doing so.

– Will – I told myself, just as my brothers would say. – I'm visiting X6YK0!& today, do you wanna come along? I know how much you like 18+HK€8.

It was not possible to pronounce the name of Brother Hill's favourite dimension while I had my humanoid body and "vocal chords". So I spoke the closest to the Human English language. "X6YK0!&" I said. Yes. That is close. I might have acted with another human action at the thought of my Brother mentioning 18+HK€8. I did like 18+HK€8. "I do like 18+HK€8" I always answered. "Then 17@*&÷×87" he always replied. "LC ZLROPB" I always replied to his reply. And then we would go. Always. Everyday. And never. All at the same time. Infinity really is a strange concept for human beings to grasp. I don't think you should waste your time...

"PQLM ZXIIFKD ERJXKP ARJY" I told myself, through my head. "YRQ ALK'Q ZXII QEBJ PJXOQ BFQEBO".

Ok, "head", I won't. I know.

I did know.

It didn't take long to wash their kitchen, it never did. Knowing my Masters, I had to wash it every single day. Human blood was hard to wash off metal surfaces, except when it was fresh. And the new products Stanford said I should use would make them stay fresh for longer. I believed.

– Will, Will, Will, which one, which one?

I pointed to the one on the right, smiling wide. But not human smiling. Demon smiling. The difference was extraordinarily big but also not important at all. Hill did not hesitate. He killed it and we both yelled happily. What a fun memory that was, my human toothed smile grew. That product smelled like orange. But not Hill orange. Human orange. It was darker. Hill's orange would blind a human and... eh, that did not matter.

It opened up before it died. The closest to what its structure did, in human language, would be blossoming like a flower. It blossomed. But it also did not blossom at all. It died. It was deleted, ended.

All because of us, I chuckled.

– Please! – all the other ones yelled. – Please don't hurt me!

I could feel my lips itch. It was weird that I remembered that memory so vividly, given that it had happened more than five hundred thousand millenniums before.

– Oh, we're not gonna hurt you – I repeated, with the same tone of voice that I used back then.

The preys smiled, probably feeling relieved. I did not feel bad for them. I never did.

– You're not gonna hurt. You're only gonna be in pain. A lot of pain.

Did that even make sense? It did for me and Brother Hill back them. I killed the prey slowly, laughing a lot but not too much. My brother joined me in the staring at those creatures. So much weaker than us, so much... useless. If all species were as ridiculous as they were, our objective would be so easy to achieve, that it wouldn't even be worth of being called objective anymore. It would just be fate. A miniatured, easily manipulated fate. Stupid.

– Yeah, Kill – yeah! Kill! The echo was strong in our voices when we assumed our natural form. – They bleed as red as you! Even redder!

– Hahahaha, weak!!! – Weak! Pill's echo was even louder! He was always louder. – Are they as soft and fragile as Kill too? Hahaha!!

Kill didn't take that long to punch him. All my other brothers chuckled as Pill fought back, tears in his eye from laughing so much, and Kill, angry as always, pressed him against the floor and threw balls of hellish fire around. They were just so funny sometimes, their fun fights that everyone was always ready for. My favourite brother put his arm around me as we both stared at the scene.

– Yo, Kill's pissed off – Bill yelled, excited as always.

– When isn't he? – I responded. Kill paused his punches to turn to me, eye red like Earth blood, powers charged like forest fire. Pill still laughed. Loudly. And Hill laughed at his laughter.

– Oh yeah,  _Will?!_ – he screamed, louder than Bill spoke, and much less... organised. I smiled and Bill smiled too, at how funny it was to see him nervous. – Then maybe  _I_ should be the one sent to Earth! Why do I have to stick to [redacted] Silverhofnner?! You know I [redacted] HATE that [redacted] place, I am SO [redacted] TIRED of their idiotic beings, I don't know HOW I haven't killed all of their universes yet! [REDACTED]! I can't STAND it!

Stanford didn't allow me to swear in the house, so I censured my brother's words when repeating them back in my head. Bill stepped away from me and pulled Kill up into the air, leaving room for Pill to escape. He was still laughing, that foolish funny brother of mine. Kill would have punched Bill too if Gill hadn't held his fist back, holding his wrists tight.

– Easy there, Kill – Bill laughed. Kill stopped fighting against Gill's strength. – If you're so tired of Silverhofnner... why didn't you tell us sooner?

Pill let out the funniest and loudest laugh ever, and even Dill had a hard time keeping a straight face. I could see the fire burn inside Kill's eye, as he glared at Bill and prepared to yell. He really liked us.

– I'VE BEEN TELLING YOU THAT FOR THE LAST CENTURY, YOU  **JLQEBOCRZHBO**! [REDACTED] YOU, LET GO OF ME! – and we all burst into laughter, as we usually did. Even Dill! Once again, even Dill. Bill looked back at me and winked, and I smiled even more.

– Okay, woooow – he told Kill, massaging his shoulders in order to calm him down (although it didn't really work out). – Here we go, do you wanna deal with humans too?

Kill stared at him, frowned eyebrow.

– There are a lot of universes out there, you know... – he continued, and all of my brothers stopped to listen to him. – We don't really need a dumb order, do we?

Gill nodded, and I felt like he was jealous. I felt like he wanted to be sent to one of the Earth universes too. I felt like he shouldn't.

I didn't like Gillian that much. Or consider him a brother at all. He was... different? Something was off about him. So much less energetic and nefarious than the rest of us... maybe because he was formed 0,0000000000000001 miliPBZLKAP before we were, back when QFJB hadn't been created in the nonexistent RKFSBOPBP. He never thought like us. He never was like us.

– Are you messing with me, Bill? – Kill asked, finally at a volume I nowadays would consider acceptable. – Because if you are, I'm gonna beat the yellow off your face! Again.

– GBBW, calm down, brother! What the hell! – he chuckled.

"Calm down, brother! What the hell!" That one phrase never did leave my head. I had heard Mabel say similar things to Mason.

– You can get a human Earth too! – he concluded. – It's okay, who the hell cares?

He was right. Who the hell cares? His plans were so convincing, and back then I had no idea I would regret leaving him in charge. Why did Dream Demons even need someone in charge?

– I don't freaking care – Kill responded, seeing a nod from Bill.

– I don't freaking care either – said my other brother, still trying to stop laughing. – Go to the Earth and show how Kill can really  _kill_ , brother!

Kill turned to him, and then back to Bill. He had finally stabilised, so Gill let him go.

– So I can get a human universe too?

– Yeah, of course.

Now I knew. Today, I knew. I knew he had been planning to lock me up. And today I noticed. He probably locked up Kill as well.

When I finished washing the kitchen, I poured the new products onto the table to start washing everything again. There weren't many places in that mansion in need of washing, and no one would notice, so who the hell cares? I don't freaking care.

I chuckled, and I shook my head. Today I did care. I laughed at how dumb all those memories were. I wasn't a Dream Demon anymore, I was a butler. I was a human servant. I should care now.

Maybe the magic that Mabel told me to use was causing me to enjoy all those memories. Or maybe not, "who the hell cares?"

I laughed at myself again. I did.

– Thanks... – Kill hesitated to say. But he said it. Bill smiled and patted him on the back twice. He was there for him.

He was there to lock him up for infinity, but he was there. He was always there.

– But if you got mad at Shhjx=ls for being stupid... humans aren't gonna survive a day around you.

Bill flew back to where I was, almost ready to leave. We were almost ready to invade a new reality and edit ourselves into their lives, somehow. We did not know how the addition worked, but it was always exciting to find out. Only more seven hundred human years, and we would invade that dimension.

This dimension was chosen for me. And the addition was writing me into that stupid book. I had no idea how Bill had not deleted all the evidence. I wonder if he made the same mistake locking Kill up. How mad would Kill get if he were stuck and betrayed too...

I heard Master Mason punch his table. Well, Kill's anger was not the one I should be caring about, but maybe...

Maybe none of them were.

I decided to stop thinking, it wasn't hard. It was the power Mabel made me use, I knew that. But the effect would pass. Or maybe it wouldn't.

But remembering my flawed past was not the way to be a good demon servant. That was not the Will the deal asked for.

I did not miss any of my brothers. But maybe I missed myself.


	15. 15. The Deep End

I couldn't tell what time it was when I woke up.  _Hell_ , I couldn't even tell HOW I had woke up. But I knew one thing. I wasn't dead. "Believe it or not, Gideon. You are still alive."

I did not know where I was, but it wasn't heaven. It was hot and suffocating, but it wasn't hell. Everything was dark and strange, but it wasn't the purgatory. It was worse. It was the real world.

It was what I had not prepared for. It was life. Breathing and being alive. It was the biggest challenge one can go through. And it was what I had to face.

Her eyes met mine and my mind spun and spun. The One I had decided to trust was right there. And She was my God. She was the one who would decide my fate.

Would She kill me? Would She let me go? Would She hurt me? What would She do to me?

What would my God do? What would She decide?

There was one single thing I knew she had decided on: She loved me. And She would not let me forget that.

– I love you, you know...

At that point, I had already reached the deep end. There was no way but up. That was the worst thing to ever happen in my life.

And also the last.

Mabel, my God, sat on my lap, stuck to my skin just as much as I was stuck to that chair, those ropes around me. She tied her arms around my neck, pressing Her lips against mine. Softly, but harshly. Being harassed by Her was delicate, it didn't feel wrong. She made it feel right. Her power over me. Her victory over my fate.

Her. Mabel was all. At that moment, Mabel was everything.

She did not pull away. Not before I could feel the cold blade making its way down my arms, cutting me softly. Dying slowly in Her arms. Losing the ability to breathe, moment by moment. I had given up screaming. There was no use in screaming if no one was there to hear me.

Only Her. She could hear me, She could hear me well.

– I'll always love you. I'm the only one who will love you as I do.

It was true. It all was true. Yes, Mabel. Kill me slowly. Make me Yours. My soul, I offer it to You. My heart, it doesn't belong in me. My life? It exists for You. There is no life outside here. There is nothing else besides you.

– I love you too, Mabel.

I felt my head hurt. It seemed like my brain was trying to escape my head. But Mabel would take care of it. She would draw a heart on my skin with Her beautiful blades and my damaged skin, and that would fix everything. That pain, the pain we shared, would fix it. It would change it. It would change it all. And I would laugh. I would laugh with Her and our conjoined laughs would fix everything, because that is what life was. Life was love, and She loved me, with all Her heart and blades. She loved me... She would always love me. She promised. Mabel Gleeful loved me, and I loved my God with all my heart and blood. I loved my God with all my life and death.

– I know – She answered, raising Her right hand and moving it around, not letting go of our embrace. Blue stars flew around. Beautiful blue stars. I smiled.

She smiled at me, and she laughed. Her blue stars laughed too, I could hear them.

And then She cut my wrist. I instantly closed my eyes in pain but smiled straight after. The  _stars_  were there, how could I not?

How could I not smile at the most beautiful thing I had ever seen?

– Look into my eyes, Gideon.

I did. And those were the real stars. The ones Mabel carried in herself. Her blue stars within her colourful eyes. Her magical pair of irises. Her magic. Her Godly magic. Her... I didn't know what, but there was something. Something I was attracted to. Something that kept me there. Loving and admiring my God. Something within that magic, definitely  _something_. I didn't need to know what.

I didn't need to know anything. She knew things for me. And I trusted Her. She had my life.

– Do you see it? – I nodded, smiling. What was I supposed to see anyway? All I knew was, yeah, I saw it... Definitely did...

– I see everything – I laughed loudly. Mabel got off my lap, walking around my chair while laughing along. – I see everything, Mabel!

Should I have called Her that? Or would God fit Her better?

Did She want me to scream again? Was She going to suffocate me gracefully one more time? What was next in that magical moment? What else held me into that powerful instant, closer to Her than ever? And less importantly...

Who was I before? Was I ever someone?

– Exactly – I felt Her hand holding mine, behind my back, where the ropes ended. – You see everything, and what is that everything, little Gideon?

I did not know many things. But I knew what to answer to that question.

My head, my heart, my soul... they all screamed one common answer. The correct one.

– You.

She smiled.

– You are everything.

The pain on my back was enhanced when Mabel hugged me from behind, pulling me towards Her and the chair. And I smiled. That was exactly what it was supposed to feel like.

That was reality for me. That was the end.

– All you hear – She sounded so soft, and the stars got louder and louder every time She spoke. – Is me. All you see. All you feel. All you are.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

– Yes! – I had to laugh. – Obviously!

It was so clear, so obvious! My God walked around the chair again, facing me this time. She was all I could hear, see, feel... what else was there? What else could there possibly be? Deep pain? Complete despair? That was all part of the game.

That was all part of Her! Nothing else made sense! Why did She even have to ask?

– Good.

She said.

– Great!

She continued.

The stars... louder... their shining pieces... so much brighter than before. As I felt my God's lips against mine once more, I closed my eyes. And how I wished that was the last time I closed them. How I wished my last living vision would be the magic of Mabel's eyes. How I wished my last breath would be right before showing Her my love. How I wished She was the last thing I would ever feel. When did I even meet her? Did we meet? Or was I made by Her? Was I always meant to be Hers? What a stupid question. Of course the answer was yes.

Somewhere, underneath all that. Was me. The other me. The me who thought I was crazy. The me who thought She was crazy. But that me did not matter. He was buried deep into my head, and he would not come out.

She would not allow him to come out. He and his yelling... his worrying... He didn't know how to live... he was dead already, it was easier without him.

Maybe he had always been dead. He just didn't know yet.

– What do you know, Gideon? – what DID I know? I knew... I knew... –  _Who_ do you know?

So easy.

– You're all I know, Mabel.

She was.

– I am – She said. – Yes, I am.

There was something about that moment. The intimacy of being that close to Her. Was I even worthy of touching someone so precious? Hell... did I even deserve to  _look_ at her? Was She really meant to be stared at by mere human eyes? Because with a force that big... with power and light that bright... She was not like the others. She was bigger. Far better. Far more special, more stunning. More impressive and worth it.

That's what She was. She was worth it.

All that. Was worth it. And I was thankful for it.

But how did I, another normal male human being in this simple planet we call Planet Earth... have such an amazing chance of adoring someone like Mabel Gleeful?

Why did we, completely average people, get the privilege of being here, lower than Her, so much more than anything we deserved to have. We had to be eternally grateful. I was deeply, deeply, thankful.

Why me? Why us? Why not someone more like Her? But I was glad. I had always been glad.

I had always been thankful.

– Breathe – She whispered in my ears, inducing me to close my eyes breathe again. I did. Deep freeing breaths, just like She had asked. Feeling the air come in, the air come out. I was so focused on my breathing that I didn't even notice when She got a stapler and stapled my two thumbs. As a gesture of love. As a reminder of how much I mattered to Her. After opening my eyes, I stared at Her beautiful creation on my light skin. Maybe I wanted to cry. I just laughed but maybe I wanted to cry. Maybe it hurt a bit but I liked it. Not the pain itself but the feeling of pain. The pain She induced on me.

It was stunning! My hand had never looked so beautiful! Bleeding and with those sharp objects inside my fingers... it was so majestically funny!

Something that could easily happen! Something that could happen in school if a student wasn't paying much attention. Something a teacher could do, an aunt, a friend. Something a father could do, even during work. Something so simple, that She turned into something marvelous. Something so... not natural. And oh, it bled so much. It was so red and it burned so so much.

Being with her burned. All the time. Everywhere. Breathing deeply, thinking of a positive word, holding my hands against one another, closing my eyes... that routine my beautiful God told me to follow, every part of it burned. Deeply and sharply.

She burned. She burned for me.

And hearing her say.

– I love you.

And also.

– Forever.

And.

– Only me. Only I do.

Only She did! And only She had to! There was nothing else, no one else, right?

The me inside of me liked to think that there was... but who needs to listen to him? There's no way to listen to dead people.

– And I... Did you hear that?

What? Her gorgeous flawless tone of voice coming from Her stunning red lips? Yeah, I did.

– What? Your gorgeous flawless tone of voice coming from Your stunning red lips? Yeah, I did...

She touched my lips and looked around, as if she was confused.

– Did I leave the door open? Do you remember?

God Mabel would never do such a thing as a mistake. I believe she had, of course, done the right thing. Whatever that right thing was.

– I believe You have, of course, done the right th...

– Shh – I was silenced. – I need to check something.

She got away from me. The feeling of how wrong it felt to have Her be away from me was the strongest emotion my body allowed me to feel. Where was She going? Did She want me to scream again so She would come back?

"The me inside of me wants to do that."

– Hey – my God looked at me, hand on the door handle, body on the outside area of the room. – Did you tell anyone you were coming here?

Anyone? Who would I ever tell? Who would I allow myself to talk to? And who would my mind care to focus on and remember... Who if not you, my almighty God? Who is not you?

– Anyone? Who would I ever tell? Who would I allow myself to talk...

– What the hell, shut up – she snapped her fingers. My mind shook and I stopped talking, as if She was controlling me not to speak.

Beautifully controlling me not to speak.

– Gideon, did you tell anyone you were coming here? – She asked once again, perfect as always. My head hurt but I had to reply to Her! But had I? Had I told anyone? Was there really such a thing as "anyone"? Was there "someone"?

I heard the me inside of me. He did not know what to say. He did not know anything. He thought he knew a lot. But really. It was all wrong.

Very, very wrong. And I wish he would see that.

But he wouldn't.

He kept hitting my head from the inside, begging me to let him take over. The amount of sin I would be committing if I ever allowed him to set his eyes in the real world again, the purifications I would have to go through...

That  _was_ it for him. The end. He kept trying, he kept struggling. But how could he be so foolish to believe that he could win? What was winning even about?

What the  _hell_ did he want?

– Did you?

Did you? Did I?  _Had_ I?

– I...

– You...

– Did I?

– Did you? – Her timber... Her eyes... She smiled at me, spoke lower and slower. Heaven would forgive me for ever thinking that I could live without her close to me. Heaven would forgive me.

– I...

– Gideon!

Both Mabel and I turned to where the mysterious voice had come from. It was a girl's voice? No, a high voice. A higher voice than most voices. It was far, and it sounded like it was coming from underneath us. I stared at God Mabel, not sure what to do to it. She did not look at me. She simply rolled her beautiful eyes, visibly  _annoyed_... All I wanted to know was  _who_ would have the audacity to cause negative reactions to someone... like Her.

To someone like the only perfect human being in all of existence. The only one.

– Gideon?! Dipper's here!

Dipper? Why was the voice from the way down calling for someone else other than Mabel Gleeful?  _Who_ was Dipper?  _Who_ was Gideon? The Gideon this girl spoke was not the Gideon God Mabel spoke. It could not possibly be the same thing. They could not both be my name.

Who was the owner of that voice and why did she have the disgusting decision to steal words from Her mouth... What was she thinking...

– I'll be back. Breathe.

So I did. I obeyed her, of course. Why wouldn't I? Mabel left and I closed my eyes as soon as She closed the door. It was clear. She was going to fight the voice that came from the way down. It was Her enemy. It was Her obstacle, Her only and every worry in the world. It showed how much more special she was... having to be dared and defied by all those different insensitive beings.

I couldn't hear Her anymore after She went down the stairs. My hands hurt more and more and they were tied behind my back once again, just how She liked them to be. The mysterious voice spoke again and I think it said something directly to Mabel, but I could not hear quite well. The breathing exercise, I remembered. I have to listen to my breathing and my breathing only. I have to do as She tells me, until pain can no longer bother me. Until I can feel my heart beat, until I can see the world spin.

"Mabel?!" I think I heard. Was the voice loud or was the breathing wrong? I shut my eyes even tighter, ignoring what was happening. I did hear low noises but I painted them as ignorable. Maybe it didn't even say that but it's what my mind heard.

What my mind spoke, however, was quite different.

I tried my best to focus on my breathing. I tried my best not to fail Her. But something in my head kept yelling at me, keeping me unfocused. Like a though. Like a lot of thoughts. And ignoring it wasn't helping it, but only making it worse.

I knew it was me. I knew it was the other me. I knew it was my fault, even though it wasn't. And She was going to be disappointed in me. If I didn't fix it.

"STOP" the other me yelled. "STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP STOP. IT HURTS. IT HURTS SO MUCH".

I did not know what he was referring to? Was it the tight rope holding our wrists close together? Was it all the hand bruises? Was it the scratches on our legs, the red eye... the pierced ear? Did he even know what he was talking about? Did he really know what it was that hurt?

Was it the knowledge that we were failing our perfect God? Or was he still faithless?

"What hurts?" I thought, even though I shouldn't have. I stopped thinking and went back to feeling. The breathing. Feel the breathing. Breathe deeply, in and out.

And he just screamed. He wouldn't stop screaming. I rolled my eyes, I think, trying to ignore the loudness happening inside my head. Our head? He just wasn't used to being lost inside a faithful live creature, he had spent years inside a dead body anyway.

"LET ME GO, STUPID. WHY ARE YOU SO DUMB?" he cried. "YOU THINK YOU'RE SO SMART, WHY DO YOU THINK THAT?"

He cried more. Although he was not there in a physical sense, you could still easily detect the tears in his voice. He  _really_  hurt. He  _really_ wanted me to let go.

I wonder how lost you have to be to ask for someone who's found to let themselves go. I wonder  _how selfish_ one has to be. How jealous.

I wonder how broken he was. Probably very.

I heard a loud noise. The breathing was completely cut off once I heard the door in front of me open brutally. I was surprised to find out it was not Her. I was saddened to discover that it was not my God.

"W-WHAT? IT HURTS SO SO MUCH. PLEASE SAVE ME, I LOVE YOU SO MUCH".

The owner of the voice was in front of me. She was slightly shorter than Mabel. Her eyes were slightly lighter than Mabel's, her hair was blonder, but about the same length. She did not look or feel as marvelous as my flawless God did. She was another mere human like I was. But she wore a headband just like Mabel's. With the same blue stone that Mabel had...

– Gideon! – she yelled that word. Again, it didn't sound the same as when Mabel said it. It didn't even sound like English when someone imperfect said it.

"PACIFICA PACIFICA PACIFICA PACIFICA".

Is that her name? Do worthless humans like her get a name?

And where is  _She_?

– Oh God, are you okay? – she came running to me, and I closed my eyes as quickly as I could so I could restrain myself from looking at her. I could  _not_ betray my God like that. Never look sideways. – Gideon? Talk to me, please?

"PACIFICA PACIFICA PACIFICA OPEN YOUR EYES YOU IDIOT".

I did not react. I could not scream. Not for her. Not for anyone wrong. She untied my hands, and somehow lifted me up from the chair without even touching me. Breathe, breathe, breathe, feel the Earth spin. Feel it spin. Don't let your head wander.

– Gideon, come ON! – she opened my eyes in command. Somehow. I noticed the blue aura around me, and that she, that mere human, was controlling me. Just as Mabel could do.

I was not touching the ground. And with that power thief in front of me, all I could think was: where is Mabel where is Mabel where is Mabel.

"WHERE IS MABEL IS SHE GOING TO HURT PACIFICA PACIFICA PLEASE SAVE YOURSELF PLEASE HAND HER HER HEADBAND BACK YOU DO NOT NEED THAT YOU DO NOT NEED POWERS BUT PLEASE SAVE YOURSELF PLEASE SAVE YOURSELF".

– Are you... Are you BLEEDING? – she put me down.

Am I bleeding. Where is Mabel.

– Gideon, please? What did she do to your head, what did she DO!

What did She do. Where is Mabel.

– Please. Please – her eyes got bigger. – Please say you're there, please do.

Please say I'm here... I'm...

"I'M HERE".

Where is Mabel.

"I'M HERE PACIFICA".

Where  _is_ Mabel.

"I PROMISE YOU I'M HERE I'M ALWAYS HERE".

She promised too.

"I'LL ALWAYS BE HERE".

She said the same thing.

My eyes closed again. Not power. Impulse. My eyes shut in impulse. My head turned around. I felt the Earth move. Finally. It worked. The breathing worked.

I felt it spin.

I felt it all. I felt the thief's hand on my bloody arms. I felt the staples inside my skin cut deeper and deeper. I felt my mouth taste bitter and sweet at the same time. I felt my eyes move by themselves.

I felt everything. Except her by my side.

And that was the pain I was  _not_  happy about.

– Be here? Be  _here_? You'll always be  _where_? What are you on about, Mabel? What are you saying, why that. Why that, Mabel, where are you?

– Gideon?? What are you saying, what did she do to you? Is this BLOOD?

Be here. She would always be here. Maybe She was inside me all along. Maybe it all was Her. Maybe we all were Her. Maybe She never did exist in front of me, and it was all my head. Making up a single physical manifestation of an abstract being.

Maybe Mabel. Was all. Maybe I was Mabel.

Maybe the blonde girl was Mabel.

Maybe the other me was Mabel.

Maybe that "Dipper" was Mabel.

Maybe all was Mabel.

– Gideoooon – she started crying and shaking me from side to side, with probably a weird objective I did not understand. – Gideon, please!

"PACIFICA".

– Gideon! – she kept calling. And maybe, just maybe, Mabel wanted me to listen. For what other reason would that girl be speaking that name so much...

Maybe Mabel wanted me to let him go.

Maybe She wanted me to let him be with that mere human.

Because the mere human, was also part of her.

So I let go.

– Pacifica!

– Gideon!

Pacifica held me close, my body shaking and mind shaking even more. I hugged her back with the strongest grip I could manage, and I was thankful.

What had happened to me. Why had that happened to me.

– Gideon! What the hell! – she yelled. And I wanted her to yell. I deserved it. I didn't even care.

Because I had died. I had died and come back.

– I love you so much, Pacifica! – I replied. I don't know how my voice worked. I don't know how, after being out of control for so long, I could control my own speech. I did not know. – I love you!

– I love you too, Gideon, but what the hell! – we pulled away and I could see the small tears leaving her beautiful hopeful eyes. I loved her so much. – What happened?!

I was so thankful. For being able to see those hopeful eyes again.

– Why weren't you answering?! Why are you bleeding? Why are you here?

Those were too many questions for me to try to explain to her. I could not. Not in that state of mind. Not after going through what I had.

Not after dying like that.

– W - What did you mean Dipper's here?

– He is. But he was not where he should have been.

 _Dipper_. When the faithful being took power over my body, I even  _forgot_ about that name. Dipper. Was he the reason all had happened? Was he the reason Pacifica was there?

Or should I stop blaming him for it all. I could not believe it. But at the same time, I could.

– Pacifica,  _why_ are you here? And where's Mabel?

_Where was she._

_Where was Mabel._

_She said she'd always be there._

_I hope she would not._

_What had Pacifica done to her._

_And what could I do. To protect her. From her._

– Okay, we really need to leave, Gideon. Come here, can you walk?

I forced myself out of Pacifica's arms, testing to see if I could balance myself on the floor. My left leg hurt like it was badly injured. But maybe it was psychological.

My best friend wrapped her arm around me to help me stand up.

– I had a date thing with Dipper today. My idea.

 _Of course_ , I thought. That's why she came here. We started walking in the direction of the open door, and I could just  _feel_ Mabel's presence somewhere. Like she was the dragon inside the castle. Like she could attack us at any moment. If we weren't focused enough.

– After you went missing, I decided to still come to the date. But don't think that I'm selfish! My objective was to ask Dipper and Mabel for help.

After I went... missing? What was she talking about... I had been in that state for... minutes? Maybe some hours?

– When I walked in and saw your hat on one of the tables downstairs, I knew something was wrong. I knew you'd be here.

Pacifica started guiding me down the stairs and for the first time, the pain on my legs was stronger than that on my hands and arms. My hat fell after Mabel tied me up and covered my mouth. To think that they would leave evidence like that... close to the main entrance...

There was  _so much_ to process. I went "missing". Pacifica went looking for help, and coincidentally found clues. And then suddenly Mabel disappeared and Pacifica showed up with her powers in the room and... nothing added up.

Maybe that weird me was still present. Still breathing deeply, still feeling the planet spin. Maybe he was still there... keeping me from rationalising. Keeping me from reality.

– Oh Gideon, I'm just so happy that you're okay. I'm so happy.

Why. Why was that happening. What was happening. Why was she acting like that. I understand that I had been badly injured but still... why did it move Pacifica so much.

Once again. Why was the question. The main question.

– Pacifica.

– Yes? – I could  _hear_ her smile. – I know, must be weird after all this, it's alright.

– How long? – I asked. – How long did I go missing for?

And we were still going down the stairs. And I would not  _ever_ expect what was waiting for me on the bottom of them.

– Three days – she said. Three... – Melody was so worried. And I was too.

Three days. Three days that felt like one hour to a lifeless body. Three days that probably messed up my aunt's mind. Three days that probably traumatised everyone who ever cared about me. Three days that made me realise how relative and absolute everything is. At the same time.

How selfish I was. The trauma was not only mine.

It was everyone's. I wasn't the only one affected by the Gleeful twins.

Three days.

– There he is.

I looked at him after Pacifica stopped walking. There he was,  _indeed_. Standing near the front door like he was innocent. Like he had nothing to do with all that.

There was Dipper Gleeful, who my mind really did  _not_  want to remember. There he was...

– What the  _hell_  – I could not filter myself well enough not to express pure anger at that moment. – What the hell, WHAT the HELL!

Dipper and Pacifica seemed to allow me to swear at them like that. I could not  _believe_ what was happening. I didn't understand anything but I kinda didn't want to?

He kept just standing there, looking at Pacifica with a confused expression. Acting, as always.

– Screw you, Dipper Gleeful, screw you! – I let go of Pacifica's arms, in a movement that even I could not predict. My legs did not resist the big steps I took to try to hit Dipper from afar, so I fell. What had Mabel  _done_ to my legs? What had the dumb breathing done to  _me_?

– Wow, hey, be careful – both of them quickly came to pick me up. Dipper held my shoulders and helped Pacifica balance me against her, but I pushed his hands away. – Hey, sorry. Trying to help.

Pacifica didn't get angry at me for being seemingly "rude" to Dipper. Maybe she didn't want to focus on that subject in that particular fragile moment... or maybe she, deep down, knew. Maybe a part of her felt everything that happened to me and knew that I was not fully in control.

– Thank you so much, Dipper.

There was  _so much_ that she had to explain. There were  _so many_ doubts.  _So many_ unexplained actions. Why the  _hell_ would she thank him? She knew, she  _knew_ , she could not  _deny_ that I had been kidnapped and brought into that house, where I was tortured, and killed.

Pacifica  _knew_. She had seen it! Why was she acting as if none of that was his fault? What had he done to her? I was scared of what I'd find outside that house. After being trapped for so long.

They stopped for a moment. Perhaps they were waiting to see if I'd say something. Or perhaps they were just waiting for me to completely stabilise my posture, so it'd be safe for me to walk.

Or perhaps my notion of time was still screwed, and no seconds had passed.

They kept staring at one another, giving me a couple looks here and there. I did not speak. I could not speak. My mind was too fully empty for me to try producing any sounds.

Seeing them like that. Seeing everything that I didn't understand. It felt like I would've rather stay dead.

– Gideon – he said.  _He_ said. I closed my eyes in complete disgust.

I wasn't scared of him anymore. Maybe I'd become terrified again after the trauma had passed. But at that moment, all I wanted was to understand what was going on. And not be scared of him like a wimp.

– Gideon, I'm sorry – he spoke, and I  _could not believe_. – I'm sorry for my sister's actions. I had no idea.

He lied. I stared at Pacifica and tried to show her how extremely  _shocked_  I was to hear that. I wanted him to see how sarcastic I was being. I just wanted him to hate everything about having to pretend to apologise to me.

– You had no idea? You didn't hear me screaming?

I could not believe it. I could not believe Pacifica was trusting him, even though his sister had done that to me. What sick lie had he stuck in her head now? What sick joke was he playing?

– Dipper wasn't home these days, Gideon – I heard Pacifica's voice, thankfully. – He and his butler spent these last days in the Tent of Telepathy, working on some details for the show.

– Yeah, we're planning a special edition.

 _Special edition_. That man was  _sick_.

– What? – I interrupted. – I cannot believe how irrational the two of you are. So you're aware that Mabel has committed a  _crime_ , right?

They did not speak for a while.

– I hope this doesn't come off as rude – he began. – But did you not consent to her actions?

Did I not... consent?

– What?

I couldn't breathe suddenly. I tried to remember all the exercises Mabel had taught me but none of them seemed to work well. He asked me if I had  _consented_? To the crime that killed me in the head? To the biggest trauma I had ever gone through?

Had I  _consented_ to being killed?

– You think that he consented?

– I... I'm not sure.

Breathing. It's not as easy as the living make it sound.

– I'm just... It's hard for me to think that my sister would ever... do anything like that.

Pacifica's expression melted, like she felt bad for him. I had no hopes anymore. I knew all that was going nowhere.

I almost gave up on trying.

– Oh, Dipper – she started. – I'm sure she's... not evil... right? I just... what she did was really bad.

Where was she. Where was Mabel at that time.

– But I... – I could hear she was hurt. For some reason, he was hurt. – I don't know, I don't know what to think...

Dipper put his hand on Pacifica's shoulder. The one that was further away from me.

– Thinking doesn't feel natural after all this drama – he lied, as if he wasn't aware of anything. As if  _he_ was the real victim. Pacifica smiled, and I had no idea what to do.

He placed a kiss on her cheek in the period I wasted being confused. I didn't give a hell about that, to be honest.

– I think you should take Gideon back to his aunt. She's probably dead worried. Try explaining everything to him if you can.

Pacifica nodded.

– I will. Thank you.

They kept smiling. Just like I wasn't there.

– Let Mabel go – she said, removing the headband that she had stolen from Mabel, probably with his help, and handed it to him. – But please. Talk to her.

She sounded mature. She sounded serious. And that wasn't as good as I thought it would be.

She was hurt, definitely changed by what happened to me. It was all different now.

– She's not evil – he said. – She can't be.

I could feel his eyes almost tearing up. What was Dipper Gleeful trying to do to me... I couldn't stand it anymore...

– There's always evil in the good somewhere, Dipper – she replied, and he didn't seem to like what he heard. – Just as there's always good in the evil. And we can always try to find it.

Pacifica used to tell me that all the time. But I never understood what she meant.

– Go – he spoke, acting getting ridiculously convincing. – I'll fix things.

– I'll fix... this situation. His aunt is so worried. And his parents too.

I even ignored the fact that they had told my parents. I ignored the wonder of whether they cared or not. Ignoring was the best I could do.

"Let's go" was all I could hear Pacifica saying. As we walked away from that logicless situation that the whole world seemed to be involved in, I regretted everything

I knew I was gonna die. I just wanted to stop having conscience once I did.

I didn't know what the world wanted from me. But it had just lost the Gideon Pines I was. It had just lost him to death.


	16. 16. Carpet Diem

There was a moment I realised how stupid my sister really was. It wasn't even funny at that point, kidnapping one of her "possible loves" and torturing him with her special abilities she got to learn? What even was she thinking? What were her objectives, did she even have plans? How could someone like her be related to someone like me.

    Besides all the angry I had to pretend to be, I did think what she did was kinda funny. Very funny even.

– I cannot believe you, sister – and she giggled. Her eyes stared at me like she was proud of her doings.

– Do you mean that as a good or a bad thing?

That  _was_ a good question. Even I didn't know.

– What do you want it to be?

She smiled, sarcastically.

– Stanford is mad at you, you know – I said, even though it wasn't true. – You should really let your brother take care of things in the future. For your own good.

– He's really not – he really wasn't. – And why would I let a man take care of the things I'm perfectly capable of doing?

I could hear the sweet anger in her voice, how much she wanted me to be mad about hearing that. I loved it when she cursed me, when she called me names. I really liked that.

– Hm... – I started, just searching in my head which of the thousands of rude thoughts I could say to her. – You didn't really handle  _that_ well, did you?

She kept brushing her hair and staring into her mirror, not once looking back to see me.

– Yes, I did? – I wonder if her sarcastic tone of voice ever bothered Stanford... – I don't know what you mean.

– Mabel, come on – I laughed, leaning back against the wooden door in her room. – You tortured and killed all the guys you've ever loved.

– I never loved anyone before him.

– Why didn't you kill him?

– Because I never loved anyone before him.

Out of all the subjects that Mabel ever talked about, love was definitely the least interesting and involving one. Who the  _hell_ knew how that dumb thing worked. She didn't, it seemed.

– So you really weren't planning on killing him? Right.

– I wasn't – she turned to me for the first time during that conversation. – I told you, Dipper. I told you I was  _not_ going to kill this one. You remember that very clearly.

I did. I did remember her promising that for the first time. I always remembered every dumb thing my lovely sister said. I always remembered most dumb things. Most things, to be more exact. Always.

I just was always sure that she would break that promise. And I still believed she would.

– You really meant that? – I asked, although I already knew the answer. Yes, she replied, I always mean what I say. I shook my head and she turned back to the mirror, once more ignoring my physical presence. I wondered what else I could say to make her angry.

But she spoke first.

– If you love someone, set them free. Isn't that what they say...

I could not believe her words. I chuckled.

– So you  _meant_ to let him go, did you?

– Yeah, I did, obviously – her red lipstick was reapplied by her gorgeous long hands. – You really think I'd let that dumb blonde do anything to me if I didn't have plans?

What she said about Pacifica Southeast was absolutely correct. She  _was_  dumb, and she was falling for every single trick. And Gideon Pines, the only one smart enough to balance the two of them, was too weak to do anything whatsoever.

Such an easy lure, that Pacifica. Sometimes I wondered if it was even worth it wasting my time with her.

– And what  _were_ your plans exactly? You always make fun of me having plans...

– That's because mine are smart and you just have a need for them. Yours are not natural.

If she wanted my opinion, nothing in life was natural. Especially me, the only person born with magic in the entire world. But she didn't want my opinion, so it didn't matter to her.

– I knew you were with her – she began, making sure that I would hear everything by almost  _yelling_ everything annoyingly. – I don't want to know what your intentions with her are, but it's very clear that you too have built a... fake relationship.

– How do you know it's fake? – I wanted her to be mad. Of course it was fake and of course she knew that, but I just wanted her to have to justify herself more and more.

She rolled her eyes, I could see it on the mirror.

– Ignoring that – my first instinct was to laugh, and she was dead serious. – Trapping Gideon Pines like I did to most of those... worthless boys... wasn't the right thing to do.

– What differs him from all the others? All the other boys you took to the same chair in that same dark room. What is new about him, what makes him not like other guys?

I saw her close her lip gloss, not putting it back in the same place, and that made my head a little bit annoyed. She turned her chair back to the door, gracefully and slowly, like she was getting started to talk for hours.

I too could spend hours talking about how Gideon Pines was not like other guys. Because even if all guys were pathetic, he somehow had the capability of being much more pathetic than the others. He had that magic. That amazingly stupid way of being powerless.

But I wondered what my sister thought... If there was something we had in common, it was the disgust for most people. Especially men, as it should be.

She was insane, she had to be.

– Dipper, dearest brother – I loved and hated that. – You must learn a thing or two about love.

– No way – it was my turn to roll my eyes.

– It's unexplainable, Dipper – said Mabel. – It's not measurable, you jerk. It never will be.

If something was not measurable, if something was not physically of worth, then why did it matter again? Would I ever understand what she wanted to say? And would it freaking matter?

– Gideon was the first. He was the first one who did what I asked him to do – I wonder why. – He was the first to close his eyes and breathe. He's the one who drove himself to that state. All I had to do was speak. And be there for him.

Mabel always tried to make her own magic up. Since I was the one born with powers, she must have made up in her mind that she was capable of "developing" certain "tricks", as she said. I did not have details on her torturing method and why she did it, what her objectives were. But seeing how red Pines' eyes were and how hard it was for Pacifica to carry him out of the mansion, I could easily tell that that was the first time she was able to complete the trick. Poor Gideon, it really had to be him, huh?

– No one ever listened to me. None of the other ones. But he did.

– That's because he was terrified, Mabel! Don't you get it?  – I smiled. She tried to speak but I interrupted her before she could begin. – You're stunning, my sister, but you're too much for boys like him! You need a man that's on your level, both mentally and physically. Boys like him need someone to take care of them, softly and sweetly, so they can begin their comfortable useless lives running away from all their fears. You're smart enough to know that you intimidate them. You always will.

I did not care if that hurt her. I did not care if it sounded like all she was was physically attractive. Because I knew that was not what I meant. And that's what I cared about.

What she cared about, on the other hand, was what she "knew". Or what she thought she knew

– You are so insensitive, you know? – I knew. – So you can go and date whoever you want, but there's a rule for me?

That was not what I wanted her to focus on.

– Mabel, the girls I've been with were all planned by m-

– Exactly.

She interrupted me.

– There's a plan, Dipper. There always is.

Was there? Could anything be considered a plan? I hoped so.

– With us, there's always a plan. We can't live without them.

The Gleeful twins and their only weakness, a strong need for planning ahead. A strong incapability of letting the universe run its course. I read that in her head. Her thought was so strong that it ignored my current state of mind and spoke inside my head loudly.

I didn't remember how loud mind reading could be. My ears even hurt a little.

– So let me have mine. And I'll let you have yours.

– That's how it's always been.

I said that but I did not believe in it.

– Just make sure our plans don't interfere with one another.

– I will, brother. I will.

Mabel went back to her initial position, staring at her beautiful makeup and extraordinarily symmetrical face. I kept looking at her, like I always did.

I did not know what else to say to her. But without Will to distract me from my own mind, I could not spend time alone with my journals. Or with Stanford.

So I stood there. With the person I was made with. With the person I was doomed to live with and love, if only life hadn't been hard on us.

I stood with the person who, despite everything, was my sister.

She would always still be my sister.

–  At that point, it wasn't even him anymore – I agreed. – Keeping him here wouldn't do anything.

I smiled, even if I didn't mean it. Even if I didn't know if I meant it.

She smiled back, I could see it on the mirror.

– You know what they say, Dipper. You can't force someone to love you. The best you can do is strive to be someone worthy of loving.

I shook my head.

– What? Who said that?

– I don't know, someone probably said it.

We did not laugh, but we shared a common feeling. We both pitied each other.

She pitied the fact that I did not love. And I pitied the fact that she did.

So she stood there. With the person she was made with. With the person she was doomed to live with and love, if only life hadn't been hard on us.

She stood with the person who, despite everything, was her brother.

I would always still be her brother.

– The fact that he wasn't himself anymore... – I started.

I felt like she was happy to hear me speak? But maybe that was false hope speaking.

– Does that mean your trick is working? Or the opposite?

She laughed.

– The opposite – I nodded. – It needs help, it's still a rough draft.

– It's hard depending on someone else to do something – it was true. – You must know what that is like.

– What's that supposed to mean? – she asked,  although she already knew the answer. – You mean how you depend on me, right?

She laughed, and I could not control my angry expression, apparently.

– Oh, men and their hilarious need for superiority – she smiled. – Just one little word and your heads go insane. It's so funny.

I did not care about that. I could not convince Mabel of anything, because she already knew. And she wouldn't want to listen.

Mabel got up from her chair, finally. She walked through her large yet unorganised bedroom, right towards me. She fixed her headband with Will's amulet on it, but I did not know whether that action meant anything.

– I have one trick. One trick that can fix you.

There was a lot to fix, I could not deny. But what could she mean?

– Fix what?

– Let's see who depends on who.

Her hand went to the top of my head, and I thought that was a well-developed joke. Mabel kept smiling at me, not changing her expression, and I felt absolutely nothing as she fixed the demon curse. I could see the future again, and mind reading was no longer a broken ability. I didn't know how my sister had developed powers that could compete against Will's, and I wanted to ask him about it. He always knew everything.

– Better? – she asked, but I did not hear. – I was planning on doing this before, but seeing you powerless for a bit was fun.

But again, I also didn't hear that. I was having an intrusive vision that wouldn't allow me to use my body's senses, and it took about ten seconds for it to finish. My head hurt and hurt and then I spoke.

– Red. Red is angry and alone. Blue is crying, red is crying. Red is sad. Sad and angry and alone. Alone. Alone.

– Okay, come back – When I could see again, Mabel still had that smile on her lips. – Colours? You must be getting overwhelmed.

She asked about colours but I did not understand. I had already forgotten about the vision.

– I cannot believe this – I said, I really couldn't. – Wow, how?

– Impressed? – she asked, touching her hair stunningly.

– For once, I am – I replied. – Very impressed.

– I read a lot, brother.

She really did.

Honestly, I was more intrigued than impressed. Pride was part of what I felt for her, along with other confusing emotions. The fact that she managed to do that all by herself did annoy me slightly, although I expected her to be smart. Obviously.

But she fixed my powers, and having them back hurt more than not having them, my brain punched my head from the inside.

– Thank you, sister.

– You're welcome, brother.

That was one of the only times we shared gratefulness for each other, I thought. I could read her mind again, it was freeing.

– Stop thinking about Pines – she smiled. This time, I hated that smile.

– Never – she whispered, laughing loudly right after. Her thoughts of Gideon Pines were disgusting. She imagined him showing his teeth, touching his hair, running with her. All the meaningless actions couples tended to notice about one another.

And again, she made me sick to the core. It was still hard to believe Mabel was not going to kill a man she promised to love, I still wanted to puke at the thought of them together, and the same old questions remained: What? Why him?

– My dear sister, always falling for the weak ones... – I joked. Maybe she just craved superiority, too.

– Take that back.

– Take what back?

– Take it back, he's not weak! – she replied. – He's just sensitive, is all. If I wasn't so busy I'd visit him and say I love him very much and can protect him.

Gideon would be too idiotic to try to understand that her objectives were "loving" him and "protecting" him.

– Busy with brushing your hair or putting on lipstick? – she rolled her eyes at my question. – Well, I'm not busy, so can I visit him and pester him?

– Don't you have "plans"? – she asked.

– Yeah, many – I replied. – And one of them involves going to the Mystery Shack to hang out with a certain someone.

I could almost hear her making fun of me in her head. The way she slowly smiled and moved her head sarcastically made me wonder why Gideon would not consent to being tortured by someone like her. Getting close to Pacifica so I could hurt Gideon wasn't one of my most important plans, but it was definitely the funniest one. And seeing how she said yes to every date I asked her to...

– You can do your disgusting plans, but if I can't kill Pacifica, you can't be bad to Gideon. – I laughed. – He's probably still hurt from the effects so he won't like you showing up to his house.

– Hm, my point exactly? – Mabel rolled her eyes, and her mind went back to the only thing she cared about as much as she currently cared about Gideon: work. – And, killing Pacifica? Why is that part of your plans?

– It's really not, yet. But it could be.

She giggled, and I smiled at her, knowing that if she killed Pacifica anonymously, the fault would be thrown at me.

Maybe her plan was not to see Pacifica drown, but me.

I closed Mabel's door, leaving her alone to do whatever research Stanford asked her to do, and totally ignoring the things he told me to study. As I walked to my office, two text messages from one Pacifica Southeast. "Of course!" one of them said. "When do I pick you up?"

I wished I could read people's minds through technology. And I wished the future vision repairing itself didn't hurt so much.

But I did not need them to know exactly what Pacifica was thinking. And exactly what the future would be like.

"Seven" I replied. She said okay and sent me a couple of emoticons, but I did not respond. I went inside the office, ready to choose what perfect outfit for that situation would be. Although she would compliment me despite the shirt I was wearing, despite the shoes I chose. The reverse of Mabel, I suppose. Who told me to wear suits and made fun of what I wore all the time.

I saw William when I opened the door. He was cleaning, even though I had told him that I prefer doing my own cleaning at my office, and he did not look at me.

But he knew it was me.

– Guess what – I called, walking towards the closet doors in the room. – My powers are back.

William did not seem surprised. And he did not seem to want to reply. William did not seem to enjoy anything at that moment, really.

– That's fortunate, Master.

He replied. And I knew that he replied only because the subject was related to my powers. I knew that had it been anything else, he would not have replied.

– He's not here, you know – I looked at every single dark shirt I found, trying to make my choice. – Stanford is out for the whole day.

Will was quiet. He just stood in silence for some seconds, looking around the room and the objects he was cleaning.

– He is. He went out – repeated Will.

– Doesn't that mean that I'm in charge today?

I knew it didn't. But I hoped he didn't know it didn't.

He was still speechless, and I had never thought I would see him like that, not knowing what to do. He allowed himself to leave the room, and I was not glad he did.

– Of course, Master – he said before he left. – I should not have cleaned your office, I apologise.

William lied and left the room, using my own words against me as if he didn't know what I meant to tell him. Before he completely closed the door, I warned him:

– I can read your mind, William.

Night fell and I was ready for my date, which I decided to refer to as "meeting". Meeting with one girl. Meeting with a weak girl who thought she was "chosen", but in reality, meant nothing to no one. I decided to wear black trousers and a purple button up shirt, so that I wouldn't be known for only wearing blue. I combed my hair back and tried to look as presentable as I possibly could, knowing that I was incredibly smart and strategic, and that I had to look my best, although it did not entirely matter.

Fights are different when the main weapon is yourself, they really are.

Pacifica was six minutes late, just as my future vision said she would be. I noticed she didn't have much sense of distance, or time itself. Maybe her head was more creative than senseful. I walked down the stairs to greet her, and from how healthy and well-rested she looked, I imagined that Gideon Pines was recovering, and that all the drama had passed. She didn't have blood in her eyes anymore, her hair was colourful again, she was her again, although it did not entirely matter. It was just an observation.

I could see her long blonde hair, braided with colourful ties around it. She had a wide smile and she spoke to Will, who had opened the door for her, as if he was an old friend of hers. She also had a jumper on top of a pink dress, which did not strike me as the most fashionable choice, but it would contrast well with my dark clothing. Will pointed at me as soon as he saw me and Pacifica followed his guidance. She froze her eyes on me, and I waved politely. She didn't wave back, but she did smile. Her braces were extremely colourful, I noticed again. But somehow, it went well with her. She went well with herself, despite her strange choices and incompetent head. I finished walking down the stairs and went in her direction, and Will said he would leave and went to another room, leaving me alone with the prey.

– Hello, Southeast – I grabbed her hand and kissed it gently. She stared at me with wide eyes and tried to hide how happy she was. But she couldn't. I had understood everything, she couldn't mask it anymore.

– Hi, Dipper! I'm happy you asked me out again! I mean, can I call it asking out? I mean, please, give me a second, I can do this.

Pacifica then put me in a situation which had never happened before. After I agreed, she turned around and breathed deeply about three times, leaving me confused. She turned back to me.

It was funny. I cannot deny.

– Phew, I'm okay now. Let's do this again, hi!

– Hi, Pacifica – I smiled – how are you?

And then, it was working. All of it was. And it would continue to work. We talked for some time and then went out together. I actually had no idea where to take her, so she chose the diner in which Robert Corduroy worked. I accepted going there, thinking it would be weird to see Robbie again after not mocking him in such a long time. I hoped Wendy wouldn't be there with him, so that she wouldn't see me with Pacifica.

She did talk a lot. After being part of that fake connection for a short but memorable time, I knew how to deal with her already. I had to laugh, always laugh, because a funny guy is what her heart desired. I also had to make her laugh, so she could see how amusing I really was and fall in love with me faster. And that was why I hated couples so much. I laughed at her jokes again.

I never was a talkative person, but she seemed to master the act of conversation in a way I had never seen anyone do. She spoke about random things and asked about even more random things, so there was no way for anything to go wrong, there were no mistakes to make. And every time she asked me what my "favourite" something was, I had to either make it up or have her laugh at me for not having a favourite. She was so incredibly different from Gideon Pines, and my mind didn't make it clear if that was a positive thing or not.

We arrived at the diner, me with her by my side, holding onto my arm like they did in the movies. Robbie was there, and his manager was very angrily yelling at him. Apparently, he was late. And the reason was obvious.

– Work drama going on? – I said. Pacifica sipped her milkshake and replied:

– Must be. Do you ever have that?

– Work drama? – I asked. – My whole work is a drama, Southeast. Drama is a work.

I believe she understood. After watching my show, how could she not?

Pacifica did not ask about Mabel. I had already lied to her on the phone about that whole situation. And unsurprisingly, Pacifica believed it. And she believed  _in Mabel_. She said that she trusted Mabel could get better, that she could "find the light" or something. She thought Mabel could actually change, she wholeheartedly believed in that.

Even after all that Gideon must have had told her, she still believed in someone like Mabel.

I smiled at her, still drinking the blue milkshake she had chosen for us. She seemed to be moved by my action, also unsurprisingly. I was thinking about something to say, but she was faster.

– Hey, how come you and Mabel live all alone with that butler? Aren't you seventeen?

That was apparently not an unusual question, as all of my last partners had asked me the same thing. I did not know what was about them, needing to know what did not matter. Needing to know that which would not make any difference in their personal lives. Hiding Stanford's existence was his choice, not mine. So dealing with having to explain that was annoying.

– Oh, you know – I started, completely unsure of whether she did know. – Dead mum, abandoned by father, all that disaster I said that damaged Mabel.

She nodded, like she always did in response to serious subjects like those. Pretending that mother's death and father leaving had damaged Mabel was  _so_ funny to me. I adored every part of lying to Pacifica.

– William is paid to take care of us.

– And who pays him?

– Distant cousin, lives in England – I lied again. – He can't take care of us.

She smiled, nodding again.

– I like William – she said. – He reminds me of someone.

I stared at her, clueless.

– Who?

– I'm not sure, but I feel like I've seen him before – I nodded. – Or someone similar.

Not many have the privilege of physically resembling William, that's for sure.

– But it might be just my head.

I smiled at her, knowing it was  _definitely_ her head. Her weird aloof head, which escaped my understanding of human nature. Of the dumb part of human nature, definitely. I asked.

– Maybe it was a model or something. He's really pretty.

– Not as much as you.

I kept staring at her, and her cheeks went even more red from complimenting me. I held my smile and she held hers. She did not take it back, she did not cover her face. So I said it back.

– Not as much as you either.

Not many things happened on that night. But a lot happened as well. It was late when I started walking her home, and we would have spent even more time together if it hadn't been for Pines calling her non-stop. She, of course, was worried for him still, and I could see that.

She had changed in that group of days. But she was also the same as always. I knew it...

The Mystery Shack was still open, as it seemed. The lights on the outside were still bright, despite the time on the clock. The wood just looked so old, I wondered how it stayed up.

– I'm no architect so I can't really say anything.

Pacifica laughed at my comment.

– I heard that Soos Ramirez built the Shack himself! – she told, excitedly.

– Wow, it takes a strong arm, I guess!

Yeah!, she said, and giggled right after. I took my hands out of my pockets so I could hold hers and say goodbye in a proper way. I smiled weakly, hoping Gideon was watching from his window, and she smiled back.

– Here we are, you're welcome for the ride – and she chuckled in glee.

– Hope I didn't talk too much!

– I love hearing you talk.

After about four hours of hearing her talk, I obviously didn't enjoy it anymore. But who the hell cares, lying was great.

– So I'll see you soon?

– See you soon, Dipper!

Before I let her go and run towards the front door, I kissed her. Her lips felt as sweet as her smile and as soft as her hands, if a description is needed, and her aroma was pleasing. I held her lips against mine for about ten seconds, until we both, in perfect synchronicity, let go of one another.

I looked at her face and she looked at mine. We had the same expression, I believed. Pacifica pecked my lips twice more before going. I waved at her before she closed the door.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Wattpad account: becausedelrey  
> Spirit account: becausedelrey
> 
> Hello! I'm Adda and I won't be interrupting anymore. I just want to say that I'll publish a chapter every Friday, 17h Brazilian time, which is 13h Pacific Time (PT), thank you, Google! There are going to be exactly 40 chapters in this book. And thank you very much for reading, let me know what you think, and you can follow me on Twitter at @irlroxylalonde if you want to talk about it or ask any questions. Love you!


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